Boyfriend Lies

Break or Break?

I'm mute. Holding his breath while staring deep into the bottom of his eyeballs. This sudden silence made me slightly expect to find a glimmer of regret from that remark. Hoping for Bagas to apologize, but all I found was a serious look in the eye.

I ended up nodding, smiling knots, then moved from the edge of the bed. There was only one word I could throw in response to him. "okay."

"OKay?" Bagas back was surprised. He held my hand, so as not to step past it. "What does that mean, Ra?"

"What's the break?"

Honestly, I was half conscious I asked this. I just wanted to match my thoughts with his thoughts on the word break.

"The break was broken, but for a while. Why don't you think before you answer okay?"

"Yes, brother," I said, matching the meaning. I brushed off his hand, walking closer to the study table to grab a bag and a cell phone.

"Ra?" call him again, this time he walked to the doorway of the room. "You're still sleepy, huh? Still half conscious? Why is the reaction just that, doang?"

I'm down. Deep at the bottom of my heart, my race was already broken into pieces. I put it this way because of her relaxed and innocent-feeling nature. I'm like this because I feel like Bagas has made a decision.

"You understand the meaning of break, right? Brother asked for this is not the intention of breaking up, Ra. Brother just ask for a break time to live life alone. I want to focus on finishing the remaining service, already so—"

"Yes," concluded I who did not accept any reason.

"Huh-yes?"

"So big brother, yes." This time I spoke while looking directly into his eyeballs. Of course, Bagas was stunned. Her watery eyes made me believe that the words just now were able to hit the bottom of her soul.

While he was stunned, he let his guard down, I took another step back. It was necessary to pass through the doorway of the room, passing Kak Arman and his lover, until finally my steps again paused because of the words of a woman. "Ra, your pesenan."

Still in breath holding mode and clenching my hands, I took out a fifty thousand piece of money to pay for the order. "Favor, Brother."

"Mostly, Ra," said Brother Arman.

"No problem, brother. Suppose, aja, make a change of gasoline." I gave the widest smile to them before finally leaving without bringing a serving of food.

"RA?!"

I heard a scream from the same person. The wide and hurried pace was enough to fill my hearing drum that was still sitting on the terrace of the building. My hands that began to tremble were quite difficult to wear shoes on both feet.

"Ra?" This time he sat beside me. "Denger first! You think you misunderstood."

I'm speechless. Trying to ignore because my focus is only on shoes.

"Sister didn't ask to break up, Ra. Brother just asked for a break. That wasn't long either. Just one and a half months. I promise you, we're back as a prakerin again, okay?"

Done it. The work of tying the shoes was completed along with Kak Bagas' mouth that was closed again. My chest became more and more claustrophobic from sitting side by side with him. Still trying hard I stood up, gave him a smile last time, then bowed my sign decided to go home.

"Ra?" She clasped my hand again, holding my steps again as if my approval had not satisfied her heart at all. "Why are you, anyway? Give me sister's answer, Ra. You're not curious about the reason?"

Curious, but I'm sure that reason is just mischief. As a result, my movements remain the same. I threw out his hand before walking home.

Both my hands are clenched. As much as possible I catch my breath, so as not to aggravate the chest that continues to be tight. Walking like this, in this place, made me completely destroyed. I wanted to cry, scream loudly, but was obliged to act like everything was fine. It's hard, but it has to be done. I can't cry here. I feel innocent, so it's not worth being sad in front of him.

"Did?!"

The screams sounded again. I who strengthen the defense, pretend not to hear so continue to spur the pace.

"Ra?"

The same scream accompanied the crackling of his wide steps again. Actually, what's he after me for? I've agreed, but why isn't he satisfied?

"Ra!?"

Successfully my hand was held again.

"Don't do this, I'm! Hm? You took the oath! Brother is more willing to be beaten, slapped, scolded, or something like that. Brother would rather you like that than be like this."

He spoke with his chest up and down. Her red eyes had now turned to glass. It's a wonder, yes. He asked, but he was also injured.

"Don't diem hold dong, Ra! I'm afraid you're like this."

I gulped, clenched my hands as hard as I could, so that my mouth would not give him a word. My defense is on the lips, just once said, this stifled cry can be predicted to break instantly.

"Ra?" call him while shaking both my hands. "Slap brother! Hit or throw can also. You can do anything as long as you don't put it this way. Brother ... Brother thinks you're leaving. Sister—"

"Sister" called me at last. "We broke up, yeah." Actually, right. Just say a few words drops of water flowing on both cheeks.

Brother Bagas who found my destruction was instantly stunned for a long time. His hands tipped limp, no longer grasping let alone holding me running.

I took the initiative again, taking a step back, before finally moving away. Inundated, I let tears break, ignoring her body that was shaking violently due to the intense struggle of emotions from within.

