When the heart is no longer

Episode 8

My babysitter wanted to quit, the reason she was because her husband was sick and told her to stop working. Ma'am, tomorrow I go home said the aunt, my husband has a hard time walking, said the gout doctor, so I was told to go home, because no one takes care of him at home, yes, make nothing later I can tuck adek where my friend said I.

The aunt came with me for almost 3 months, she was very helpful with my household chores, in addition to accompanying my adek, that is my 3-year-old son she also helps with laundry and cooking, it seems like she is at home, just maybe because her husband is sick, I don't want to let him go home. The aunt was our neighbor who lived close to my mother's house, my mother who looked for her for me, every parenting child stopped must be my mother who was involved in the bothered, he said, because if my schedule is crowded or sometimes I go out of town my mother who helps me, I know very well my situation, how to bother taking care of 2 children besides work.

All must be lived, however, so hard to live. Some people think that my life is very good, the house is there, the vehicle is there, a lot of income, want anything to buy. They do not know the real life, how we are being chased by time, conflicts in the family, and the guilt of losing time with children plus a very short rest period. They only assess each beginning of the month received a thick envelope, without knowing behind it a lot of drama that took place.Finally I was entrusted with my adoptive brother, who was, every time I came home from work I had to pick him up to my brother's house and just came home, but this didn't last long, because the situation that I had predicted from the beginning was not effective in terms of time, this adds to the confusion in the household, if I go home from work I have to be on time because of the change of guarding the little one, but because my working hours are not necessarily resulting in quarrels for the sake of quarrels, initially ordinary, aja, sometimes a little follow my husband taken where he went, actually not so much problem, because my son is independent, he easily familiar with anyone even people he just knew, everywhere also bring a car, because my son is independent, he easily familiar with anyone even people he just knew, everywhere also bring a car, so if he is tired and sleepy to rest in the car that, after all, he is not a fussy child, he is easy to get along and adjust to anyone, both with his peers and with parents. But my husband, maybe he wants to be free and not bound to carry children everywhere, here I am wrong again, if outside working hours there is overtime I can not come. He himself who handles my work, I'm more depressed, on the one hand I have to be willing whenever called for work on schedule, the more here I get cornered, at home with my husband, the more, at work with friends and bosses. Some of my friends often offend intentionally, even until the doctor there without trivia said I was scared when it was outside rs. All is not my will all these problems are increasing the stress of my mind, my body is getting thinner because of loss of appetite and a lot of thoughts, even disrupted sleep schedule is not calm in the least. In this situation I am confused about who to talk to, want to talk to family I do not want to trouble them, want to talk to friends embarrassed, they all already know this situation, they all know this situation, on one side I am quite skilled in work, many doctors who believe me as his assistant, even one day one of the heads of the room of a section said that in fact I was made a candidate to advance as the next head of the room after the current head of the room retired, but again he confirmed, if the situation is like this, it must be an obstacle, because as a head of the room must be loyal to work time, loyal to the company. That is the obstacle now, hearing it makes me worse and feel very sad. O Allah, if indeed Your will is to come, nothing is impossible, may all that will come to pass be the best path I must accept my prayer to God, because frankly my head is dizzy and if you think about this it feels like breaking, cold hot body and heart dagdigdug.At this time my husband is back in action, he says the car must be sold, lots of debt, buying and selling is not a profit, I was surprised by his words. All this time I did not pay much attention to his business, how much capital and how much profit because he was not too open about it, too, the second he talked about would improve the relationship with my aunt whose money had been used for housing investment, in this case would be returned 10 million and explain everything, I can not prohibit or agree, even if I forbid it, he would still do and I have a long lecture, if I do it means one by one our treasures are lost. Flashback to the back, once after marriage I was given my mother a bracelet and my grandmother gave me a ring, at that time with the excuse for capital all sold, and my grandmother gave me a ring, even the necklace from my salary before marriage was also sold, once I asked, on the grounds that as a wife would also wear jewelry like others, but what answers I got, I asked, I bought you a bracelet, a ring, a necklace but the effort can not go again he said, you want, I just keep quiet, whereas at that time he just said it was borrowed temporarily, later buy again, after returning the capital, after returning the money, but the reality that I got zonk alias does not exist. One more thing that made my family sick, before I got married I took a motorcycle on credit, with a down payment from my salary early in work, at that time my brother said pay 50% us and 50% him, he said, we agreed, but it didn't last long, he only paid a few times and the rest my brother paid for it, worse the bike was sold on the grounds of changing the new model, and my brother did not get a bagjan at all, actually embarrassed as a bitch, but my brother understood, especially at that time my parents' economy was quite good so it was not too much of a problem.