Notes Without Title

The Rim

"Za!"

Nea's voice was heard by Yaza who was busy playing his phone while sitting in a chair near the glass. Nea immediately ran over to Yaza.

"Lo why?" ask Nea.

"Pesen drink first, it will be long" replied Yaza.

Nea said she went to the cashier and paid for her drink. Soon he returned to Yaza and put his phone in airplane mode.

"Gue doesn't know what he's saying about this really or not but, what are the reasons behind Renren's death?" ask Yaza.

Nea immediately straightened her body upon hearing Yaza's question. Yaza's eyes still looked as tired as before. Nea tried to turn her head, recalling things that might have been her new memory. Yaza who saw the silence of Nea concluded, the memory of hers has not been shared with Nea. Finally Yaza opened his voice.

"It started the day you almost got hit."

***

20/1/2019

10.00

Yaza was doing his job that day. In front of a laptop screen featuring music video of the song with the title 'Stupid Must Meet' by Afgan, Yaza dissolved in seriousness. When looking for an eraser for his writing, a voice sounded.

"Yaz."

Yaza. Renren was there, standing behind him at a distance of 1 meter from Yaza. Yaza was surprised, he immediately stood up from his position.

"Renren?"

"Za, how are you?"

Yaza, who was asked to answer silently, turned his eyes to look at a letter he had stuck on the glass of his closet.

"Yaza still hates Renren? Ghai too?"

Hearing him, Yaza quickly returned to look towards Renren. Suddenly, a strange feeling was felt in his mind.

"Yaza why hate Renren? Why is everything Renren's fault? Though Renren had never lost Ghai and others when Renren sank at that time," said Renren.

"Why are you here?" ask Yaza.

"Yaza doesn't even care that Renren deserves to be saved either! Yaza and Ghai only care about Nea!"

Yaza lowered his head. Renren took a step closer, brushing aside the distance between himself and Yaza. Renren suddenly laughed.

"Yazas. Want to know something?" ask Renren.

Yaza was still in his position just speechless without replying to Renren's question. After a few seconds, Renren took a crouching position.

"Yaza doesn't know everything. Is Yaza sure everything's because of Arsa?"

Yaza finally looked. Not long after, Yaza finally joined the squatting position in front of Renren.

"What do you mean?" ask Yaza.

"There is a memory of Yaza who was also stolen by Arsa. Or maybe Renren can say the same to Ghai?"

"What does Renren mean?" ask Yaza once more.

"Yaza did come right again need just the same Renren. The others make no difference either" Renren replied.

Renren looked at Yaza, his 2nd gaze intertwined. Renren raised his index finger.

"You don't? From now on, if one of you gets a new memory, it means the other will get a new memory. That new memory if you go to another, it won't be dangerous."

Yaza was silent while listening. Renren then approached towards Yaza.

"Is Yaza ready for new memories that might make things more tenuous?" renren Yaza asked looking at Renren in return.

"Let Renren love Yaza one little gift."

***

Yaza was drawn to a new memory. Somehow, Yaza is in 2016, the year Renren died. That place is Arka's house, Yaza tau. Right at that moment there were only Yaza and Ghai there.

"Tomorrow we'll play with yuk!" bring Arka.

"Where? I pinjem car bokap deh if that is so," replied Yaza.

"Let's go to the mountain! But no one brought a vehicle. We have to really ride a car or maybe a bus" said Arka.

"Crazy, you?" ask Ghai.

"Why? It's cool too. Find that new experience! You really want to have a memory of playing with that?" ask Arka.

"In today's world, where is a stranger who wants to give you a ride?" sahut Yaza's.

"It's the adrenaline right there!" answer Arka.

"Adrenaline, adrenaline. Yeah but, I'm coming, too," said Ghai.

"Lo is also Za?" ask Arka.

"Well, I'll come along, too" replied Yaza.

"The girls are also asking for a game! We haven't played together in a long time" said Arka.

"OK," Yaza replied.

The atmosphere was silent for a moment, Arka who had prepared her heart to accept the expression of her friends about the words she was going to say soon, was bowing her head. Quite a long moment of silence, Arka finally decided to speak.

"Just like Renren?" ask Arka.

Both Ghai and Yaza, stopped their activities for a moment. The two of them finally turned their heads, both looking at Arka, while the one who was stared at only gave his laugh while scratching his head.

"Old bro. Renren's opportunity is here" Arka said.

Ghai threw his face away, while Yaza decided to speak. No one was aware except for Yaza from 2019, that Arka's hand was shaking from nervousness.

"The cave is not coming" said Yaza.

"You know when Za? Do you know the most about Derren's death was wrong? I don't have special advantages like you two but, I know for sure that afternoon was not Renren the culprit," said Arka.

Yaza looked at Ghai who had lowered his head earlier. Arka stood up to pick up a letter, before long she returned.

