Ghost School

Izumi's Suffering

*

**

*Back to the present time.

The atmosphere in the forest was tense. Since then Izumi continued to put on her flat face without any expression, and I was shocked to hear the story.

"That's how I finally sealed myself into the book, and finally got kicked out by you a year later" Izumi murmured and continued to bow her head

I can't speak. Izumi's life was full of tragedy than I imagined.

He who looks cheerful in front of me, likes to act nosy and annoying, turns out to hide his gloomy identity well.

I can imagine how hard Izumi tried and survived for the 14 years she lived, plus the 6 years she became a spirit.

There was no happiness that Izumi could get that long, either when he was a human, or a spirit.

Only now, I understand what Izumi said about the fruit earlier.

(P.Y. It's in episode 56: Caterpillar-Eatened Fruit)

I think back to that incident.

In retrospect, Izumi had already told me her life indirectly.

*

"If the fruit has feelings and can think, what does he think of the animal perched on his body?"

"Eh? Ma'am... The fruit thinks the animal sucks?"

"really. He will be angry at the animals that eat him. But when compared to the animal, he will be more angry at himself because he can't even do anything to the animal that eats it even though he knows it"

'The 'fruit' referred to in the talk was like that of Izumi while still alive. Then those 'animals' were the ones who tortured Izumi, especially her foster sister.

Here Izumi said, that she indeed harbored anger and hatred for her foster brother who continued to torment her. But rather than that, Izumi hated herself more than she was afraid to fight her foster brother, and let herself crumble without a fight.

"But what can fruit do? The fruit is not even allowed to move arbitrarily and move if there is a wind that blows. What can he do to the animals that crowd him?"

On the other hand, Izumi's life has always been restrained. Everything Izumi did was the result of her grandfather and foster father's orders. Izumi's life was completely governed and moved by her adoptive father, and Izumi could not dispute that. Izumi who could not move herself, was definitely unable to fight her foster sister who was endlessly tormenting her.

"Fruit can only hope if the animal goes away from him. But in reality, the more delicious the fruit is, the more animals swarm around. The fruit hates animals that eat it. It is the animal that destroys the fruit's life until it becomes rotten"

There was nothing Izumi could do but pray that her foster sister would finally kindly let go. But that was just wishful thinking.

Because of Izumi's genius, her foster sister feels threatened and increasingly wants to destroy Izumi in various ways. Izumi gripped even more with anger after all the torture she had received. Little by little the torture destroyed Izumi, until Izumi was killed at their hands.

"Outside it looks smooth and looks sweet. Who would have thought there were so many caterpillars eating this fruit?"

All this time, Izumi kept trying to look fine in the eyes of others. But he kept the pain alone.

"Isn't this fruit very pityful? He looks delicious in the eyes of other fruits that can make other fruits envious, but in reality, this fruit is even worse than other fruits"

On the other hand, the people who make fun of Izumi, actually Izumi had heard envious praise that discussed genius, family origins, and also his good looks that exceeded others.

However, all of that is meaningless to Izumi, as Izumi does not get happiness over all of that. Even the life of people who feel jealous of Izumi is better than Izumi's own life.

"The fault of this fruit is only one, that it is too sweet and tasty that it tempts the animals to swarm it. Had the fruit been ordinary, the animals that swarm around would not have been this much"

Izumi had no problem with her attitude. The thing that made Izumi get all of it was just one, which is that Izumi is too 'perfect' for everyone, so people are trying to find faults and weaknesses for Izumi to take her down.

Izumi blames her fate of being born into a high-class family with abundant wealth, attractive looks, and genius, but along with the destruction and division in her family, which makes her plunge into the bottom of the abyss of life.

Izumi thought, if only she was born in an ordinary but harmonious family, her life would be calmer and happier.

*

My reflexes closed my mouth, and my eyes began to heat up.

"Regarding the photo you found, as you know, it was a picture of me with my foster brother, Kirian, Maeru, Rio, Rusen, and the grown man was my adoptive father, Lord Hazuki"

"And the man who seemed to be the new teacher when we saw him at school that time, he was Hazuki Kirian, my only remaining foster brother. As soon as I saw it, my anger immediately boiled over. Plus she's nice looking and her life looks comfortable, I can't hold back my emotions"

"It was when you were kidnapped by Maeru, what Maeru said was true. I am a murderous monster, whose existence was never expected"

"It happened a few years ago, but I'm still in an endless grudge"

"I killed many people just because of lust. Terrorizing everyone in school while laughing loudly"

"I am a failed product that exists in this world under the guise of a sickening 'genius child"

"I shouldn't be in this world. So it's no wonder my life is like that, it's a consequence for me who's already alive"

"No one expected my existence. Everyone thinks I---"

"Stop saying nonsense!" Shouted and immediately hugged tightly Izumi

"Don't! Who says no one expects you?! So you haven't considered me, Kagusa, Kei, and all your subordinates all this time?!" Shouted

"Izumi deserves to be happy too! People who have been born in the world means that they are destined to exist, as well as Izumi!"

Izumi's jaw hardened and both of her hands clenched tightly.

