A Dusty Photo's

Chapter 17: Mom

...- A Dusty Photo...

...•••...

..._Safrank...

I don't know why I didn't focus on the last hour of class. Where my mind where. Starting from Anastasya, Moon and why the girl could faint this afternoon. I'm worried or I'm scared.

The definition of worry I feel is different when worrying about the Moon. Something deeper and I can't control.

Until the bell ringing lesson was over I did not stop my daydreaming. I was scared, stuffy and I don't know what else. Either because of the Moon or Anastasya. I don't know.

When class was getting quiet I drowned my face between the arms folded on the table. I'm tired. I want to fall asleep for a moment.

But not long ago I drowned my face, and my feet came to me. The soft touch rudder in the hair creeps so comfortably. I looked up to find Anastasya standing beside me. And when I looked at her face a beautiful and shady smile adorned that pretty face. I follow smiling.

"Why haven't you come home yet?" ask Ana. The girl pulled the chair from the side table and sat down near me.

"You alone?" ask me back. Wait for. Ye? So awkward.

"Again want something. We play, yuk? Change the time you couldn't yesterday."

You again? I feel a little strange. Looks like Ana tried to mend relations with me after this morning.

I nodded. Because I can't think about what I'm going to do after this. Going to Moon's house asking for news was obviously impossible. Because Han and Felix are already there. I've already told Juna. Surely that guy will take good care of the Moon. Why is my mind always on the moon.

•••

I and Ana chose Timezone to spend time after school. He is the one who invites me while I just say so. Because it feels, I haven't been pleasing myself in a long time. I have always struggled with this book and that. Tired too.

Ana took me here. Play this after playing it. That girl looks so happy. Pouting annoyed when losing in the game then laughing when he managed to get what he wanted. Ana is very beautiful when she smiles. Her eyes sparkled beautifully with lips endlessly widening.

It felt like I often saw that smile. Unknowingly, I smiled.

"Abra, are we playing it, yuk?"

"Relatedly? I will win later."

"Eits. Let's try it first." Ana grabbed my hand. He then took her to the game she was aiming for. "Yesterday I got a good grade on a basketball maple. Today will win."

"You want a bet?" I also challenged.

"OKAY. The loser pays for the ticket."

I nodded. Am I sure? Well, before that it was like this too.

I and Ana played until the afternoon. It feels so good.

I finished watching at about eight o'clock in the evening and drove Ana home. But before that he asked to stop by for grilled corn near the bend before entering the residential arena. I'm iyakan. I haven't eaten with Ana in a long time.

"Thank you for today." Ana arrived to speak. I opened my mouth to bite the corn so I stopped the intention.

"Well arrived."

"I can't focus all day. Think of the reason why you sent me." Ana. Playing the grilled corn. "I'm sorry, I don't have time for you at the end. I'm busy with my world."

I feel guilty if it is like this.

"Don't do it, Na. We are almost third grade. It's natural that you're busy with this or that." I ventured to touch her hair. Tidying it up because it flies in the wind.

"I just don't feel fair to you. You have no friends other than me before. But at the end of the day I was busy. Sorry, Bra. You have to find temen."

I know he'll be offending Han, Felix and the Moon in a minute. But I don't want to guess what it is.

"No. Don't feel guilty. Maybe it's me who can't understand you."

Breaking up from Ana is not about her busy life. It's not about a new friend like he said before. Breaking up from him is something I need to do because I'm tired. Toxic continues with relationship. But if I decide him now, I seem to be a guilty guy.

If not, I feel guilty about myself. I can't answer. Choosing to hug Ana warmly. So that I can't see her sad face or so that I can't see those watery eyes.

••••

At one o'clock in the night. I was still awake in the living room while sipping coffee and making friends with many textbooks. At the end of this I played a lot so I guess, my learning was pretty interrupted. Laptops are still faithfully lit featuring many electronic books. Books as thick as pillows are also a lot of open and display pages that I do not know again until where. My hands are also still actively recording although sometimes I realize my writing has been destroyed because of the effects of sleepiness.

Dimmed the middle room lamp that the teacher accidentally turned off just befriended the small study lamp that I brought from the room arrived the shadow of someone entered my view.

Bokap. With a crumpled suit and a briefcase that he was holding with his left hand. The middle-aged man approached me when our gaze met.

"You haven't slept, Sabrang?" that first sentence. He's very considerate, isn't he?

"Why did Papa just come home?"

"There's a lot of work in the office. Can't be tomorrow or left." I even sat on the sofa. Looking at my notes, looking at my tome before finally leaning back against the sofa.

"Papa if tired just go to sleep."

"Think again, at the end of this, Papa rarely talks to you."

"I'm busy. And Papa's more busy. That's normal, right. Besides, it's almost a new teaching now." I'm almost upset. But then back to the note in front of me.

"May Papa speak?"

"Why should now. Papa's tired, right?"

"Because you've always avoided."

I let out a breath. Suddenly the air became stuffy.

"It's about the new Mama, Sabrang is not ready. Sabrang's going to college anyway." I closed all the books, turned off the laptop and put it away. "Wait until Sabrang goes to college, Pa. Papa's gonna be more comfortable."

The conversation stopped. Now does that gur look evil? I mean, I always shy away from the chat smelling of marriage as well as my bokap. I'm not ready to call someone else Mama.

Why do I look cruel. It's been years since his death. And during that time I took care of myself. He takes care of all my needs. Playing as nyokap and bokap at once. Even if I am not busy, I often make breakfast or dinner for me. Something that seems rarely done by most bokap.

And after a long journey I was alone he was tired too. Need a life partner. But I always refused it.

I walk towards the room. There I passed a hallway with a picture of me hanging with a candle underneath. I looked at him inside. I thought I was very pretty. Her long hair was covered in a small ribbon on the right side. I know that photo is very old because my face line is still very soft. She is graceful in smile and sweet in words. If only I could still hear his voice.

I put the bag on the floor. Then light a candle for the light. Then I ducked.

"Ma, Sabrang misses. How's Mama there?" i'm closed. My eyes are hot.

"Sabrang kasian loi Papa, Ma. But Sabrang can't call another woman Mama." I'm perfectly crying.

I keep it warm. His soft hug. Her sweet voice. Although I can only remember it faintly, but I miss it so much.

"Well, Sabrang needs a story. Sabrang needs someone, Mah." I don't know anymore. Feels sick. It's because I rarely go to church until God does something bad to me.

Ah, I'm actually crying. I laughed a little. Why am I crying. I looked back at the stare.

"Good night, Mah. Sabrang's hug even in a dream."

••••

Note Author.

Enjoy your meal. Enjoy with my work..

Thanks. Paipai ♥