Not the Forbidden Miss

Eleven - What are the Terms?

I'm getting lulled by Mas Azril's touch. I realized that I was not loved, even though I loved Mas Azril. Yeah, I admit I love her. I have fallen in love with her, but I must not be lulled again by her fondling. I don't want to be touched anymore, because Mas Azril doesn't love me.

“Already, enough!” I pushed the strong body of Mas Azril who was already on top of my body, clasping my body with passion.

“Why, Mala?” asked Mas Azril with a hunting breath.

“Do not do it again, Mas! Enough, I don't want to do it with people who don't love me! I am indeed your wife, I know I sin if I do not want to serve you, but I also have the right to refuse, because my husband does not love me! Doing with people who don't love me is like being raped, being forced. I don't want any more, sorry!”

I trim my clothes that are partially open. I had also felt my passion burning, but I realized, I did not want to be touched without love. If that's the case, it's the same as having me raped. Having sex without love, just because of lust is not like raping?

I'm shuffling down from my bed. I went straight into the bathroom. I was crying under the shower. I know I was wrong, I sinned against it, but why should I keep serving him if he doesn't love me? I screamed in the bathroom. My heart aches and breaks. I'm sure Mas Azril heard me cry, until I screamed many times. I really feel like I'm just a lustful mas Azril, when I'm at home. But, while she was at Farah's house, she did so with all her heart and love.

I heard Mas Azril knocking on the bathroom door loudly. More precisely banging on the bathroom door. Maybe he panicked to hear me screaming and crying, because I was just this upset. I'm really sick, I want to end it but what about Mama and Papa, and my Dad and my Mom?

Oh Allah ... What should I do? Should I go back to the beginning? Like when I first got married to Mas Azril? I must serve him wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly, and with the love I have for Mas Azril? Or do you think, I refuse every time Mas Azril asks? Yes, I know my parents and Mas Azril's parents were expecting a grandchild from us, especially Mama. Then what do I have to answer, if one day my son asks if he was born in this world with love or not? Should I answer no, or should I lie to my son, if he is the fruit of my love for Mas Azril?

Nah! I can't lie. Maybe I can reason to Mama, and everyone, why am I not pregnant yet? There are many reasons I would tell them, but I have no reason if my son would ask if he was born into this world with love?

Still heard Mas Azril banging on the bathroom door. I have overcome my crying. I put my bathrobe on, then I opened the bathroom door. I looked at Mas Azril with a panicked look on my face who had just come out of the bathroom.

“You all right, Mal?” ask Mas Azril to panic.

“Yang mas view?” I replied casually then immediately walked past Mas Azril who was standing in front of me.

I took the clothes, then I took them to the bathroom again, to change, usually I change in front of Mas Azril, with occasional teasing, but the times start tonight, he said, there is no more intimate for the two of us.

“What do you want to bring clothes to the bathroom, Mal?” ask Mas Azril.

“You changed clothes, why?” my answer.

“Why should it be in the bathroom?” ask Azril again.

“You're my wife, why is it? Can't I touch you again?” tanyakanya.

I didn't bully him. I just go inside, put on my shirt, comb my hair and nail my skincare tonight. I can't lose, I have to be strong to defend all this. I just want to be touched if Mas Azril loves me. I'm not a hypocrite, I'm a pussy, and I really want to do something like that, which might have made me opiate. But, when I remember Mas Azril saying that he couldn't love any other woman besides Farah, I feel so despicable if I did it again, and enjoy a hot game with Mas Azril.

I came out of the bathroom, I still found Mas Azril who was still standing in front of the bathroom door, waiting for me to come out of the bathroom.

“Got tired of standing here keep?” I was passing through Mas Azril.

“You're nothing, Mala! You rejected me who wanted to touch your body! You are my wife, Mal!” his erang.

“Iya, I'm your wife, Mas! But, I'm the wife you don't love, rather it's just status! Why do I serve you who do not love me? It's the same as serving a striped-nose man who thirsts for lust! I am not a woman of the night, not a comfort woman, who is only to accommodate your lust when there is no Farah by your side! Where did you do that with Farah? You obviously love her, you are also her husband, you are husband and wife, despite marrying siri? There do it! I don't matter! Even I am happy, do not need to bother every morning to pray in a cold shower, no need to bother collection of sexy clothes. Take it to the hospital if you still want!” my pedicabs.

“You know, a wife who refuses a husband to marry her is a sin, Mal!” his erang.

“Do not talk of sin! More sinful where have you lied to me, huh? Which sins? You're not just lying to me, Mom! But with mama, papa, and everything! Don't talk about sins! We are both sinners! Let God do me a curse because I will not serve you, but God knows who is wronged, Mas!” I'm no less angry with him.

Let me not care that I am a sin, for it is against my husband. He began, if I am patient and willing to serve him, there he added. I do love him, but my brain is still sane, still able to think which is good and which is not.

“For Mama, Mal. Please don't put this up.” Mas Azril's speech was getting lower. “Mal, Mama wants us to give you a grandchild, Mal?”

“Iya, I know. But, how can I give the right reasons for Mama and others? If we can't have children. But, can you give a reason to our child, if one day our child asks if he was born in this world with love? What do you want to answer? While there is Sefi whose presence greeted you and Farah with love? Then our son? You don't love, Mom! Even though I love you so much! Yes, I admit I love you, I'm in love with you, but why do we do it, if only I love?” my clear.

“Then what do you want?”

“I want, there is no such thing as having sex from tonight! You have Farah, please be with the one you love, not with me! I am your burden, you can let me go, Mom! Nor will I prevent you from marrying Farah officially!” firmly answer. “But, I request one condition!”

“What are the terms, Mal?” ask Mas Azril.