OWNER OF HEART

Eps 23's

“Back to Malang?”

I got a ride reply after I got on the train. I told him I just wanted to get stuff.

“Until when?”

“Maybe about a week. There's business I have to finish.”

“Indeed you in Malang what work?”

Traveling's reply at this time required me to silence my mouth. There's no way I'd tell him if I was a doctor.

“Kan, I told you. I am a writer?”

Travelers don't reply anymore. I remember my dreams again. So, I'm headed for the travel account. I looked at the same beach photo I had been sent. It's just, he took it from a different angle. I put out a sign of liking without any comment.

I am still amazed at my dreams. I dreamt of him on the beach, then when he woke up, he uploaded a photo of the beach.

Is there any coincidence in this world?

****

My arrival was welcomed by friends, especially Rini.

“More deeply? Not missing a used bottle?”

I looked at the table. The bottle is still there.

I told Rini about my arrival to pack.

“You're serious?” rini's eyes glazed over.

I'm nodding. I explained to him that right now, that's the best option. Rini hugged me tightly. Then he helped prepare some of the packing equipment I needed.

I don't have much stuff. In the small corner, my clothes only occupy one box. Others books. However, it still takes time to clean things up. Some of the items I packed in both boxes and sent them through packages.

The next day I immediately went to the hospital where I was serving. Submit a letter of resignation, and explain the reason why I chose to resign. All my friends and colleagues were very sorry for my choice. However, they also feel sorry for the mother who is currently still in a state of pain.

After returning from the hospital, I went straight to the material store where I worked first. I went to the store owner, and some of my friends. Once again I received a farewell hug. My eyes are glazed over, I can't prevent my cheeks from getting wet. They were all good people, friends when I was still difficult and still held the status of a student at UIN.

I then went to the UIN campus. Sitting in the park, reminiscing about the first time you set foot in this place.

“Hai M.”

Incoming Traveler Message.

“Hei.”

“It's done?”

“Already..."

“So, when do you go home?”

“Maybe the day after.”

“Make sure that you really go home the day after.”

I squinted my eyebrows, digesting Pengalana's message just now. Ensuring my return the day after. Wh-wh-what for?

“Now where?” keep Roamer.

“On campus, sit around reminiscing. :D” I said followed by laughing emoticons.

“M..”

“Whata?”

“What do you know about me?”

I was silent, why did the Wander suddenly ask that?

What do I know about him? “Hmmm...” I know of its mass, of course only that is told to me. He told me about the first girl he walked with. It looks like Kimberly Ryder.

Then another girl broke her heart, and ran away. He told me how to get out of the house. Ever told her what a mother means to her, the story of how she discovered the miracle of prayer.

I also know that cigarettes are her favorite. He told me whatever he tried, yes to the brand he'd come back. He doesn't feel good without coffee. It is not enough to drink just a cup a day. He likes kwaci. Frequently eat noodles at night. I know he likes the rain. He really likes it, because he even likes to walk in the rain. He likes twilight, no matter gray or orange. Loves beach. Anything about nature. He likes new places. I know the stories.

We talked all afternoon on the phone and I asked about Rosa. He told me how to first meet the girl across the island. How Rosa fought in Jakarta. And from the way the Travelers tell me about Rosa, I know, the Travelers love her. Even Travelers have met Rosa's family.

That's why, why I often assert to myself, Travelers already have lovers. Her friend. I call him a good friend. Of course that is also what I said when Daffa discussed Travelers. Sometimes what you say to others is an affirmation of your own heart.

I also know the Traveling sister. Both familiarity. We talked about that one night.

At other times, travelers have told stories about the good looks of his father's youth. About old photos. At that time, I told him about the struggle of my late father.

Sometimes if we don't talk for a long time, I ask travelers to tell me something.

The rest…

“What do I know about you? What have I asked and told you about yourself?” Traveler messages back in.

I suddenly felt that question was so painful.

“I believe you don't lie to me, M. but, I also realize things between us that we deliberately never tell each other.”

I kept quiet, trying to understand which way this conversation was going. Travelers rarely talk seriously like this.

“M, no need to answer if it is difficult.”

