Mandalas

Memories

Leno sat on his bed. He feels uncomfortable. It's 7 in the morning and he didn't sleep last night. His head was dizzy and pulsating painfully. Leno has tried many times to sleep but what happens is nothing more than a closed eye. His mind ran everywhere. All the questions, feelings, anxieties, and flashes of shadow haunt Leno's head since yesterday he met Joke.

              The wall on his right side was open. His white tray now contained 1 bowl of porridge and a glass of milk. Leno watched the food. He should be hungry now. There was no appetite even though he had not finished his meal since last night.

              Leno put his foot on the bed. He bent both knees and buried his head in it. Leno's long unraveling hair covered part of his body and legs. The pain in his head disappeared a little. Leno hugged her own body tightly.

              What the hell happened to me? inner Leno.

              Unknowingly, both of his eyes closed. It turned out that his eyes were tired and sore. Immersing his entire face inside his own body made Leno feel more comfortable. Then a shadow reappeared inside his head.

              This time Leno saw the woman in a house that looked familiar. But it's not his house.  The woman shifted the large dining table in a dining room in a hurry. Leno looked up, Aunt Irin clasping her hands. He was also holding a baby. They all seem to be unsettled.

              Under the table was a thick red carpet. The woman shifted the carpet and looked around for something on the floor. There is a handle attached to the floor. He pulled her up. A small room for 2 adults opened in front of them.

              The woman said something but Leno could not hear it. He took Leno by the hand and led her into the small room. Aunt Irin and the baby were accompanied by Leno.

              The room was not too narrow. Leno could sit and stand there. The woman closed the door on their roof. For a moment the room became pitch-black. Then a few lines of light entered from that door, there were small gaps that were deliberately opened for light to enter and allow them to peer out.

              The woman looked down near the slit lines. Leno could see his face up close. He said something but Leno couldn't hear it.

              Then Leno shouted, “Don't go, Mom!!”

              Leno jerks. He woke up from his dream. Leno raised his head in confusion. Mammy?

              That woman is my mother?

              Leno's head is now pulsing violently. She grabbed her own hair. So hurt.

              The microphone in Leno's room let out a sound, “Lenolea, are you okay?”

              Leno stopped grabbing her now tangled hair everywhere. He pressed against the wall behind him. “My head hurts once.”

              “Do you feel nauseous or vomiting?”

              “No.”

              “Have you taken your medicine?”

              Leno. “But.”

              “Good, now set your breath first. Then take the medicine that's on your desk. Is your breakfast over?”

              “But.”

              “Good, please eat first. Or do you need someone in your room now?”

              “Is Moonasera Joke there?” ask Leno spontaneously.

              “Um. no. He is on assignment in another room.”

              “Then I'm fine. Thank you.”

              “OK, drink water if you feel anxious. Try to eat.”

              Leno nodded. He kept his hands away from the wall. Leno took a breath and counted one to five, just like Joke taught him yesterday. Leno sat back in his bed. His headache is slightly reduced.

              He crawled on the bed and dropped his head on the pillow. Leno lay staring at the white ceiling who also looked back at him. Leno tried to recall the shadow that had appeared earlier. He was sure he called the woman with the word Mother. But, why did he not remember anything about that woman?

              Anxiety began to approach Leno again. He shook his head. No, I need to be able to master myself, inner Leno.

              He regained his breath. he calmed down again. So, where was it? Oh yeah, who's that woman.. Her mom? Why couldn't he remember anything about his mother or the woman before? Nothing can confirm this because he does not remember anything…

              Leno recalled what Joke said yesterday, it could have been the effect of Lentipede attacking him. But Leno never knew why it could be like that. If only Mia was here she could give an explanation for Leno.

Mia´s..

              Mn. Joke said Mia could not be reached first, answering Leno's question as to why she could get her bracelet but Mia did not answer any messages or call back.

              Maybe they want Mia to rest first, Leno's mind.

              After 7 days, Leno promises to find Mia in her treatment room. And hopefully before that, Mia will be able to call him back.

              Leno looked back at the ceiling. Looking around for other memory fragments he could call back.

Especially about her mother. The mother who gave birth to him, who raised him, who of course should love him. Why is there nothing he remembers about it?

              Another feeling now appeared in his heart. Leno. Even if the woman was really his mother why did he not recognize her from the beginning he got the shadow? What really happened inside his head? He doesn't know what he doesn't know. Everything became a very tangled bundle of threads in his mind.

              After a few minutes, Leno's dX85 bracelet shook. There's an incoming call but no identity listed. Looks like a new profile. Leno wondered whether he should answer the call now or not. He actually did not want to talk to anyone other than Mn. Joke took care of him. After a few seconds, Leno finally wiped the screen on his bracelet.

              “Lenolea?”

              “Halo, sorry I did not save this whose number,” Leno replied quickly

              “It's me, son. Giona.”

              “Ona?” leno asked in disbelief.

              “My phone broke 3 days ago. I'm using a new phone now. How are you there?”

              Leno almost cried hearing Ona's voice. Ona did not appear as a hologram, Leno was unable to see the old woman directly.

              “I.. I'm good.it looks like,” said Leno slightly sobbed.

              “My darling, I'm so worried! I called your father, he said you were being treated in Geduna. Then I saw the news and they said the victims of the attack are now in critical condition. I'm afraid it happened to you.”

              Leno gulped his saliva in suspense. He remembered Mia. But, he knew Ona was saying that because he was worried about Leno.

              “I'm fine, Ona. Calm down.”

              “Thank God. Are you eating well? Is your room comfortable?”

              “Yeah, it's sad,” replied Ona. “Very many officers who came and closed Road 56. I was asked to move to the witness house while they cleaned the house.”

