Lightly Longing

Pain First, New Attention

Satria came out after hearing my explanation. I'm disappointed in everything.

I lay down and pulled the blanket. The clear thread drips slowly. I lost my back to complain.

Satria, her body just can't be around me. Now, I have to rely on him. Heh, that's funny. He just cannot appreciate my existence.

The door creaked, Satria came back in. His hand was still on the door knob. "I'll go home get your clothes."

I just glanced at him for a glance, no answer came out. Satria closed the door again and passed.

I took the phone on the nightstand. Tama sent a lot of messages. I seemed reluctant to retaliate, but was afraid of causing destruction between me and Satria later.

"Tama, I'm in the hospital again. Two or three days later we can go home. Don't call me yet, Satria will accompany me here."

After I sent the message, Tama called right away.

"Ta, are you all right? I look at you now, yeah."

"Don't, Tama. Satria and you know each other. Please, understand, yes."

"OKAY. In fact, when you're sick I can't see you."

I ended the call. Let's all stop for a moment. If possible, I'd like to get a divorce with Satria. Not because of Tama's presence, it's just that I don't know the man I live with.

The nurse came to confirm my condition by carrying a tray containing some fruit medicine. "We'll do the tension first, ma'am. Soon the doctor will come and check on the mother's condition."

"Thank you, Sus."

A white pill he left on the nightstand. "It's the medicine you take before you eat, yes, ma'am."

I nodded in understanding. The nurse left after doing her job. I took the pill and swallowed it. Bittersweet, my tongue feels really bad.

Quickly pick up a bottle of mineral water that was all around. Ms. Afifah and the others may have gone home because Satria's presence was enough to take care of me.

"Mom, I'm sorry we went home without saying goodbye. Because we think you've got someone to look after. Get well soon, yes, ma'am."

"Yes, Mom. Thank you very much. Give my regards to the others as well. Sorry for the hassle," I replied to the message that just went into my salary.

My eyes began to suffer from drowsiness. Maybe it was the effect of the drug that told me to take a complete break. Full of dreams while being engrossed in the island of Kapok.

One of her dreams was that of my late grandfather who came to curse me. I don't know if I'm reminded of her or if it's just a sleeping flower.

"What else do you want to find? That gambling man you picked, yeah!" I nodded and immediately woke up. Lying on the head of the gurney.

My breath was wheezing, the sweat was already flooding my body. Never have I seen such an angry grandfather when he was alive. Ah, God. The path I chose was wrong and sinful.

Satria came in with a bag. He looked at me nilar. The bag was stacking in the closet next to the nightstand.

"Why you?"

I shook his head, he put the package on the nightstand.

"I bought chicken porridge for you. The doctor said you should eat porridge. Your stomach is in trouble, so have to eat something that's easy to digest for a while."

Satria sat on the side seat of the gurney. I still refuse to see it. My eyes kept shifting from him.

Satria rubbed the soft tip of my head. Peeping it for a long time. My tears, I don't know how it feels right now. The details of love are still very big to him. Merely, his cold and mysterious demeanor made me tired of being with him.

Tired of living to old with him. Again, his thumb rubbed the back of my hand.

"Don't hurt anymore" he said, who a second later kissed the back of my hand.

I looked towards him. Guilt is now in my heart. Recalling the incident at the guesthouse with Tama yesterday. Right, whatever word comes out of my mouth to do justification, it's still wrong.

"Bang," I said looking at him. He gasped in front of me, staring at this intense and very deep self.

"I'm sorry, whatever your mistake. But not for one thing."

"What?"

"Sleep with others."

The deg!

My heart stopped for a moment. At first I intended to say it. However, hearing him say as soon as I undo my intentions.

It is better to be kept and buried deep than to be opened into big things.

"Why?"

"A woman, if she has given her body to another man, why else stick with me. Really, I'm disgusted by that."

For God's sake, I'll never unpack what I did yesterday. Even if I have to die, I'll shut my mouth.

I kept quiet without continuing the conversation. Satria took the chicken porridge that she had brought earlier.

"You eat, yeah. It's still warm."

I nodded and slowly got up, Satria helped until I sat down. He bribed me. Slowly open the mouth as directed.

There is a sense of guilt that fills the liver cavity. I don't know why his attitude was so warm. What I said this morning slapped him to his senses.

In fact, often he is not afraid if he has to lose me. But today it is inversely proportional to his words.

"Bang, if I ask for anything. Are you going to kabulin?"

"Eat first. We'll talk about today."

Thousands of questions lodged in my brain looking at his attitude today. Do I have to get sick and be treated here first to get his attention. In the past, when I had a fever and was put on drugs hoping he would come home soon, but in fact, it was up that he had just arrived home. Ah, I don't know.

The porridge in his grasp was over. Satria went out. I still can't get my heart out of guilt. The more he does good, the more I am imprisoned by my own regrets.

I don't know where Satria went. By late afternoon, he had still not returned since leaving last time. I went down to the tile with my bare feet.

Strolling to the afternoon sky from the hospital balcony. The sun sets, emitting orange rays in the western horizon. It's exquisite. I sat in a chair lined up near the door of my room.

The infusion pole faithfully accompanies. I don't know who's next to me not too far away. Wearing an ash-colored hoodie jacket, complete with a mask.

"Ta, I deliberately looked at you. I'm worried, Ta."

I'm averaging the look, from the shape of his eyes, I'm sure it's Tama. I looked around.

"You're crazy, Tama. What if Satria sees you?"

"I don't care, Ta. I miss you, I'm worried about you."

Both shoulders were gripped by Tama, I threw it away slowly.

"Please, Tama. Please, don't believe me."

"I'm really worried about you, Ta!"

"Okay, I get it. You should be more worried about your wife and kids, not me."

"Ananta?"

When we looked, we did not dare to look at the origin of the voice behind my back.