Return of Romantic Artists

Past Times

Edi: Sorry, I just want to express my feelings. I think I'm starting to like you. Can you return my feelings?

I was silent for a while when the man I just knew, a few days ago, suddenly expressed his feelings for me. I was confused as to what to reply, because I basically did not have the same feelings as him.

I let out a huffed breath. It's not the first time men have expressed their feelings for me since Fadil and I haven't communicated with each other. This may be the twelfth time, but I always refuse because I haven't moved on too much from Fadil.

In fact, me and Fadil are just a scene that is not sensitive to each other. Ah errat, rather he is insensitive, and I am too hopeful. My friends have suggested that Fadil is not the right man for me.

But what can be done, when we love someone, we are just fixated on the bright side. In fact, we don't think there's a bad side to that person. That's how I felt; about a year ago.

If asked, whether I have fully moved on from Fadil or not. The answer is, I don't know. Honestly, at this time my heart is empty even more so I have rarely seen the existence of Fadil. Understandably, since we broke up contact he returned to become a gamer who is more often staying here than going to school. Even if you go to school, at least when 12 o'clock arrives, he will run away on the grounds of wanting to deliver a sick friend.

Uh, until the moment I typed this story, I still remembered what her favorite was. Anything that makes him happy, anything that makes him hate, anything that makes him want to sleep longer, and anything that makes him curious about me.

Father: Zah? Why are you just looking at my message? Even though you are online.

Ah, goddamn.

I'm worried, really. If I refuse him, I fear he will stay away from me like my old ex. If I accepted it, I was afraid that it would only break her heart because sooner or later she would know if I had no feelings for her.

There's no other choice.

Self: Yes, I can return your feelings.

Sent!

I hope my decision this time is not wrong. And hopefully this man can make my heart that was empty, filled with love.

—

“So, you actually received him to be your girlfriend?”

I nodded, in response to Indriani.

This afternoon, my friends and I were in the cafeteria. The atmosphere of this hot afternoon, made some canteens look crowded because some of them decided to buy fresh drinks. The four of us chose to have lunch together.

“Why do you accept him, Zah?”

Hearing that Defita had opened her mouth, I immediately turned to her. Am I wrong to accept Edi?

After all, who knows the affection will appear if run with sincerity.

“What's the reason?” many confused. “What because he's an Ips student?”

Defita shakes her head, “She's not good for you, Izah.”

I'm speechless. I continued my activity to enjoy lunch, while hearing the continued words from Defita's lips. So is Meidi and Indri who are now busy with their fresh drinks.

“You don't know what his true nature is, Zah. You must have been beguiled by her sweet promise, right?”

“Not at all, Fi.” I said slowly. My eyes were still focused on the chicken noodles that were in front of me at this moment. “I accept it because I just want to keep his feelings. That's it, Fi.”

“Why the hell, Zah, are you thinking more about other people's feelings than your own?” meidi's question made me stop my lunch for the second time.

Am I wrong? Thinking too much about other people's feelings compared to my own?

“Think carefully, Zah. If I think, it's better to go first. But, according to others, they will immediately tell you to break with him,” continued Meidi.

Meidi's right. Some of them looked happy because in the end, I found a fragment of my heart. However, most of them seem to dislike the man who currently holds the title as my girlfriend. Defita and Indriani.

I think I should think about this guy again.

Day by day I have missed. And for some reason, today feels so hard for me. Edi and I are still in a relationship as lovers, but only three days of dating, with secretly posting photos with other women to her bbm app.

I'm not jealous, but I feel betrayed. He knew I didn't use the bbm app, and so he dared to post the photo. I knew about it when one of my brothers put a screenshot into the Biang Rumpi group. I think they asked for an Instagram promoter or something. Turns out?

It was expected from the beginning.

This is our sixth anniversary, if tomorrow still lasts then our relationship will even enter one week. Well, it's still the age of corn but it's okay. Actually, I hope not to last with him because I already know his nature which turned out to be hostile by people.

He's good at lying.

He merok*k.

And I hate that.

In these six days, I cried in succession; every night, until my face seemed so swollen. They had all guessed that the original cause was Edi, and that was true. I cried not because he hurt me, but because I hurt myself; as if I loved him, but not at all!

If you ask me if I can still do it or not? The answer is definitely not able.

Which man would believe a liar?

Creature of God: You don't believe in me anymore?!

I said it, right?

In addition to the delicious food, I also do not like being forced to believe things because basically I am the hardest human being to believe things.

Self: I believe. I've always believed, it's just that my beliefs have always been misused.

Creature of God: So, what do you want?

And, this opportunity has come. Really, I won't waste it anymore.

With one breath—

Self: We're just friends. It's better than this.

Creature of God: All right

Ah, I think I broke people's hearts. For eternity.

The news of the break-up between me and Edi made one class frenzied instead of playing. I thought, they would scold me for having decided on a guy who likes it. In fact, they were grateful, even they said that Edi had met more than me.

I know about it.

Because when Edi posted a photo of a woman into the Junior High alumni group, I saw and read the message. Message where he says that “For what is this relationship,”

And I realized that, all this time I've been saying is that as long as we've been dating, it turns out she's been approaching other women, too.

I am grateful, for being broken in the heart by God so that I would avoid that annoying man.

“You to canteen, no?”

I looked up, there was an Indriani figure patiently waiting for me to wake up from my daydream. “Mau,” I said as I nodded.

We both walked to the cafeteria not too far away. But inevitably we have to pass the class 12 IPS because only that road is a shortcut to the canteen. To be honest, we could have turned around and passed the class 12 IPA, but due to the great distance and much energy required, we had to use the first shortcut.

Not to mention that I would step my foot to enter the 7th canteen, Indriani excitedly turned my head towards the cottage located not so far from the position of the two of us.

It was not the matter of the cottage that made Indriani deliberately turn my head.

But the men's problem.

Fadil; the man was laughing happily with his classmate. Why would I know? Because I know everything. She's my junior sister, but that doesn't mean I don't know everything about her.

Ah, Indriani makes me feel like I'm going to fail to move on.

“Your former prince candidate,” he said while dragging my arm.

I grimaced, “I did take it that way, but he? It could have been a year ago that he thought of me as a parasite trying to disrupt his life,”

I heard Indriani trying to laugh, the woman was ordering chicken noodles and soto for both of us. “Faizah, I know that until this moment you have not been able to forget Fadil. Right, right?”

Quiescent.

That's what I do.

Is it true that I have not been able to forget this man?

What is true—

“The proof, when you saw him earlier, you squeezed my hand,”

Did I really squeeze Indriani's hand? Ah, how annoying I am.

“It's not a proof, Indri.” I said trying to evade. “Proof it—”

I stopped my words suddenly. My eyes focused on Fadil who was still in the cabin with his classmates. I was still loyal to my position, but my hands were clutching at each other. It was as if another energy was coming towards me when Fadil's face was shadowed within my thoughts.

Maybe Indriani is right, all this time I have not been able to forget Fadil.

That man's name is still clearly imprinted in my most special heart.

No man has yet been able to take his place, even though he is just my ex.

And, I don't know how long I can hold on to this position.