OWNER OF HEART

The Eps 45

After my wedding with Rashid was held, we both

go home to his parents who are not so far from the Cijantung area. It only takes about thirty minutes to travel.

Inside the white Alpard, I looked out the window. Seeing the lights running after me.

I still can't stop thinking, why can a traveler come to my wedding ceremony with Rashid? What exactly is their relationship? Is it really just friends? What if they turn out to be distant relatives, for example?

I took a deep breath, then threw it away a little wildly.

“After this what are your plans,” in the middle of silence, I try

monologue to melt the atmosphere.

Clearly visible, Rashid who was sitting next to me so

awkward and stiff. Highlight his eyes focus on the part of the foot that is struggling on the jog luxury car owned by his parents, who currently has legally become my father-in-law of course.

“What do you mean, Dek?” in all, that tense face,

now look at me.

“Less clear, yes?” I said breathing wildly. “Wedding

we're done with the title. Keep planning ahead what?” I'm a little upset.

“As Mas already said to the previous penghulu, which

witnessed by witnesses, guardians and invited guests.” Tukas Rashid.

The answer is not satisfying my heart.

Long time I looked at the hena neatly arranged and beautiful in the section

the back of my hand, while looking for other questions that can make it die of lice.

*****

I guess sweat droplets are lodged in the pores of the nose,

my temple and my neck. The grain as big as a corn seed had already spewed out thick makeup on my face. Not to mention the sweat on the back that has made the wedding dress purchases Rashid feel moist. Though from there I was not hot, even in the car I had tried to position myself as comfortable as possible. No matter what Rashid is sitting next to me.

Then, why am I still hot like this?

Rashid was seen coming out of the bathroom, wearing a grey t-shirt and dark shorts.

“Mandi first there, Dek. Looks like you're exhausted.” In all, Rashid handed me a white towel.

Now I just know why it can overheat even though it is actually in the Ac room.

My body felt hot-cold, both my knees were shaking violently.

My jaw's cracking. “God... I'm not ready to be a whole wife for Rashid.” My monologue is in my heart.

I rushed to the bathroom, looking for a way to not have a relationship like husband and wife.

“Be the wife of shalehah,” Mother's words ring in my ear.

To hell with those words, I never wanted to be Rashid's wife. So, why should I be a wife of shalah?

But, what about the late father?

How's this.

****

“Sleep... You need rest.” Rashid. When I got out of the bathroom, that almost took me two hours.

“I-iya...” I replied.

The silence of the room is created instantly, only the sound of the clock is heard, indicating if the object is in a state of light.

I deliberately positioned my sleep by turning my back on Rashid. When in fact it is very hated in religion, sleeping by turning his back on his husband.

But, how else? I was scared, I was awkward, I was angry, even I hated my own husband.

“Are you asleep?” I said softly, breaking the silence of the night.

“Ngak...” replied Rashid. If it sounds from his voice. He seemed to be facing towards my back.

I also rushed to sit on the lips of the mattress, with a fixed position behind him.

“I want to ask you. Answer honestly.” My serge.

“Ask what?” now Rashid began tiptoeing from a sleeping position, approaching me who was sitting and staring at the dangling toes.

“Why did you marry me? We ‘kan don't know each other?”

Rashid smiled unwillingly to answer. Suddenly he floated a warm kiss on my forehead.

“Sleep, after my cut-off is over. We'll stay in the dorm.” He said, now Rashid left me who was still sculpting due to the kiss he just lay.

“Where are you going?”

“Please don't call me, by your name. I am this

your husband Dek, you should have called me Mas. Go to sleep, I won't bother you.” Tukas Rashid closed the door. He just passed by without giving an answer.

I bowed withered after hearing Rashid's words

before you get out of the room. The aggravation of my heart suddenly loosened, turning into a wistful. Moreover, the mother's message continued to dance in my cerebellum. Rashid's words had made my hot heart melt. Be my tears dripping.

If I could protest to God. Maybe I'll protest him for playing three hearts at once for me.

My heart started to dry right at three in the morning. I tiptoed from my sleeping position towards the bathroom. Wash your face to remove small hadasts.

I don't want to play around too long with the heat

hearts. Who am I? Proud to protest against God.

After finishing the evening prayer. I'm still squabbling

I still wonder to the Master of heart and love.

Who really owns my heart after His?

The cell phone I put on the bed, suddenly circled. A message came in.

I opened the message immediately.

My eyebrows were intertwined, when I saw the message from the traveler.

“You saw that? How much I actually sing

for the heart of hati?”

What kind of message is that? I catch my breath, “what do you mean?”

“Happy new life. That's my point, M.”

I read once again the message from the Traveler.

“Do not bother me anymore. You know ‘kan? I am already a legal wife of people?”

Wander off, no meaningful answer from him.

Who exactly is that man?

*****

 I'm still looking for ways to calibrate with my own heart. Seeking consensus with logic. Although it is very difficult to make peace.

I have lived three days as the legal wife of a Rashid.

Nothing special happened to both of us. A sense of awkwardness and stiffness, still clearly visible between the two of us. Especially me.

After last night we negotiated. Today it was me and Rashid

decided to go back to his green house. He still has a leave of absence for the next six days. There is still time for us to talk about each other's hearts.

*****

‘If love is fire, then where do I get springs

who will wash my wounds?’

My eyes were round, reading a Daffa whatsapp story.

A few days ago, I promised myself

by oneself. If I'm gonna call her after my wedding. But apparently I forgot. Perhaps, due to the many things I think about, one of them is about the traveler.

I ask permission from Rashid who is busy tidying up

the bed, for us to occupy tonight, my husband smiled crisply. He did not even give an impression of rejection when I mentioned the name Daffa.

Maybe, because he's been asking a lot about me

that little friend of mine. I don't know.

Three calls none were answered by Daffa. My heart murmured, “is she together, Nadia?”

I heard from behind the door, Rashid's voice

talk to someone on a cell phone. I also immediately went in to just eavesdrop on the conversation that I did not know who he was interacting with.

“This is here, just a moment..” suddenly Rashid walked up to me, gave his phone to me.

“Who?” I asked while linking the two eyebrows.

“Daffa. But he does not want to lift, afraid there is no Mas, he said.”

I can breathe a sigh of relief. I thought it was the traveler who called

Rashids.

Daffa congratulated me on living a new life and

Rashids. His voice sounded crisp, perhaps if Daffa was here at the moment. He was smiling happily.

I thanked him a lot, for

what I've done for a dozen years with me. Being a loyal listener, being my super hero, even I also apologized for having been a lot of trouble.

Long we talked, until the noise was created inside

rooms that are not as wide. I purposely raised the voice of the phone. So that Rashid doesn't suspect us.

Actually there's something I want to ask Daffa, about

stastus. No, not just status. However, I also wanted to ask about Aunt's state of affairs to him. But, I don't want to disturb his cheer today. Because for me, just hearing him laugh is enough to calm the heart.

At the end of our conversation, Daffa told me. So that I

being a wife pleases husband. Not much different from Mom's message when I will do a procession ijab qabul.

Then, after saying his greetings, he asked me to immediately

gave him a sholih and handsome nephew.

“Daffa is very good, Dek..” suddenly Rashid throws.

word towards me.

“Where did Mas know?” since last night, I

decided to learn to call Rashid by the designation ‘Mas’.

“Yes know..if it wasn't for her, maybe we wouldn't have gotten married.”

I just smiled flatly.