JUDITH

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY

Besides Ririsma, Yudith had one more friend, a nun named Sr. Vero. However, since graduating from High School his nun friend was transferred to a branch foundation in Kalimantan.

Yudith, who has a tendency to be alone and only friends with books, never mind how many people want to be friends with him. In silence he could measure the sincerity of one's heart, and only truly sincere people would survive being by his side. Like Sr. Vero, Ririsma, and Andreas.

The impact of a case that had once happened to him, where he managed to dismantle the fraudulence of the seniors, then harmed in the bathroom, making the name Yudith is actually quite popular at the Hope Mulia Foundation. Those who had never been involved or felt aggrieved by Yudith, were respectful and admired the girl's courage and personality.

Even whenever there is a new generation, the new children must be curious about a figure named Yudith. Until now, Yudith was still the - like - measure of how to be brave differently for the sake of honesty and obedience to the rules.

However, that popularity did not affect Yudith at all. That girl was still the same girl, just like the first time she came to this Noble Hope Foundation. Silent, ignorant, firm-minded, obedient to rules, rigid, idealistic, and all of that naturally build a barrier wall for people to establish relationships or simply communicate with.

This morning, once out of the foundation bus, Ririsma went straight to the toilet without waiting for Yudith. He said he was stooped, couldn't stand it. Yudith stepped casually among the people who had gotten off the same bus. They were the students living in the outer dormitory and the employees of the foundation.

For a second the girl, still willing to respond when her name is called, a small nod and a thin smile just for pleasantries is enough. Suddenly the wind blows quite tight, reflexes his hands rubbing arms that feel cold, dry, and itchy.

Getting off the bus that just came, Andreas saw it. While running after Yudith, he took off the jacket he was wearing. As soon as it was near, it immediately wrapped the jacket over Yudith's shoulder.

"Morning, Dith. It's cold, why don't you wear a jacket?"

Yudith did not turn her head and only shook her head slightly, nor did she say anything as Andreas walked so close by her side. Already accustomed to it, Andreas did not bother. Yudith is still Yudith. The world around him may have undergone so many changes in the space of four years, but he, like staying in a place with a quiet and indifferent attitude.

While continuing to step, Andreas opened his bag and took out a paper bag. The inscription on the paper bag was the name of a cake shop quite famous in Malang.

"Cake, Dith." He told Yudith.

For a moment Yudith just stared at the paper bag and slowly received it when she saw a piece of greeting card tied with a ribbon on the rope.

Smile ....

It's not hard. Cobain, look at me and arch your lips upwards.

Yudith set her breath to dampen her almost crazy heartbeat. It had been a long time since he had gotten this sweet treatment from Andreas, but lately the level of sweetness was increasing. He slowly turned to Andreas and curled his lips, very thin, but Andreas could see the smile clearly.

"Thank you, An" said Yudith.

"Yes! Thanks for the smile too." Andreas grabs Yudith's hand and links the fingers, remaining unmoved and squeezing tighter as Yudith tries to let go.

"An, off."

"No way."

Yudith could only sigh in resignation and say nothing more without realizing there was a hateful look on her. Watching the scene from the second floor corridor, Lisa could not help but fury. The girl hit the iron guardrail.

"Damn it! What the hell, how good is he?"

"It's better not to get into trouble with her" Ratna said as she stepped into the classroom.

Even Ratna who used to dislike Yudith and would happily ally with fellow haters of Yudith to work on him, was reluctant to befriend the arrogant Lisa and always looked down on others.

"Hey, Ratna, wait!" Since Ratna was unwilling to stop, Lisa finally chased and sat down in the chair next to her.

"What do you want?" Ratna's nonchalant attitude clearly shows that she does not want to deal with Lisa, but Lisa seems to not care.

"Are you right, Yudith is the sister's favorite?" Lisa asked with a frowning face of disdain.

"And he's a favorite not without reason. Already dech, do not expect the same Andreas. He was from first grade High School already chasing Yudith. You won't have a chance." Ratna stared boredly, her tone riled up.

For four years he's been through so much. He was also briefly in the position of Yudith, where he was accused of a crime he never committed. It really doesn't taste good.

From there, little by little he tried to get to know and understand Yudith although he could never get close. And over time he realized, Yudith did deserve all the attention, even entitled to be privileged because Yudith was special.

"The opportunity will always be there for Lisa. Whatever is legitimate, fair in love and war," said the short-haired oriental-faced girl with a life of pointedness that full of confidence. His eyes were wildly impressed.

"Whatever."

Ratna shook her head. He used to love Andreas and also had time to insist on fighting because he thought anything was legitimate in love. Fair, everyone has the same chance to get the love he wants. But what was love before? Legitimate and fair will only benefit unilaterally if the way to get it is wrong.

_______

After college, Yudith was about to return Andreas' jacket, but the owner refused.

"Keep it."

