Must Choose

Part 20| I Want To Forget

#Zania Pov's'

I locked myself in my room for almost a week. I feel this painful loss. I feel guilty about everything that happened. If time can be reworked, I want to take the place of my poor son.

"I'm sorry dear mama, I'm sorry mama can't take care of you. I'm sorry that you couldn't see this world, I'm sorry mama"I said interspersed with my cry.

I can't stop crying and blaming it all on myself. It's all my fault that can't take care of me that affects my son who hasn't seen what the world is like.

My mother's goddess has always supported me, encouraged me, always cared for me. But I know mama holds back sad because of me. My mom was always there when I fell like this. I feel lucky to have someone who loves me at a time like this.

"You mama's boy, you're strong baby. You have to be sincere, maybe the grandpa is more comfortable there" said mama looking up. I tried to wipe away my tears but they still flowed not stopping. Mama hugged me and stroking my shoulder gave a mother warmth.

Wanted me to forget all this and repeat back and open a new leaf. But I can't do it. I always remember it.

I don't know why I can't forget it and feel more guilty about losing it. I was so depressed about having that miscarriage, losing a child who hadn't seen what the world was like?.

He called a psychiatrist for me. I feel unacceptable because of this. But I know Papa is worried about my mental state starting to go down. Because until now I refused to eat and was more silent in the room.

"You're innocent Ni, it's not you who wants all this to happen!?. For everything in this world God governs. Don't be sad for a long time, you want your child to be sad, to see his mother like this. Look at your current state, it's so pathetic!?"said that person to me who turned out to be Riri, a psychiatrist called by papa to restore me.

"You don't know anything ri, you never feel what it's like to contain. When you feel there is another life in your womb and look forward to the presence in this world. Wanted to hear his voice, his gaze, and his movements. He hasn't had time to look at the world ri, but what I did, I have killed him....!!!"I said crying hysterically with the ruffling of my room.

Riri asked papa and mama out of the room and stayed me and Riri in the room. Riri could not bear to see the crying mama in papa's arms, so asked them to come out of my room.

"I've never experienced what you said Ni, but one you should remember. Everything you do by torturing yourself is wrong, your son would not want such a thing, so get up. Live right so your son smiles to see you happy. What with this torturing yourself, will all change, no Nia!!! "said Riri and made me cry uncontrollably.

Riri came up to me and hugged me and said to calm me down.

"You are the greatest mother, you must remember that. Who can take care of a child alone, maybe I will not be able to be like you Ni, who can be strong to live such a life. Sleep.calm your mind. I know you're tired, go to sleep. You are a great mother Nia and a very good mother" said Riri who held back her tears seeing my situation like this.

I also made a recovery to relieve my ongoing guilt and sadness. For almost a year I made that recovery and...

#Zania Pov's end

***

#Flashback

6 Years ago...

"My name is Nia from medical school, are you?" zania asked out her hand to shake hands of course.

"I'm Rifky" replied Rifky introducing himself.

"Thank you, but you don't know me" Zania said shyly because the man's face was so handsome, that she forgot someone who made her sad for a few weeks.

"I know you, you're Revan's sister FEB right" said Rifky who made Zania frown.

"Kok you know brother Revan, who are you?"zania asked as she looked to her right and left she was afraid that anyone would hear their current conversation.

"I'm a friend of your brother's and this is all that your brother asked you to help him from that man" Rifky said with a smile.

"Well, I can't believe it, which is probably Revan's sister!, oh yeah don't tell people that I'm Revan's sister. Know for yourself he's a lot of fans girls, canku me if the girls alay it on tofu" said Zania who misgivings and make Rifky smile funny. Because it's not just Revan who's popular in that camp. He was also a popular man there.

"It's not polite to call me by your name. I'm older than you" said Rifky and Zania staring at Rifky.

"ih. Thanks again for the help. See you next time" said Zania while acting coquettishly to Rifky while leaving Rifky.

"Ky.."call someone and Zania from a distance turned her head and saw a woman approaching Rifky while hugging him tightly and crying.

"Yes boyfriend! I guess single, who knows he's my soul mate" Zania said, laughing at herself and continuing on her path and getting used to it, as if nothing had happened.

The car home...

"cie.cie.."revan said suddenly and even made Zania wonder with her brother's strange behavior.

"No cure is up, stop by the pharmacy if that's it?"said Zania while playing her phone.

"Don't make a fuss deh dek"revan upset to the sister ya it. Zania is still focusing on her cell phone.

"Pretend not to know. Okay, brother-sister-denger you've been shot by a guy. Already playing behind this yes, the chance of his girlfriend is far away" said Revan who managed to divert Zania from the gadget.

"Apaan sis, dong died when shot, in fact is still alive this Nia. and need an underline sister, Nia does not do as what you accuse "zania looked at Revan, who had been tempted by Revan again.

"Pretend stupid sister of this most beautiful sister. It's up to you" Revan said, focusing on driving.

"Thank you, Nia is beautiful from birth sister" said Zania who even played Revan.

"Pede was wasteful as well" Revan said as they laughed together.

"Who she was" said Zania and they laughed again. Because the same nature pede wasteful.

Zania also tells how the incident he experienced to Revan, until when Rifky came to help him because of the pinta from Revan. Revan wants to think about it.

"Sister just found out that you were shot by a deck boy" Revan said with a smile looking at his sister's behavior.

"Times?"zania asked to look at her brother's giraffe and there were no lies there.

"Don't don't." said Revan who got out of the car immediately made Zania wonder.

"Don't what the hell, brother? If you talk do not hang dong, play guessing anyway" said Zania following Revan.

"Find out for yourself, you don't want to interfere. Surely Rifky's a good guy, but cuek. But you have to remember, there is a heart that you need to take care of" said Revan who left his sister to the room.

Zania thought about the meaning of her sister's words that made her think a lot.

"Take a guess like a quiz anyway, mending a bath, continue to eat beautiful bobo. And lastly, Nia must remember sister" said Zania did not pass after.

***

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