PHILOPHOBIA, When I'm Afraid of Falling in Love But Getting Married Is My Dream .

Me and the Wedding .

I was like a wanderer who did not know the direction of his destination.I walked for miles in hope, I could return like the old me. I was cheerful, I was flippant, I was , I'm passionate in many things especially about my little dream of marriage .

all these years I've turned into an introvert, preferring to be alone and forgetting how to smile at least that's what the people closest to me have told me, until finally God returns my smile again .

Four years ago I managed to get out of the narrow and dark passageway that at any moment could have killed me. My thoughts of suicide came many times to me back then . once I stood on the porch of my two-story house, I looked around and I imagined ‘if by jumping could erase the past, I was going to jump for this moment as well’ but then the thought was on my heels and now I can finally get back up straight looking at the sky that I was afraid to look at .

Four years have been my days adorned with happiness I never imagined before . well there is someone new in my life who was either sent by God to me until when but it is clear until this moment that the male figure is able to make my laughter back . Dev Pradana His name is a good guy figure in my opinion, has a height of 168 cm, mature brown skin , criwil's hair or a little wavy and narrow eyes like Korean actors who distinguish only his skin but nothing that is important to me he is still the best .

In general starting something new it takes process and introduction again about new things, as well as me and him , we both start all over, from scratch, we start telling stories about things that are not important until the things that are most important .

And I think it might also happen to everyone in general and then like everyone else we had a serious conversation until finally I discussed something important in my opinion but no important for him is about marriage, honestly as a girlfriend and as a woman I was shocked when I heard his words, in my heart I had opposed his words that he thought marriage was the same as ending, which means he is not interested in marriage at all , I don't know I'm confused too but it's what I can catch if I see the attitude of him who seems reluctant to discuss it , though I think at the age of our courtship who has entered the age of four years should have had to think about it but at this time somehow he looks reluctant to talk about it . then I looked at him slowly but then I started thinking maybe he had another reason to make him have to say that . But I didn't ask him why and why ? I just smiled a little at her, and I told her about the wedding in my opinion .

“ for me the wedding is everyone's small dream but not everyone succeeds in marriage “

“ well .... quite poetic “ He said to me . at that time I was reluctant to discuss it further because if seen from the look of his face he seemed reluctant to discuss it and there was a silent action that enveloped our night that day in the park near my house while occasionally eating my food and he also with his food . And that night we cover it with silent action to reach each other's homes .