Lika Liku Luka's

CHAPTER 19

I was born the second of two children. My sister was a beautiful, high-intelligence woman, a complete package that was probably much loved by the adamites.

I'm proud to have him, proud to be a sister of a woman like her. I was amazed, and in almost every second and as long as this breath blew, I always tried to imitate like my brother.

Both of my parents are very proud to have my brother as their son. I could see a twinkle of satisfaction in both eyes of our parents when my brother managed to enter one of the First High Schools which was quite well-known by name, at that time I was still on the bench of kindergarten, although I was very young, I was used to seeing and judging the behavior of people around me. And the first thing I know is that both of my parents are very happy.

How's my?

Do not ask the definition of happy for a child like me, because until now I did not know how to be a happy person.

Okay, back to the initial problem..

Both my parents loved my sister very much, and I guess

almost everyone likes it.

You must be thinking.Is it possible that I am envious of my brother?

My mother once said..

"You and your brother are both my children. I've never distinguished you two.."

All right, that statement was enough to make me feel relieved. That means my mother is not the same as the mother of my friends who often like to compare her children with other children.

The understanding of my mother was embedded until I became an adult. My mother loves me, looks the most loving to me because I am the second smallest child, father and brother too. I feel like my life is so perfect.

Perfection has lulled me over. I'm not a woman like my sister.

I love playing with my gender-different friend, it makes me have a thicker masculine side than my clearly meek brother. Because I play with men too often, I rarely pay attention to my academic achievements in school. For me, what's the point of having brainpower when you don't have the savvy of making friends?

A dominant woman. Not a woman who complies and eventually cries later.

I thought.maybe that could be my side, the advantages of someone who can not be as perfect as her brother.but I think I was wrong..

"You and your brother are different. Even though you are smart. Your brother is far superior to you. You can be smart also thanks to your brother.your intelligence with your brother is different.."

I didn't know when exactly, but as I got older I finally realized the difference in attitude between my parents and my brother.

They still love me. But, everything I achieved, whatever I achieved in life, whether mother or father always said about my brother.

The ego starts to take hold of me, I think it's all about me, my success, my life, so why should there be a clear discussion instead of me? Why my brother again? Then…

..What does it mean to me in your eyes?

I know that my parents love me very much, they are very protective of me. But, why do I feel like this is just pseudo?

They love me, but whatever I say, whatever I do, why is everything covered by my brother's shadow?

"I was confused when I had to share which one I should listen to first.your story or my brother's story.."

I was silent when my mother said that. But the last option still falls on my brother, my story is still only a complement. I don't mind, I don't hate my mom or my dad.

'If I am used to being alone, as long as there is a God, I don't need anyone to tell me. Let me be silent.. because at the end of the day I know that no one will ever understand my feelings.. God kill the envy in my heart if you can take this feeling so that I no longer feel sad or worried.. I am too tired to think about who is my place to fight.my place to complain.so let Your servant rest for a moment.. Let the tears take me to sleep, let me forget and face tomorrow morning with a fake smile.. I'm fine.. '

If I can live myself alone. why should I let someone know about my life..