Husband, If Your Father Is On Your Mother, Your Sins Are On Me

Episode 14

"Dhikr morning and evening like armor, the more thickness increases, the more the owner is not impressed (by danger). Even the strength of the armor can reflect back the arrow so that it turns to hit the archer himself." - Ibn Qayyim rahimahallah

***

"Mas, Neng bought this, there is a promo in Bajada."

I handed a tiny digital bagbih to Mas Yandri.

"Our study yesterday, Neng was given a book of prayer groups and morning dhikir. If Mas again free in the office, dong can be read-read. There are many benefits to it."

Mas Yandri received a gift from me with a smile.

"Later Neng send ya whatever dzikirnya. Every day is different, I read as much."

Since moving here and taking part in some study and study activities with Ms. RT, I learned many things. My parents taught me an understanding of religion, but to the extent of their ability. That is why, when there is an opportunity to increase knowledge, I gladly accept. Even Mas Yandri also often asked me to find information on study schedules and routine studies that we can both attend. In essence, we are in the process and racing to add religious knowledge.

***

My mother-in-law called after prayers. He talked long enough with Mas Yandri.

"Neng, I want to talk" said Mas Yandri gave me his phone.

The first few minutes, our chatter was filled with pleasantries about the news, until my mother finally made me speechless with her question.

"You haven't checked, Re?"

Mother's question brings to mind my memory of the day Bu Jejen said I was barren. For some reason in this country, women are invisibly always under pressure from the surrounding environment.

A late married woman is considered to be picky. In fact, what's wrong? After all we women want to get a life partner who we think is best.

After marriage, the pressure is obtained if not immediately pregnant. Again women are subjected to pressure. Be infertile, be barren, be sick.

The problem is not resolved if the woman then becomes pregnant. When giving birth, the woman will again become an object. The understanding that women become full mothers when they give birth normally hurts women who give birth through surgery. In addition, the gender issue of the baby being born was highlighted as if it was a woman's responsibility.

In essence, for every situation, women are the first target to be pressured by those around them. And worse, most of the pressure received precisely from fellow women.

"Not yet ma'am.," I answered softly.

I heard the breath of my mother-in-law across the street. His last one sentence made my chest as if it was being overwritten by a heavy burden.

"Try to the doctor! Check carefully. Let's talk!"

***

My mother-in-law's request that I check myself had a big impact. I don't know why I think about it intensely because the purpose of married humans is to get offspring.

"Neng, why the hell have you been so rich lately that you don't have the spirit?" asked Mas Yandri one night when we had finished eating.

I wanted to be honest about what I was feeling, but on the one hand, I was also afraid that the response would make me more depressed. I was still silent as Mas Yandri put down his coffee glass and turned his back to face me.

"Because of Mom's talk?"

I smiled proudly. Really, Mas Yandri was very ignorant and tended to be selfish at the beginning of our marriage. But more and more days, I became a witness if my husband had changed a lot. He also learned a lot from our marriage. His personal sensitivity to my circumstances made me proud and moved at the same time. All righty! I have to brave myself to tell everything, I can't keep this much longer.

"Mas, what if Neng is barren?"

Not the answer I received but a flick in the forehead.

"Neng, if you think about it first?"

I rubbed my forehead slowly, it felt pretty close-up as well.

"If Neng talks like that, just as Neng questions the destiny of Allah SWT. Everything that happens in this world is arranged. And not a leaf shall fall unless He knows it." Mas Yandri sighed.

"Neng doubted that sentence was actually in the Quran? Surah Al An'aam verse 59. Find it yourself if you don't believe it."

"Dengerin Mas ya Neng. Let alone the life of Neng, a leaf that is powerless will not fall without the permission of God. So, if Neng questions whether Neng is barren or not, just as Neng doubts that whatever happens to Neng is because of God's permission."

I lowered my face and took pride in my heart. Yes, said Mas Yandri, I questioned my own condition as if I did not believe in the provisions of God.

Mas Yandri came over and hugged me.

"If Neng thought of the words Mother told Neng to check, Neng calmed down first. Mom told Mas to also take Neng in for a check. Not to know if Neng is barren or not, but to know if Neng is in good health or sick. Because I know, Neng often feels excessive pain every time the month comes.

For Mothers, Neng's health is much more important than the case of Neng already pregnant or not. Read the chat from Mom herself. I told Mas from last month instead." Mas Yandri gave me his phone.

[Yan, take Rere to the doctor! Mom noticed the time here, she was in a lot of pain every month. He's afraid he's sick! Mom once told him to check, but your wife is stubborn! I'm afraid Rere why-why!]

My tears swiftly flowed down my cheeks without me holding back.