Immediately, I stroked the back of Izumi's head while gently patting her back. My eyes couldn't hold back any more tears hearing him seem so resigned to his life.

"It must be very painful, right? You're so good, you could've held it all by yourself all this time"

Izumi jerks. His body immediately felt stiff.

"...."

"You... You don't hate me? Even after knowing my past?" Ask Izumi

"Where might I hate you!"

"I... Killed a lot of people. Aren't you afraid of me?"

"It's only natural that Izumi is angry at all of them! If I were Izumi, not only the class people, but everyone in the school I'd finish all. No, not even everyone I know is gonna kill me"

I again stroked Izumi's head and buried her face into my shoulder.

"It's no surprise that Izumi was angry at all of them. I can't believe people are so heartless and cruel to Izumi"

"Now I can understand why Izumi is afraid and doesn't want me to know your past. Izumi was afraid that I would dodge and hate you like everyone else, right?"

".... Yep... I thought... I can't act like it anymore if you know. All the people who know me will hate me. So I think it's happening to you too"

"Basic fool!!"

I ended his embrace and stared fixedly at Izumi's blue eyes while tightly holding Izumi's two shoulders.

"After all the time we've spent, you think I'm gonna hate you? For some unsubstantiated reason the people who hated you before?!" Shouted

I tightened my grip on Izumi's shoulder and lowered my head.

"Ah, sorry. I'm a little annoyed you seem to think of me as just like everyone else, but I can understand. Moreover, we're so close, I can understand you're afraid if our relationship suddenly stretches"

I raised my head again and looked seriously at Izumi with reddened eyes as I could not help but cry.

"But Izumi, remember that I'm on your side no matter what! I believe you!!"

I hugged Izumi again and rubbed her head.

"If you don't believe in others, at least remember me, Kagusa and Kei will continue to be there for you"

"I'm sure it will be very difficult to convince Izumi. He's been hated and hurt by people too much. Although he knew me, Kagusa and Kei would be there for him, surely he still could not accept us completely" I thought

"He knew that if he had already opened his heart to someone, and that person betrayed him, his wounds were many times more painful than others. To avoid that, he would trust no one but himself"

"I know that. But still.... I want Izumi to believe me..."

I hugged Izumi tighter.

"You can bring out your complaints to me right now. Take all the unpleasant things out, I'll listen to it well"

"You must have wanted to pour out your heart all this time, right? But you always hold it because there's no suitable place. I wish I could be the right place for you"

Izumi again flinched. His body suddenly started shaking, and he immediately hugged me tightly.

"Why... Wh why? Why are all those difficult things on me? Why do people hate me? I tried my best as I could. But why?!..."

Izumi's originally flat voice, now turned sobbing and slightly trembling. Izumi who had been telling stories from the beginning continued to use her flat face expressionlessly, was now crying on my shoulder.

"I kept holding my ego. Killing and discarding my heart so as not to feel pain and continue to use the brain, constantly thinking logically and unselfishly"

"I'm tired of pretending to be okay as if there's no problem whatsoever! I also want to scream if I get angry. I also want to smile and laugh when I'm happy. Not smiling when I'm sad!!"

"I don't understand, what do they get from me until they do that?! If I could choose, I wouldn't choose to be who I am now!"

"I never got any love from Papa. Mama also hates me after Papa dies. Grandfather who didn't consider me and dumped me into the enemy family. Then the adoptive family endlessly tormented me for some vague reason"

"I kept on being alone and there was nowhere for me to lean. Every place feels dangerous, there is no home for me to feel comfortable in and share my story. All eyes on me were sharp and sinister as if they were looking at a criminal who became a dangerous fugitive"

"I got punished and apologized to prostrate without knowing what I deserved to do. I kept trying to survive even though everything seemed to drive me out of the world"

"They all did it as if thinking it wouldn't hurt me. I hate those who do anything to me!"

"I want to reply! But the old me didn't have the strength to fight them. I keep holding him!! Keep holding it for years! It's not easy at all!!"

"I knew they weren't thinking of killing me at first, and I knew I was killed by accident. But to me, it's the same! Although I was not impaled at that time, but in the future I will still die at their hands because of the torture they did. I was so angry, they kept torturing me for 4 years, but got nothing in return"

"Although many years have passed, but... It's all still clearly engraved on me. My body never forgets what they've done to me, and how much pain I keep getting"

"I... Can't stand all that... I'm not strong with everything... Every moment of my day is full of fear and anxiety all the time. My night was filled with thoughts of what more torture I would get the next day..."

"... L'm... I never expected people to be nice to me. At least, I hope people ignore me..."

Izumi tightened her embrace and put her face on my shoulder..

"As soon as I got out of that book after you unsealed it, I thought you were just like everyone else, so I terrorized you. I even thought about killing you because you could see me"

"But thank God you're tied to me even if it's an accident. After being tied up, I know you still don't know anything about me. Therefore, I used you to be a place of emotional outlet that has been buried all this time"

"I'm sorry... Because the good deeds you see from me are not really good either. And... Thanks for everything"