Sharing Love: Is My Husband Yours?

Lost Control

Once back in the room, Mas Darwin immediately prepared to sleep. He slept in his bed and just fell asleep without saying anything to me. In the meantime, I find it hard to close my eyes.

'What should I do to get Mas Darwin interested in me?' my thinking. I'm not good at flirting with men.

I looked at my face in the mirror. I don't think I'm too ugly to be a woman. I'm pretty sweet, I can even say my face is more ayu than my friends. What do I need to fix or add to make Mas Darwin want to see me?

'Could he be tired of beautiful women because every day meet beautiful students? Or, if he used to love women as the mother said, could he not move on from the beauty of the woman? Or, could it be that he did not like women at all?'

Question after question kept raging in my heart. And, I still couldn't find the answer even though I insisted on thinking. 'What is Mas Darwin hiding?'

The night finally changed dawn. After the dawn prayer Mas Darwin took out the clothes he would wear from inside the suitcase. Then, he went to take a shower.

I've been watching Mas Darwin's behavior ever since. I then took out a mini steam iron from inside my bag. This iron I brought from home on purpose just in case maybe Mas Darwin's shirt is tangled.

I took his shirt, pants, suit, and tie. I rubbed them one by one and placed them back on top of Mas Darwin's bed in a non-folded position. Darwin then emerged from the bathroom and saw his clothes were more neat.

No comment was made from his lips. Without wasting much time he rushed to put on those clothes. It's like a hurry. Then, he took the hair oil, flattened it, and brushed his hair quickly.

I took his tie and took the initiative to help him put the tie on. Then, I took a suit and helped him put on a suit. Then, I had not expected him to touch my shoulder at all, bring his head closer to my forehead.

My heart suddenly immediately thumped, my blood rustling receiving an unusual treatment from him.

"Deg, deg! Deg, deg!" My heart is still beating. However, it turns out .. nothing happened.

He immediately took a few steps back from me. "I'm sorry, I lost control" he said immediately.

I scrunched my eyebrows, not understanding his words and attitude. He rubbed his face then rushed to pick up the laptop bag and prepare the file.

"I have to leave immediately" he said, taking a pile of money out of his wallet and putting it on the table.

"Today I'm going to be at a seminar all day. Then, I have a little business with my colleagues. I'll be back by 8 p.m. Don't wait for me in the room because you'll get bored. Also no need to wait for me to eat, I'll eat outside."

He looked at me and continued his words again. "If you want to eat, you can order or buy anything you like. Here's the money for you, buy a suitcase so you don't complain anymore! Many shops near here sell suitcase bags. If you need transportation, you can order an online taxi. If you don't know the way, you can use gmap."

Then Mas Darwin walked over to the door, turning over for a moment. "I go first" he said, then disappeared behind the door.

"Heftttth...." I took a deep breath. Without me saying anything, Mas Darwin had left me alone. "This morning he's gone" I muttered.

'Is the seminar going to start this early?' my thinking. 'Or, is he avoiding me?'

"Lost control" I murmured. 'Does that mean that all this time Mas Darwin always tried to control his emotions and body to not approach me?' my question is in my heart. 'But, why?'

I'm getting curious and it makes me stronger to prove Mas Darwin's normalcy. 'Today I have to prove it myself, ' I said in my heart.

Then, I took a shower and prepared to leave the hotel room. After breakfast I went outside the hotel. I chose to walk because I wanted to enjoy the view on the streets. I saw some bule walking and then passing by.

'Astaghfirullah, so sexy, ' I said in my heart when I saw the Caucasians casually walking in the crowd, using only tight tanks and hotpants so short.

I still feel ashamed to have to perform like that in front of Mas Darwin, my own husband. I always wear full clothes in front of Mas Darwin, only the hijab that I sometimes do not wear if at home and in hotel rooms. I never even went outside the bathroom using a towel in my in-laws' house. Since the bathroom wasn't in the room, I felt embarrassed and disrespectful if I had to go out wearing only a towel. I always get dressed in the bathroom and come out fully clothed.

'Should I dress sexy like that to arouse Mas Darwin's passion and interest?' my thinking.

'No, no, no!' I shook my head. 'Mas Darwin would have thought I was teasing her and I looked like a cheap woman, ' I thought.

I also continued my journey. At five o'clock in the afternoon after being content to explore, I finally returned to the hotel by renting an online taxi. 'She hasn't come back yet, ' I thought. I opened my phone to check if he was texting or not.

As I thought .. like any ordinary day Mas Darwin does not send a single message if I do not send a message first. 'Mas Darwin really doesn't care about me, ' I thought quite sadly. Darwin was not worried whether I was lost or not. In fact, this morning I didn't hear a single word 'Contact me immediately if anything happens!' emerging from his lips.

He let me wander alone as I please just like that. There is no fear if something bad happens to me. 'That's enough to prove that Mas Darwin didn't love me, ' I thought. I shed tears of disappointment.

Suddenly my phone rang. A message came in commenting on the status photo I uploaded yesterday afternoon.

'Rania you're on the beach again? Honeymoon huh?' That's a message from Nelly.

'No Nelly. Darwin is working here. I just accompany you, ' my reply.

'Don't tell me your relationship is still tenuous!' reply Nelly.

I want to type a reply, but I cancel. 'No one else should know much and interfere in my household affairs, ' I thought.

'You need to be more aggressive, Rania! Make sure whether your husband is not as normal as you think or something else he is hiding.' Another message from Nelly.

'Don't you until later regret it! Before it's too late.' Again the message from Nelly appeared to make me even more depressed.

'Out there I'm sure there are a lot of women who are after your husband.'

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