              “Witness house?” ask Leno confused.

              “Iya, a house made to witness a case when Reppe was probing them until the court verdict. I was also asked a few things about Kerdina working with me.

              “They did a pretty long and deep interrogation, like what he did that night, why he wasn't inside the house. And other things. I am still sad to remember…

              I also have to inform his parents who live outside Trikad. Lucky other workers..”.

              “Before Ona, Kerdina?” cut Leno out of confusion.

              “Yes, I lost that girl so much. Good boy. Only a few years above you.”

              Leno jerks. Kerdina Jose, the woman's victim. Leno is familiar with his name. He met

the woman the day before, when Leno visited the center last Sunday.

              “I'm sorry, Ona. I should have known right away,” said Leno wholeheartedly.

“It's okay. Now what matters is that you're okay. Hearing your voice makes my heart calm,”

answer Ona is calming. Leno smile. “I also.”

              Leno felt very relieved to hear a familiar voice in his ears. He had almost forgotten about Ona because of the events of these few days. Leno remembered something, he decided to ask Ona. “Ona, can you tell me a little?”

              “What's the story, baby?” ask Ona.

              “News... about my mom,” said Leno a little slowly.

              “Latifa? Oh well, do you miss him?”

              Latifa. He tried to remember, but still found nothing.

              “Yes, there you have it,” said Leno doubtfully.

              “Me too, baby, I miss that woman so much. She's a very nice girl.” Ona started telling stories.

              “I met him when Lentipede attacked my husband in my old backyard. There are so many small black creatures chasing Ari. I was so panicked and pushed the emergency button.

              I don't know how long, but help's coming soon. I've been freaking out. I don't know what to do..

              Then they helped Ari. Help and so on, but you can guess how it ends, baby.”.

              Ona stopped her sentence. He was silent for a moment. Leno asked,”Is It safe?”

              “No,” Reply Ona. “I've been at the end of my anxiety, thinking about how I could live without Ari. I guess I better catch up with him. But, it turns out not.”

              Leno heard a sobbing from Ona's side. “I'm sorry.”

              “Oh, it's been a while, son. It's okay.” Leno knew the woman was now smiling behind her phone.

              “I can survive because your mother came. He sat beside me, listened to my story, and accompanied me to the funeral.”

              “I knew it wasn't part of his job but he did it anyway. And that's as smooth as it is, I won't meet easily in the corners of Trikad.”

              They then fell silent again. “Well, since then I've been good friends with your mother. He and you come to my new house often. Especially when she's pregnant with your sister.”

              Leno jerks, “Oh huh? He took me to your house?”

              “Of course! If he never asked you how do you know my house now?”

              Leno. He was again confused. Everything he knew now became an incomplete puzzle piece. He felt a lot of important things that Leno did not remember.

              ”Son, are you still there?” call Ona. Leno answered quickly. “Iya, Na, but I.” Leno looked around her room. It's a great worry. “They will come check on me now. I'll call you again, Na,” said Leno lying.

              Then Leno closed the call. He felt weak and confused. A moment ago he was still happy after hearing the voice of Ona, the old woman who loved him. But after hearing the story about Latifa, Leno again felt anxious. How could he not remember all that?

              His head again throbbed painfully. This time the light made the pain worse. Leno buried his head in a pillow. He doesn't know what to think now.

              Leno repeated his conversation with Ona earlier. The first attack on 56th Street, Kerdina, the story of Latifa…

              The conversation about 56th Street made Leno remember something.  City center view. Beautiful graffiti on the walls of the road. Various trinket shops. He closed his eyes, repeating back the beautiful memory of the cityscape.

              Slowly sinking red-orange sunlight, the main lights burning from Trikad Tower, the lost hologram of Neena arising in the middle of the city, the, street lights and trams are so beautiful seen from a distance.

              Suddenly he missed being outside. The days in this room were so annoying. Putting aside how he feels now, Leno tends to get upset and bored at times

concomitantly. These thoughts made his previously improved head now pulsate again.

              He doesn't know what he should do. His head is full. Four days ago he was just an ordinary schoolboy who desperately wanted to get away from his perfect town. Now to get out of the room alone can not.

              Leno took a deep breath. Trying to think back. Or should he not just think?

              Leno turned her body. Now his face was staring at the ceiling again. His bracelet shook once, there was an incoming message from Bu Denia. He's opening.

              “Halo, Lee? How are you, champ? Are you getting better there?”

              Leno was a little surprised to see a photo of Bu Denia and Fino's face plastered in their conversation room. Leno tried to type something to answer, but he didn't even want to and didn't know what to reply to. Seeing a photo of the two of them actually reminds Leno to his holiday season 1 week ago. Leno feels evil ignoring Bu Denia's message, but he can't answer it now.

              These worries and aversions are new to Leno. Never had he felt this weird. All of her emotions and feelings made her feel overwhelmed. Not to mention the thoughts that continued to haunt him and trigger his anxiety attacks back.

              When Leno turned his body to the right side, his stomach suddenly rang out asking for attention. Now he just feels hungry. Leno turned his head, his bowl and glass were still filled. Leno hasn't taken his medicine yet. He looked back at the ceiling, it felt so heavy to raise his head again. But somehow got his mind from where, Leno thought any problem he faced would not be solved by refusing to eat even though he was hungry. Leno breathed a loud breath.

              Let's wake up Lee, you have to stay well, Leno said.

              Leno sat up straight and got off her bed. He pulled the flying chair in the corner of the room and placed it in front of the white tray containing his breakfast. Leno stared at his tray and tried to eat slowly. Among all the complicated things that happened in his life, he was grateful that the porridge was delicious.