Prayer for My Husband

Chapter - 2 Always So

Hmmm ........

do not feel already chapter 2 aja this story, finally this time I can write two thousand words dong in one chapter.don't get bored ya friends read it, this time I can write two thousand words dong in one chapter,this is indeed my true story that I do not want to tell my friends and family, I only dare to write here, I without you will not be this determined to write my story.

It's about my husband, though,

Every day we always fight no matter what the problem we still noisily, noisily,sometimes I was kicked out by my husband but sometimes I just cry while silent I was afraid also expelled because I want to live where else, I already have no parents and savings, ' he said ,I gave up the important thing not to be kicked out,even though my husband has so many flaws and vices in him he has the advantage that he is not light-handed and never hit me that is what I defend from him being my husband. yes, although sometimes like to hit my second daughter who was little, she just hit my feet anyway but sometimes I hurt the same way she did to my son.

we both had our favorite children, my husband was more affectionate to our first son, because he was born when we were still nothing and became the subject of my family's insults,while I love my second daughter more, because she was born as if not wanted by her father, and until the second child was born we are still this way,o Allah this is what is called less blessings of our rezqi.pdal I often worship and sometimes alms to small children.that I do not understand anymore why this is my fate.

Rarely eat often I experience with my children, sometimes they want to snack I am sad because I do not have money anymore.every month most payday money that lasts only 3 days, the most payday, because it's been used up in paying debts here and there, because I'm the type of person who is wasteful in terms of food especially for my son and husband sometimes I spend without thinking how long tomorrow again, like tomorrow,because my husband also always said to spend money looking, search again .hahaha.............

If we run out of money we look again to borrow interest money with his cousin my husband with a fairly large interest.to meet our needs for the next month.yes at least we live not troublesome family and beggar in the eyes of the family to beg.

sometimes my husband is also dishonest with the salary he gets because he pays his drug debts every month to the drug dealers.

When our first child graduated from Kindergarten we also had trouble finding money to redeem his visa because he had to pay for two hundred thousand more at that time, and our son entered school needed a large shirt, and our son needed a big shirt, his shoes, bags and stationery, and also the entrance fee to the school.but Alhamdulillah there is only rezqi we can pay for all that.

my relationship with my husband is still a bit tenuous because of the problems he and my former best friend had, I began not to focus on my son and husband, he said,I started replying by chatting with men on social media without meeting because they were all distant people,but behind me wanting revenge and seeking pleasure I still do my duty as a wife even though I care little about my husband,at that time there was a man who made me comfortable once he lived in the city.he was a widower was just his confession I don't know very well or not.he often paid attention to me and was kind to the child secondly because he has no children, my heart began to waver.

Every day we chatted every day without meeting, and there came a time when I knew my cousin, and I didn't think we'd even meet in town,it turns out that he is handsome very different from the photo, he obeys worship not missed his five time, I feel comfortable with him how dong but I love my husband, my husband,at that time I felt I wanted to divorce my husband haha.....

because I get more attention better and more affection to my son.he's well established already got his own house,

he always said,

"It's just like me living here".

It was clear that he seriously wanted to be the same as me.But not too I responded anyway because I just wanted to play back to my husband.

I was often invited to spend the night in the city with my cousin, sometimes I met him occasionally Happy again heart when I met him.But I immediately realized I had a child and husband, but I immediately realized I had a son and a husband,so we just met each other and never did anything, but over time I was sick and tired of this playful relationship.

maybe because I just want some entertainment.

Finally, I have rarely joined my cousin to sleep in the city, preferring to keep the child at home and return to accept the Deeds of my husband who once cheered me.

we still fight a lot and fight whatever it is, it's always a noisier storm.Honestly I'm tired of all this, sometimes he always says yes, yes, yes, yes, but the truth is nil again, and I was just given false promises and false hopes.

sometimes in my mind comes "Why don't I just use my husband to submit and obey me all my words".

But, where there are shamans who are really real can make such a thing, to be honest my intention is to use but my heart is a lot of doubt and never sure of the very impossible for me.

"O Allah where I complain other than you, there is no doubt in my mind if you will, because you are almighty who turns a person's heart upside down.

Sometimes I go to the grave of my parents who to confide in them, what I experience and feel.my happy times can only be felt when there are still mama and father, only,I thought after marriage my life would be a happy and better economy of my life,but the real wrong.I think I will not get in trouble again when I have a stupid husband I why can only feel regret now, now,why don't I realize I didn't have a child when he betrayed me first with my friend, too.

