Not the Forbidden Miss

Ten - I've Loved Him Too Much

I obey Mas Azril. My motorcycle I live in the Hospital, I also do not want the midnight rain, let alone this rain first time down after a prolonged summer. I guess it won't rain this hard.

Azril came down with an umbrella to pick me up. “Ayo Mala,” Invite Mas Azril.

Mas Azril embraced me, stuck my body into his body, we were one umbrella together. “Come in.” Mas Azril opened the car door, I got in the car. Mas Azril half ran, he then went inside, and folded back his umbrella.

I kept quiet, I no longer wanted to argue with him, because it was useless, my time and energy were wasted. Let it be, what does he want. I'll just look and watch. I wanted to divorce, but seeing Mama's condition, I became pityed, and I expressed my intention to part with Mas Azril. If he still wants to legally marry Farah, maybe I'll grant him. Most importantly Mama and Mommy are fine. It is also impossible for me to tell Mother and Father about my situation now, nor can I tell him I am going to divorce. Father and Mother have a history of high blood, if you are thinking of anything, it could be relapsing, and fatal consequences. Let it be, everyone around me sees me happy, even though I feel the pain and pain of living my life.

I went into my room after I got home. I immediately changed my clothes, put dirty clothes into the dirty laundry basket, I saw Mas Azril also enter the room after I finished changing clothes. I'm acting normal, I don't want to make any more noise. I tidied my hair, finished that I get a change of clothes for Mas Azril.

“Change clothes first, Mas,” I said while giving a change of clothes.

“Still, Mal,” said.

I just nodded, then I went to bed. “Her dirty clothes go directly into the basket yes, Mas?” I said when I saw Mas Azril going to the bathroom.

“Iya,” answer.

I pulled my blanket, then replaced the light with a sleeping light. I remember what happened at the hospital. I keep remembering everything. Maybe my life could be this bad. The marriage that I dreamed of, all became a nightmare in my life. I thought, Mas Azril loves me very much, and accepts this marriage sincerely and wholeheartedly. Apparently not so, he never loved me in the least. She also accepted this marriage solely because of her mother.

I am proud, I am the daughter-in-law of my Mama-in-law's choice, Mama also loves me very much, but what I want is not only that, I also want a husband who loves me. Although out there most women want to have a good mother-in-law like Mama, but if the husband does not love what is the point of getting married? Sometimes women are loved by the husband, not necessarily dear to the mother-in-law. Even sometimes with his mother-in-law like a mortal enemy. There was nothing to do with the in-laws. Sometimes when invited to the house of in-laws, there are ogah-ogahan, say my in-laws this is, that is, evil, chattering? I I am a lucky woman, have her parents-in-law very good?

But, I also want to be loved by my husband, like women in general, who is so loved by her husband. Never mind, I accept destiny, maybe it's my own, married to a man who doesn't love me.

I'm really nervous, like there's less tonight. Not going to be a hug from Mas Azril, and a warm kiss from him. I was angry and disappointed with him, but I couldn't sleep without a hug. Maybe as long as we were together, I was used to sleeping in his arms, even until the morning, Mas Azril still hugged me. Although our marriage was still a corn, Mas Azril was so kind to me, and already made me fall in love with him.

I still can't close my eyes. Already changed my sleeping position, looking for a comfortable one, but I have not been able to find a comfortable one, as comfortable as Mas Azril's embrace, and Mas Azril's caress. I was facing towards Mas Azril, and it turned out that Mas Azril was also facing towards me. Our gaze met, Mas Azril's hand immediately rubbed my head.

“Why? Can't sleep?” ask Mas Azril.

I just snorted, harshly wasting my breath, because I couldn't sleep without his embrace. I'm upset with myself, why can I do this, but sleep is just to sleep? But why since marriage I can't sleep without being embraced by Mas Azril.

“He even took a breath? Wh why? Still angry, still upset. Please anger me again, if you need to hit me, because I have hurt you,” said Mas Azril by looking at me. “Tomorrow, get angry again, or hit me. I will accept, because I was wrong with you,” Mas Azril repeated.

I just kept quiet, looking at Mas Azril who was also looking at me with a gaze that nourished my heart. I can't deny, I've fallen in love with him, but why does it have to be like this? Mas Azril rubbed my cheek gently, he was still looking at me, his gaze turning into a sad look. I don't know why it could be.

He moved closer to me, then hugged me tightly. Swiping back. “Sleep, I know you can't sleep yet, because I haven't hugged you yet. You used to tell me you can't sleep without me hugging,” she said by hugging me.

I was silent in his arms. I don't feel my tears dripping. I felt calm in his arms. I felt comfortable and safe in his arms. A hug that always calms me down. I returned Mas Azril's embrace, and my tears began to flow, until my sobs were heard.

“I'm sorry, your heart can forgive me, Mal. I'm a cruel man, I did all this for Mama's sake, sorry I had the heart to bring you into this world of mine. Ii'm sorry. You can be angry, you can hate me, as long as you stay here, be my wife. I will not divorce you, it is my promise, I will make you happy, as much as I can. I beg your understanding, Mal. I can't leave Farah either, there's Sefi among us.”.

Yes, I realized, he had Farah and Sefi long before he knew me. I don't know what to do, I do feel comfortable around him, I feel like I'm very loved, even though in reality he says he doesn't love me. But, isn't love not necessary? Love can be done through an action. Is Mas Azril like this because he actually loves me? Ah, I don't think more, I don't want to get sick anymore. Let it be, let it be like this. I am still his wife, even without being loved. I don't know how much I'm going to miss being loved by my husband, it feels like my husband told me in front of me that he loves me. Maybe as time goes by, Mas Azril will love me. I will not give up, I will live all this, I will allow Mas Azril to marry Farah officially, and I will prove, he is right with his words or not, to be fair to me and Farah.

I love her so I will make her fall in love with me. I'm sure Mas Azril will love me someday.