"Or who is this from?" ask Arka. On the other hand, Ghai and Yaza were just silent.

"It's Renren. You realize that, anyway? That's Renren, our temen! Isn't there enough 11 years that you've been away from Renren? Renren is also tormented here. Guys c'mon, these 11 years you've been acting like you're not yourself" Arka said.

Ghai finally raised his head. He stood up and took his bag.

"OK me come along. Lo must also make sure Renren comes along," said Ghai before finally going home.

Yaza fell silent then looked at Arka whose smile began to expand. He then rubbed his face rough.

"Suppit. I'll go back first" said Yaza.

***

3/4/2016

08.00

This is where Yaza stands. He was right next to Ghai, so he decided to go on vacation together. There they waited for Renren. Nea, Balqis, and Fai agree with Arka's idea to invite Renren to go play with them. Yes, although it is quite difficult to convince Nea who looks agitated because, honestly Nea still clearly remembers the events of that time. What's more, Arka invites them to go play near the date of Derren's departure.

The rain was often a symbol of bad luck for Nea. After Derren's departure, Nea became a sufferer of ombrophobia. Since then, Nea has frequently checked the weather forecast. This also became one of Nea's doubts in going on vacation at that time. According to the weather forecast, that day on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th it will rain. Especially in the area they will visit.

*Ombrophobia: fear of rain, including generalized anxiety disorder.

"Carca!"

Renren's voice rang out, he ran over to Arka and the others. Renren smiled widely that day, to him a miracle seemed to come to him. Long break contact with his best friend and only connect through Arka makes Renren more tacky with Arka than others. In fact, once someone who became Renren's role model regarding where to what his best friend did was Ghai.

"Well, did you come? Finally," said Arka.

Ghai walked closer to Arka. He then pulled Arka back, then whispered.

"Why leave on this date? You're crazy, aren't you?" ask Ghai.

"It's precisely because I want to see the phobias Nea, Yaza, Renren, and lo about April 4th. You have calmed down, Gha, nothing will happen" replied Arka while patting Ghai repeatedly on the shoulder.

Renren watched Ghai from earlier. Ghai who finally noticed Renren's eyes then smiled. Feeling that his relationship with Ghai had improved enough, Renren finally walked over to Ghai.

"Ghen. Renren wants a min-" Renren's speech cut by Ghai.

"Not to discuss. I know it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry for staying away from Lo ya Ren, too" Ghai said as she stroked Renren's head gently.

Renren's smile grew. From a long time ago, the habit of Ghai that Renren always longed for and liked was the elusan Ghai's hand on his head.

"Udah yuk, today our goal is to be cool. So it's better to create a new memory than to get stuck in an old memory" said Ghai who then reached out to Renren.

Renren answered the hand with a big smile on his sweet face. Ghai admitted, Renren is a friend who is like his own sister. According to Ghai, Renren was someone to look after, considering Renren's weak body had long since made Ghai protect him since their 2nd meeting and perhaps for now, it had become a habit for him.

On the other side Nea was jealous, she stared at Ghai with her face bent. Yaza approached him and nudged Nea's body with his shoulder.

"Jealous pie" ledek Yaza.

"Gee! The yaza!"

Nea chased after Yaza then hit his back hard. Yaza from 2019 laughed to see it, if you think about judging Nea is a habit of himself since the first. Nea then draped her arms around Yaza's neck, making Yaza have to duck and try to escape from Nea's hands.

"So what's Renren's cool here?" asked Yaza in a seductive tone.

"Yes, please! Is it not?" reply Nea.

Yaza was silent, he then managed to remove his neck from Nea's hands. Yaza looked at Renren for a moment, shortly after pushing Nea.

"You sure you look at the guy you like holding hands like Renren?" ask Yaza.

"Yaza!!!"

***

4/4/2016

15.48

Yaza was pulled back to another moment. This time there were only Yaza and Renren, they were both standing beside the cliff.

"Yaza, can Renren ask you something?" ask Renren.

"Hmm," Yaza replied as he played the fallen wooden branch right beside his foot.

"Yaza still hates Renren?"

The question Renren asked made Yaza petrified there. Both Yaza from 2019 and Yaza in that year, did not know the exact answer.

"What's wrong, Yaza deserves to hate Renren for Derren. Just for this one, Yaza must give Yaza's answer to Renren."

Yaza looked at Renren. Shortly afterwards Renren took a step back closer towards the ravine. Yaza who saw him immediately took steps to reduce his distance with Renren. Same is the case with Yaza from 2019 who tried to save Renren in that second.

"Stop! Yaza don't go forward anymore. Renren wants to ask, has Derren blamed Renren for his departure?" ask Renren.

Yaza looked around. He was trying to find help.

"Renren don't macem-macem! Here ask me deket-deket aja the same Yaza," Yaza invited.