As soon as I reached the index fence, I took the time to hold back my steps. My head was lowered inward with clenched hands.

"Don't ... Dara!" isakku. "Don't look back, don't look at him, just don't!" Next to my hand wiped the tears.

Not being chased, not being arrested, not being called. So stupid because I expected all three things after the disconnection. My clenched hands ended cupping my face because I wanted to keep sobbing so badly. I don't care anymore, I've taken off the shame, allowed myself to be seen by passing motorbikes.

A few minutes passed, my sobs ended because of the sound of the phone ringing loudly. At first I catch my breath, continue to take my phone, then look at the screen. A call came in from Brother Soraya. It just so happened that I didn't want to waste the opportunity.

"Where are you?" ask after the network is connected.

I cleared my throat, neutralizing the sound of not wanting Brother Soraya to guess the chaos of my heart and life. "It's still here, brother."

"What time do you go home?" he asked again and sounded unaware of the vibration of his sister's voice.

"Now. It's so." Now."

There's no answer. My ears only catch the sound of vehicles passing at the other end. Not long after, Brother Soraya again said, "Sister is leaving now. You can wait, right?"

I nodded, despite knowing Brother Soraya could not see that.

"Hide first, gih! Let's not see Bagas."

Rebuke my chest rumbles. "Don't know?" His words were as if he knew my situation was being squeezed.

"The obvious problem is not to know, but I'm sure you're not all right anymore. Share the location if you hide. Brother's on the road. Soon nyampe."

The disconnected call coincided with the motor stopping in front of me. Goddamnit! Haven't hidden yet, he's come here.

Kak Bagas' clothes have changed. No longer wearing uniforms. He was already wearing a leather jacket, complete with a beloved helmet.

"Come, Ra! Up!"

I turned my eyes. No power to lift up your mouth for fear of crying again.

"Ra?" Shamelessly, he clasped my hand. "Well, yeah?"

He who I ignored switched the keys, then got off the bike. No longer clasping one hand, this time he was grasping the other as well. Trying hard he pushed his face, following the direction of my movements that kept looking away.

"Don't break up, will you? Brother just asked for a break. Break is different from break up, Ra."

Different from breaking up, but the sister's call is not used anymore. What does it mean try? What want?

"Because sister Kayak like this—"

"I don't want to know" I refused, shaking strongly.

"Denger first, Ra. You should know why."

What else to try if not distance? That, right, makes him tired?

"Sister, don't want you to keep on caving. I feel a lot of sins because you are alone. Brother is not good you are always there for brother, but brother can not do the same thing."

Trivial. If it was true because of that, he should have just held on.

"Just break, Ra. Brother doesn't want to break up."

The silence happened again. Sis Bagas who continues to be ignored is seen folding his lips and holding back tears. He managed to lure me to the tightness again. Successfully pulled me into pity. Lucky because a car stopped behind Kak Bagas motorbike. The sense of compassion that had just been felt immediately evaporated into the clouds.

"Did?!" shouted Brother Soraya as his hands waved through the window.

I looked at the wave, gave a short nod, then took off Kak Bagas' hand on my arm.

"Did?!" He still held back my steps. "Don't break up, yeah! Don't go with Aya's car either! Brother can get you home."

I didn't bully him. Once again, I stomped the hand, so that he would stop holding back my steps. Soraya's sister to participate in this farewell. He got out of the car, opened the back door, and waited for me to get in.

Unfortunately, a hand once again blocked my arm. This time his grasp felt strong and stifling. "Ra, brother please! Brother doesn't want to break up" said the person who kept wringing my wrists.

While I was pensive. A little thought of the repetitive series of words he had uttered earlier. Why is that all he says constantly? Why didn't he say a magic word that could hold me back from here?

"Rho? Come home with brother, huh?"

Unable to stand the situation, I turned my back. I found her wet face with red eyes. The heart is no longer sad to see loved ones crying. Back I clap his hand which continues to hold my movement.

After catching my breath, I gave her the warmest smile. All right, we're finally at the end of this pain, Bagas. I'll just give you a little present before I go home.

My body was deliberately brought closer. Both hands also snuck next to the body of Kak Bagas. I'm just gonna hug for a second. Wait, the promise won't be long.

Unexpectedly, Brother Bagas returned the hug. So tightly, he led me into the arms until his head was bowed in. "Don't break up, Ra. Brother just asked for a break. Our abis prakerin promise is like it again."

My head shook. Still in the dark, I tried to give him a hard decision. "Sister, in Dara's life the decision on the relationship was only two. Made or lace. For Dara break it's a hope. So already, yeah. Don't feel tired anymore! Dara is truly free, sister of this relationship."

***