“Iya, confused nih.”

“Sorry yes, M.”

“Why apologize?”

Until we got back to the hostel, our conversation didn't go on.

The next night after a long conversation with friends, I entered the room. Before going to bed I re-read the conversation with the traveler. Then I looked at his Facebook.

An hour ago, he just uploaded a song ‘hanging deserted’nya Haqiem Rusli. I immediately put on the headset

But this song? when I heard it now, after the conversation this afternoon, it felt so piercing.

I rarely get carried away when I hear a song. But this time, for some reason, my tears couldn't be prevented. Something seemed to peel and cause pain. But I don't know where the wound is?

I remember one afternoon he sent his handwriting on a tissue.

“Mheta.”

“In each trip. There are often meetings that we never expected. Then, without us knowing, incarnate a very close bond.”

I remember reading that writing for a long time. I don't know what answer Pengeana expected. But, then I replied with handwriting as well.

“Power.”

“Is there anything fortuitous in this world?”

Travelers reply.

“Ya.. maybe coincidence or luck is there for those who do not believe in destiny.”

Then, I reply again.

“If you, believe in what?”

The traveler replies with four letters.

“YOU :).”

At that time I did not reply anymore. I don't know what to say. And then, after that, we never talked about it. However, I still kept the photos of the handwritten conversation on the tissue.

Now for a moment I'm looking. I inhaled a lot of air, exhaled slowly. Until my eyes clear.

I opened the door, made sure no one was awake. I don't want anyone to see me cry. So, I walked to the bathroom.

Everything in this world has a purpose? Some things speak as a sign, as a warning. No coincidence happened, right?

I pondered for a long time. Then pray. After that, I unpacked the suitcase. The book Reclaim Your Heart. I read it, and stopped at page 110, We can't avoid all the pain. But, by adjusting expectations, response and focus, we can avoid many injuries.

I covered my face with a book. Think about that sentence. Until I fell asleep.

****

Two days passed, I received a reply from the hospital. The reply that made one of my burdens seem loose. I have officially resigned from the hospital. I whistle to go home. I got back a farewell hug from the hostel friends. We apologize and pray for each other. My ugliness, always melts with this situation.

Rini hugged me for a long time. “May God always bless you,” he said.

“Aamiin, you too. Sorry for everything, right? I must have missed you.”

“That bottle you brought?”

I smiled while pointing at the backpack.

“Hopefully you guys can meet back.”

“I don't know.”

“I pray for you, Mheta.”

“I said, I don't know if I want to meet or not. Because, my mother also seems to be marrying me to someone, and I don't know which one is better.”

“Married? So, your return is from here, to get married?”

“Ngak too, Rin. Would I say to you, if I came home because I wanted to take care of mom.”

“Continue? You said you were married?”

“Entaihah, it's still I thinkin.”

“Nevent need to baper it.” Rini patted my shoulder, then grabbed my suitcase and walked ahead. He's taking me all the way to Gajayana Street.

Again, we hugged. I said my greetings before boarding the angkot, and for the last time waved at him. My eyes are back in tears.

****

I took the morning train from Malang station. The journey to Jogja takes about six and a half hours. Goodbye to Malang.

Train running. Scenes of the scene flashed in my head. Meeting with new friends. Interaction with them while in the area. And the final months are more colorful since I've known the Traveler.

Maybe someday he will appear with the fragrance of clothes. Or, in the scattering of kwaci skin, or

when I iron and scorch.

****

At 16:59, the train stops at Jogja station. I spread my eyes to the emplacement. I don't know when I'm gonna get on the train again, so I want to sit around for a while. Suitcase to empty seat.

“Mheta!”

I sharpened my gaze, looking for the origin of the sound.

“Mheta!”

I stopped the step.

“M,”

I looked back. Then freeze for a moment. O Allah. There's no way he's here. Not likely. I must've

hallucinating. Effect just got on the train.

I turned back.

“Hei? It's me.”

That figure is right in front of me. She smiles. I scanned his backpack. His watch. Then his feet, make sure to tread the floor.

I remember the dream yesterday. It looks like this scene. Am I dreaming now?