I had been advised to separate from Kaka and my father, but I denied all of them because I did not want to be an ungodly wife, I wanted to be a dutiful wife at that time,even though the wounds my husband had made were deep enough.

My late father once spoke to me, once,

but I said "no sir, God willing, he can make me happy one day.

" And my father replied in a low tone "Well son is your choice, so if one day you are unhappy it's the father's choice."

"In my heart I said I would prove to my father that I would succeed and I would prove it."

Just now I feel it turns out my father's words are right, The pain is God what I have to do all has gone,Suppose I don't have children and I already know the nature of my husband so long thought me immediately I was desperate to leave him even though my heart was still in love.

Often he made me wrong never once did he say sorry to me, always I was weakened to approach him and want a warm embrace from him, he said,every once in a while he made a mistake he never again apologized but always I was the one who approached him and wanted to be in his arms.I felt my love was like a clap that would never sound when clapped.

Almost every day I always begged him to change, he always answered "yes someday I change, not forever I keep going this way ." The answer like that made me melt and weak again, How many weeks later I asked again and the answer was still the same "yes someday I change, not forever I keep this way."

Sometimes I can be sick of just the words I get but not the real proof. I have softly advised, already the way with anger I nasehati but what? it's just a promise, not proof.

Once I ran out of patience I told everything with her parents, they were like no one believed, I was like a woman who could only make up stories to mock my husband. I realized from the beginning that I was married to my husband that no one liked me much less agree with me but sometimes I always did not know myself to want to always be close and close to them,because I think who knows someday they'll like me in my heart said.

Sometimes his parents often advise, but always denied and answered by my husband, God kasian my husband sin once he, he,often denied and angry to his parents.every day I pray that he changes and becomes a good parent for our children later.Aamiin

but God has heard my prayer, why Allah? is this karma for me that I never listened to my parents' advice before.

if this is indeed the karma of the servant please take away this suffering, God, I have lived this life for too long, but there is no end to my suffering.

My life is filled with people who hate me, am I fucking God ?.Do I not deserve to be happy even once, the happiest happiness I feel is having a pair of boys and girls,I feel like a perfect woman, but in the love life of family and friendship I am the unluckiest man in the world.

I used to feel happy when having a husband turned out to be wrong, husband to me is only a two-faced enemy, when with me he is good behind me he warmuka another again.

he always mocked me if in front of the opposite sex, whether looking for attention or really does not like me.

when I am tired of praying for her kindness.

o Allah, if he cannot change for me, please open the door of my heart, O Allah make me realize that he is not the best for me.

not realizing my tears were dripping typing this, imagine from the beginning of marriage I was only in pain but I always try to be patient and pray for him to be guided and aware of his bad deeds.2009 Until this second 2021 his actions still remain the same no changes that exist only more severe.

After I was heartened to make peace with the situation, we accidentally visited my husband's cousin's house, there my husband's friends who were drunk, there,accidentally they also told me about my husband who often went to the place of naughty women Time still has not been dating me, broke my heart and my feelings at that time. why the hell I always knew when I had two children, why no one told me when we were dating, I was actually angry with my husband's cousin and friends,why tell a story in the present moment when I forget all my problems with my husband,when my husband's bad habits were heard in my ears I immediately kept silent and a pale smile while glancing at my husband with a look of disdain and amusement.

I also covered my anger with my husband in front of his friends and cousins,I always smile to assume like nothing happened.when in my heart I want to go home rubbing my teeth and my whole body and want me to wash with seven-figure water.finally there is a chance for me and my husband to home with the reason our son already wanted to go home because sleepy.my husband has memorized my nature and know that I am he I must be angry.on the way home my husband talked to me "de why silence?" I replied in a soft "gapapa" tone she began to discuss "It's not me de, but my cousin's husband "I said again "if it's not you why we should just keep quiet".

"I don't feel good about my cousin de's husband, I'm quiet." But still I feel disgusted and annoyed to my husband.But my gut feeling says that it is my husband, because it is his hobby.gambling, drunkenness, drugs, and women of the night.

When the door of my heart was opened to hate him immediately, I was tired of all the lies he always gave me.

I'm tired of being the woman he always lied to, I'm tired of always being a patient woman for him I'm confused what should I do this time?.

Do I have to stay afloat again.