Playground

50

The rain, thunderstorms and storm surges made the night even more gray, gripping. I was still standing on the balcony of the room, lamenting the destiny I was living.

Will I graduate this time? Will I be able to pass the test of life this time? The test this time was so heavy it felt , I wanted to give up . May I be selfish, just this once, I want to think of my own happiness.

But if I'm selfish, what about my two families, what about hito?

Is this what he calls love?

Is this a thorn sheltered behind the beauty of love?

O Allah, if this is best for me I am sincere, please guide me to always obey, and Ihklas accept all your will.

"(Bismillah, I allow my husband to be polygamous, I do not want my husband to continue to save sins by committing adultery. I'm khas o Allah, I'm klas.)" My mind, yes if this is the best thing for everyone, then I will classify it. Hopefully I am able and strong to face everything that might happen in the future.

***Do not dissolve in sadness

cry out

because sometimes

tears can make you survive

let go of all burdens

eject

it's all natural

because it's wrong

hate in the heart

a vengeance that will destroy the sanctity of the soul

spread your cries

smile

enjoy all that pain

only you understand

pain in your heart***

After being satisfied to talk to my own mind, I slept, hoping that a beautiful dream would come that would make me forget the problems I was facing right now.

" Cista."

I heard a familiar voice calling me. I searched and approached the source of the sound. Seen from a distance stood a man who was looking at the beautiful lake and the expanse of flower gardens.

The closer I got, the more familiar I felt with his sturdy body, the fragrance of his body. "Mas rei."

"Hey baby, are you coming?"

"Mas rei I miss, why did mas rei leave? I'm sad." I said as I hugged him.

"Don't be sad baby, I'm always here." He answered while pointing to where my heart is.

"Mas rei, my husband is evil, he betrayed me, I'm hurt. Mas rei knew, I allowed him polygamy, but it hurts, I think I just want to give up, okay?"

"I'm sorry baby, if we could still be together, I wouldn't let you get hurt like this, I'm sorry."

"Why am rei apologizing. Rei was not wrong. It's all fate. I am too weak, my heart is too fragile. "

"Cista, you're the strongest woman I've ever known. Hang on, baby, I'm sure you can. I am sure that after this difficulty you will have doubled happiness. I will always accompany you here."

"Yes, I want to be here with you."

"(It was just a dream, huft. I miss mas rei, why did God call you so soon.)" I said in my heart when I woke up in the early hours. I set my feet to take ablution, I close myself to the owner. I give up all the destinies that have been my power.

I tried sincerely, I tried willingly. God willing I can. After tahajud I continued with dhikr and tadarus. Thank God my heart is calmer, the more I can accept reality.

After dawn, I started my activities as usual. Starting from cooking, sweeping, mopping, wake hito to prepare for school and deliver it to school.

Until I got home from dropping hito off at school I hadn't seen mas dzaky come home yet. It made me a little aware, maybe I was already excluded from his life. The proof is he had no intention to go home after the commotion at the supermarkat the other day. It turns out that this is the only love he gives, and it makes me miss the mas rei even more.

"(I'm sorry, God, I still take it. I also often compare my husband to her, I'm sorry.)"