Love Me Now's

He left me

After returning from the Hospital I went back to the apartment and saw my brother laughing with Li Yu. I hope my choice is right, at least for Dery ge's sake. There will always be sacrifices in life, after all I still do not know where destiny will bring my relationship and FanFan.

"Eh you've come, where's FanFan?" Ask my brother

"He's still in the hospital. I went into the room first yeah"

Today is the day FanFan and I broke up. Actually I don't know if we really broke up or not, the 'parting' word I said just now is not at all the same as the one in my heart. How does FanFan feel now? Is he just as hurt as me?

I also got a message from the WeChat Hospital group. All messages contain congratulations to FanFan who won a Resident Scholarship program to America. FanFan became the only young doctor who could seize the rare opportunity.

I'm happy that he can achieve his ambition, I think that his big ambition can be a joy for him, even though I can't stand by him anymore.

 

\*

 

Until now I have only been silent in my room. My brother went to work and FanFan still hasn't come home. But suddenly there was the sound of someone pressing on the door password. Dery Ge just left a few hours ago and it's impossible to come back this fast, it's definitely FanFan.

Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok

Someone knocked on my room door, FanFan's voice followed the sound of that knock, "Xiao Xi, it's me FanFan. I want to talk to you, please listen to me first. I didn't mean to hide anything from you. I was mad at you, I'm sorry"

From behind the door I kept quiet and heard all his complaints, I listened to all the words he might have been silent all along. Lying that I was not sad to see it that way, I myself could not help my feelings when I heard FanFan's voice pleading like that.

It wasn't until 20 minutes to leave it at the door, I couldn't stand it. I stood up and opened my door. I saw FanFan bowed languidly in front of the door, I approached him and hugged him.

"I'm not mad at you anymore, I know your desire to be a heart surgeon is huge. And I don't want to get in the way. I am selfish, I want my brother to be happy even if we have to sacrifice our relationship. I also don't want your relationship and Dery ge to be awkward because of your past and Li Yu's. The friendship of the four of us cannot be ruined because of the past. Let all of this be buried, just the three of us know" I said with a deep smile while holding back tears.

FanFan let go of his tight hug and asked, "Then what about our relationship?"

"Nothing has changed from our relationship, and you're going to America anyway. Let's just end it, I'll let you go. We can be friends, right?"

FanFan slowly let go of my hand which he held tightly before. He was silent and just lowered his head

"I don't want to be friends with you, people who have broken up can never be friends if they used to love each other"

After looking at me, FanFan continued, "I see, I don't want to force you anymore. I'm leaving this apartment. I'm afraid you'll feel uncomfortable if I stay here. And also pity Li Yu, who had just been hiding when he would come here" FanFan said

I kept quiet and did not answer her words. He turned around, his back looking at me. FanFan went into his room, I saw him take the suitcase and put all his clothes in the suitcase. I, who did not see him, chose to go into my room.

Her voice sounded limp, she knocked on my room door again "I'm gone"

Those two words were simple words that left me smashed into pieces. From behind the door I could hear FanFan's footsteps slowly fading away until finally the sound of "Bip" the sound of the closed apartment door.

With tears streaming down my cheeks I exited the room and saw FanFan's empty room. No more clothes, no more piles of medical books. Everything is gone, just like my relationship with FanFan is over.

I sat on the bed still smelling the fragrance of FanFan perfume, breaking down in unstoppable tears. My mind was empty to the point of not realizing that my brother had suddenly come to see me crying in FanFan's room.

"You why? What's going on?" Dery ge wonder

I just kept quiet without answering Dery ge's question.

"Where's FanFan?" Chalked

"We broke up" I replied while crying bitterly

"He did you bad, huh? Wait a minute I'm gonna drag that kid here"

Dery ge stood up as if he was going to get out of the apartment and would actually drag FanFan back. I pulled my brother's hand and stopped him.

"I broke off our relationship" I said

"Huh?"

My brother was shocked half to death to hear my words. I'm back covering up the lies with new lies. I told Dery ge that the reason I decided to cut FanFan was because I couldn't have a long-distance relationship with him, considering he was going to America.