"Yaza answer first. Renren knows Yaza can see Derren. Did Derren blame Renren for his death?" ask Renren.

"No! Yaza has never seen Derren in all this time. Derren doesn't know where but, for sure, Derren won't blame Renren for his death" Yaza replied.

Renren smiled, his tears sliding freely through his cheeks. Yaza took a slow step trying to save Renren who would probably jump at any moment.

"Derren why not just turn on Renren? Precisely because of that Renren is more guilty."

Yaza was getting closer to Renren. When it was within Renren's reach, Yaza immediately pulled Renren into his arms. He hugged Renren then stroked his head gently.

"It's Yaza's fault. Sorry Ren, it's still hard to erase those memories. Excuse me. Renren don't gini anymore yeah, stop salahin yourself. It's not Renren's fault" Yaza said calmly.

After a long time did not show its form, Arsa was again seen. Yaza who saw Arsa immediately took off his embrace from Renren. He drew Renren's hand, making Renren's position right behind Yaza.

"Lo again?!" ask Yaza.

Arsa just smiled looking at Yaza. A few seconds later Arsa was suddenly right in front of Yaza.

"Do you want me to call you Derren?" ask Arsa.

"Do you want to appear again after all this time?!" ask Yaza.

"I've never been anywhere. All this time it was always next to Ghai, only you were not aware" said Arsa.

"Gue asked what?!" ask Yaza.

"Gak ada kok, cuma mau sapa temen Ghai yang lain aja."

"Gak usah sok deket lo sama kita. Bukannya Ghai udah ngusir lo? Mau apa lo sekarang muncul lagi? Maksud lo apaan?!" tanya Yaza. Renren yang tidak mengerti akhirnya bertanya.

"Yaza, ada apa?" tanya Renren.

"Halo Renren! Ini Arsa! Mau ketemu lagi sama Derren?" tanya Arsa.

Suara Arsa terdengar di telinga Renren. Hanya saja wujud Arsa tidak tampak.

"Itu siapa? Kenapa dia kenal Derren?" tanya Renren.

"Renren cepet balik deluan ke hotel. Yaza mau ngobrol dulu sama dia," ujar Yaza.

"Ada apa Za?" tanya Renren sekali lagi.

"Kenapa? Kamu takut aku celakain Renren? Makannya kamu usir Renren?" tanya Arsa.

"Cepet Renren!" teriak Yaza.

Renren akhirnya mengambil langkah pergi menjauh dari Yaza. Kini hanya ada Yaza dan Arsa di tempat itu.

"Kamu gak takut gitu aku celakain kamu?" tanya Arsa.

"Mau lo apa sekarang?! Gak puas bawa Derren pergi?" tanya Yaza dengan sentakan.

"Derren yang jahat sama Arsa. Kenapa di sini Arsa malah kelihatan jahat? Arsakan cuma mau menyingkirkan orang-orang yang bersifat parasit. Kata papa orang-orang yang berpotensi merugikan untuk kita harus disingkirkan, jadi salah Arsa apa?" tanya Arsa.

Yaza geram, dirinya melangkah mendekat ke arah Arsa yang terus mengambil langkah mundur. Di sisi lain, Renren datang bersama Ghai ke sana.

"Gue peringatin buat lo. Pergi jauh-jauh sebelum lo mati," ujar Yaza.

"Arsa udah mati, gimana bisa mati lagi? Gimana kalau sekarang Yaza yang ikut sama Arsa? Biar Yaza tau gimana rasanya jadi Arsa."

"ARSA!" teriak Ghai.

Baik Yaza pun Arsa sama-sama menoleh menatap Ghai dan Renren yang ada di sana. Ghai berlari ke arah Yaza, lalu tepat sebelum Ghai mampu meraih tangan Yaza. Arsa membisikan sesuatu pada Yaza.

"Sekarang giliran Yaza."

Waktu terasa diperlambat, kerah baju Yaza ditarik Arsa. Tubuh Yaza ditarik jatuh ke jurang yang di bawahnya terdapat sungai dengan arus cukup deras.

"YAZA!!"

Tangan Ghai selisih 5cm dari baju Yaza. Di sisi lain, Arsa tiba-tiba menghilang setelah berucap,

"Ghai, jangan benci Arsa. Arsa cuma mau ilangin parasit di antara kita."

Tepat setelah melihat Yaza terjatuh, Renren terkena serangan jantung. Nea berlari setelah mendengar teriakan Ghai, ia melihat Renren yang pingsan karena jantungnya yang lemah. Ghai menangis. Arka dengan tubuh gemetarnya menelpon polisi dan ambulance. 

"BRENGS*K!"

Tepat setelah umpatan yang dilontarkan Ghai, hujan turun. Langit yang mulai memberikan warna kelabunya mulai menjatuhkan satu persatu tangisan miliknya, membasahi bumi beserta seisinya.