My Silver Star's

A mistake?

Time keeps going

I was the only one who chose to stop

I was the one who decided to give up

I ...

The extra class went on as usual, not much has changed. Maybe I'm the only one who feels weird. This feeling, the feeling of "desperation" I confused myself with my relationship and senior Jo. Sometimes I feel like there's a transparent wall blocking between the two of us. But sometimes, I feel like I can break through that wall easily. I'm just being unstable, making decisions in the current situation is not right.

Arrived at Eomma's house to prepare dinner for me. I changed clothes and went back down to dinner. Actually I'm not very appetizing at the moment, so I only eat a little.

"What's wrong?" Ask Eomma

"Huh? Ah~ is okay. Soon winter break and school year change so ... Hm, Eomma must understand huhah."

"Allah ... Rest and don't stress too much."

I went back to my room, laid my body on a soft bed. Looking at the ceiling of my room while daydreaming for a little while. I pointed my eyes at the window. It was very late, very dark. I took my phone and checked the classroom grub. As usual, Korean teen jokes and chatter about tomorrow's material. Nothing special actually, I saw my chat room with senior Jo. I don't want to bother him, I've decided to talk to him tomorrow. I know it's a little sudden, but I think it's the right decision.

....

The morning sunlight came into my room through the glass window. I wanted to leave early, so I was already preparing to leave.

TING!

My phone's notification reads a message came in. Who sent this early? Not usually ...

'Do you have any time after class?'

'Yes, what is senior?'

'I think we've been in contact for a long time since we got back from Gangwon. Let's buy a snack and eat in the place as usual. Wanna?'

'Alright. Senior first, I'll buy the snacks.'

'No, my class finishes early so I'll buy it.'

Feels ... Hollowly. I want to be with him but I don't want to hurt him either. If we continue to buy time, until the time comes we will not be ready. In the end, each of us will be hurt by each other.

....

I waved my hand as well and walked towards him. On the bench that is a little worn and has been cleaned on top there is a snack and two banana-flavored milk.

"Let's sit!" Bring it to me

"Hm. Thank you senior. You're the best!" I put a thumb at him. We laughed at each other, it was fun but, empty ...

"Are you going back to Indonesia on vacation?"

"Looks not, dad said I went to college here with my grandparents later. No need to go back and forth to Indonesia anymore. Maybe I'll go there again sometime. That senior?"

"Ah that ... Actually, there's something I want to talk about, too. About ..."

"Does senior go to China sooner?" I said cut the conversation

He was a little confused and said nothing. Senior Jo, not ... Jo Eun Byul lowered her head towards the banana milk she was holding. I also chose to wait for his explanation.

"There was a change of plans ... Grandfather wanted me to take over sooner, so while waiting for the graduation celebration grandfather suggested studying at a branch company in Nanjing. Grandpa also wants me to blend in faster ... I hope you understand." Senior Jo said in a nervous voice and did not look at me.

"At the end of the day the senior left, right? Nothing really changed, right? I'm ...."

"Sorry, I ..."

"Senior! Ah~ is not ... Jo Eun Byul - ssi. I also want to say something. I know it's also a little sudden but I've been thinking about it well even over and over again I keep thinking about it. I'm trying to understand our situation. I'm looking for the best for us, our families already know each other but. I still feel like there's a barrier between us. The wall grows as we get closer. I didn't hurt anyone so ... Let's just stop for a second."

"Stop ...? Moment ...? Is it true just for a moment ...?"

"At the end of the day the senior left, right?" My tears come when I say it

"Don't cry ... Who does not understand why ...? Wh why? WHY?" Senior Jo looks emotional. I could see her teary eyes, an unfamiliar look but I also saw this look in the mirror.

"Do seniors believe in destiny? No ... Look, what senior how hard it is to ... To try to survive but ..."

Senior Jo hugged me, I could only cry in her arms. I don't want this either, but I'm ... I don't understand why this is so.

Autumn that really feels deep, as much as the leaves that fall. That's how many memories we slowly create.

Always behind you