I don't want to say that the beginning of our quarrel was because of my brother's relationship with Li Yu. I was afraid that my brother would get hurt and cut off his relationship with Li Yu.

"I'm confused how to see you. I support all your decisions as long as you are happy Xiao Xi. But I can't blame FanFan either, because he just wants to pursue his dream" my brother said as he hugged me.

Dawn was ringing, with eyes still swollen from crying I got up and came out of my room. As usual, I went out to buy breakfast at the tavern near the apartment. After coming home with cakhwe and soy milk, I accidentally went into FanFan's room. My morning habit of waking up FanFan is still there. I unknowingly opened the door of her room and saw her empty and dark room.

"Today I am still with him here. I stayed up all night because FanFan had a fever. Every morning I would wake him up and jump on his bed, but from today everything will be different" I said

From today everything will be different from yesterday. No FanFan, no taunts, no nagging, and his flirting. I have to get used to all this

Time passes, life must go on. Day after day I learned to get used to forgetting. Forgetting all the memories and habits that are still warm in my memory.

In the hospital, I acted as usual. When we met FanFan, we ignored each other. Like strangers, we don't greet each other.

"Why did you break up with FanFan? What are you guys having trouble with? You're young, so I guess you're just fighting. I thought FanFan was just a momentary emotion, but it's been 2 weeks and she's not coming back to you" said Hexin jiejie

I smiled bitterly, "I'm too guilty of him. I can't make him feel more tormented"

The people around me kept asking me, they saw clearly how strained my relationship and FanFan was. Starting from Hexin jiejie, Yang ge, to Dery ge and Li Yu.

Li Yu came to see me at the hospital, she kept apologizing to me. As soon as he sees me, he will start to feel guilty.

"You're doing all this because of me and your brother, yeah? I'm sorry" Li Yu said

"Not really, I just can't get in long distance contact with FanFan. Better like this"

The Joker covered up her heartache with a strange and eccentric make up. But I covered the wounds of my heart with lies, the fake smile that emanated from my face was just a cover.

I lie to those around me, not to mention myself. When there was a hospital staff dinner I didn't come. Similarly, when Hexin jiejie invited me to her apartment, I chose not to come, so that I would not see her.

Said the 'guilty will always be afraid', that's me now. A Crystal Wong who had always been steady stepped up with the confidence of the god level instantly slumped in love.

*/

A month passed, I was getting used to living without FanFan. My days were not as happy as before, it tasted just like a saltless hotpot, tasteless and unpleasant.

I often listen to Hexin jejie's stories about FanFan that are starting to change. He is now thinner, said Hexin jejejie FanFan too busy himself, to forget to take care of his health. This is not what I expected.

" Excuse me I'm the new nurse at the IGD. I need to see intern Liu FanFan, do you know which one?" asked a nurse who suddenly came to me

"Ah, yes. Just sec.."

I pulled out my phone to call Yang ge. I didn't dare to contact FanFan. I called Yang Ge to ask him where his sister was.

"Huh?" I was surprised to hear Yang ge saying on the phone

Without a second thought I just walked away from the IGD. I left the nurse and ignored her screams. I think only one, I can be on time to the airport.

FanFan's brother said FanFan will leave today for America, his departure schedule is advanced one month early. I hurried to the airport by taxi.

Arriving at the airport I immediately looked for FanFan. Running around with a cell phone stuck to my ear, I searched and tried to reach him. Since there was no answer, I decided to go to the information station to ask for the flight departure.

" I'm sorry, did the San Francisco-bound plane leave?"

"Surely miss, the plane to San Francisco, America, had departed 10 minutes ago" the airport official replied

Hearing the airport attendant's reply, my feet immediately limp, my hands clutching the information table in front of me.

"Miss, are you okay?" Ask the airport officer

"I'm fine, thank you"

It seems like there is no hope for me to meet and say goodbye to FanFan. I just wanted to apologize to her, but now she's gone. The clarity will only come when it is too late.

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