"Yes, let it go." Andreas saw Yudith's face blushing and said, "Eat meatballs, yuk! Keep going home in the mail."

Yudith immediately shook her head. "Can't."

"Today there's an audit schedule to the dormitory." Ririsma explained because she knew Yudith would not explain why she could not. So, he represents.

In himself, Yudith instilled the understanding that everything could happen or not, there must be a reason and he never wanted to pry, he said, because he thinks not everyone wants his business to be known to others.

That way, he instinctively never wanted to explain the reason why he was like this or that. It is enough that someone else knows he cannot do this or does not want it without needing to mention the reason. However, he would not mind explaining when asked.

Andrew, who had also understood Yudith, could understand and say nothing more. Eventually they split up because their different bus-route dorms were not unidirectional.

After lunch, Yudith had no time to rest. She and Sister Rosa traveled to the dormitories to conduct impromptu child administrative checks until dinner time.

Getting down from the car that delivered him, Yudith then stepped casually up the stairs to his room on the second floor. As he passed through the corridor, Yudith saw many towels draped on the guardrail, and bath containers lined up underneath, but this was not allowed.

As the second-floor hostel in charge, Yudith could not let that happen. Although his feet were numb from his tiredness, Yudith painstakingly picked up the towel one by one, end to end and collected it in one basket and placed it in front of the bathroom, same with the toiletries.

Actually this bad habit will not happen if Ririsma is in the dorm and replace it to control, unfortunately the girl is currently busy in the kitchen because of the cooking picket.

Upon returning from the bathroom area, while walking in the corridor, Yudith saw some residents of the dormitory.

"Tell the others, look in the basket near the bathroom," he said indifferently as he continued to step towards his room.

"Ish, profit is not thrown away."

"I thought he'd come home a little late."

"yeah! Can't afford to be a little bit too late."

"Basic, huhf!"

The last girl pointed her middle finger at Yudith's back. Actually Yudith had heard their utterances, but not at all frenzied.

"Yudith, here."

Just as Yudith was about to take the clothes from the cupboard, suddenly her hand was pulled by Lisa. Yudith did not refuse and said nothing, just follow where he was taken. Arriving at the end of the deserted corridor, Lisa squeezed Yudith against the wall, looked at her sharply, and her smile slanted condescendingly.

Remaining calm in any situation was characteristic of Yudith's treasury. The girl was not easy or even never provoked. Silence, calmness, and harboring all feelings for himself, to the extent that others are unable to see his emotions.

"The poor girl who can go to school and continue college because of a service bond like you, doesn't deserve to compete with me!" Lisa spoke in a hissing voice right in front of Yudith's face.

But Yudith was flinching. Just flat and on his face was not implied the slightest expression. That made Lisa even more angry.

"Do you know what?!" Lisa clenched her teeth and both her hands hit the wall around Yudith's head. "My parents are donors and I'm an exclusive student here."

"Then what do you want?" Yudith's tone of voice was very calm and sounded flat.

"Sway Andreas. It's better to back out now because I'll definitely get it. I never lose to anyone else and always get whatever I want. Catch that!"

After being satisfied with spilling her junk, Lisa immediately left Yudith. After Lisa died, Yudith smiled thin and cynical. He would never forbid anyone to approach Andreas.

Just please. Good luck.

In the depths of his heart he did have a taste for Andreas, but never wanted to grasp what was not necessarily his too tightly. He was afraid of getting hurt a second time. In the past, he loved someone very much and when he was willing to go wandering, he really hoped that person would come back to him and his mother someday.

Yudith was really hopeful and held tight to the promise of the man who said he would return, but in the end Yudith had to swallow the bitterness because the man had never returned. And the last news he heard was that the man had remarried overseas.

That man is his father. A father who is in general view is always predicted as the first love for his daughters. Just like people breaking up in love, Yudith also had a broken heart. However, it does not fall. He became stronger and stronger for his mother and for himself.

His mother once said, It is unfair for your father who is healthy, handsome and dashing to stay with a sick mother, looks old, and troublesome. Your father deserves the love of a woman who is much better than her mother. However, in the end Yudith found out that in fact the father never wanted to divorce the mother.

The man just wants to get married again and promises to be fair. But his mother knew there would never be justice in love and home if the original point of two had turned into three points. There will definitely be those who are more loved and those who are hurt, some who are more cared for and some who are ignored. Hiding behind the word 'fair' just to satisfy a craving.

Andreas has loved it since High School and until this moment it is still the same as that. Yudith could feel Andreas' feelings not diminishing in the slightest. Therefore, he placed his trust in her. Believe it, hope a little, but do not want to hold it too tightly. He's ready to take off if he has to let go someday.

That is the meaning of justice in love for Judith. Fair gave Andreas a fair-use opportunity to enjoy all the expressions of love received, but not to be too lazy to let the love go if he really wants to go. Fair is neither harmful, nor hurt, nor selfish.