Not a Choice

52

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...You deserve to be happy even if your happiness is not made of me. Find that happiness in your ways and dreams....

...~Byakta Kalingga~...

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Runa was still standing in front of Sandy's nursery. Sandy's condition makes Runa feel pain. Runa closed her eyes hoping Sandy would wake up from her coma. He could only look at that beautiful face. His eyes looked so caring and affectionate to Sandy. It made his heart ache. Is there still hope for him to return to the idol he left seven years ago? Ata is not sure. Regret always comes too late, he is so jealous to see the attitude Runa showed for Sandy.

As the day progressed, the team of doctors had told when the operation would be carried out. Runa and the others hoped that everything would go smoothly.

"You're strong, honey. You must be able to hold on to your mother" Runa whispered softly in Khan's ear, encouraging his baby. Runa wants Khan to know that his mother loves him very much.

"Runa, here, son! We wish Khan all the best" Lina said as she clasped Runa's hand. Runa simply nodded, his soul lethargic, his gaze blank. Only tears as a marker if he is not okay.

After three hours, the operation was finally over. The doctor came out of the room with a tired face. Seeing that, Runa rushed to the doctor. With a sad look on her face, Runa asked her son's condition.

"How's my son doing, Doctor? Is the operation going well? Is he okay." Runa leaned over the various questions with a soft and quivering voice.

"The operation went well. Now we just need to pray that the patient can get through his critical period. After that, the patient can be transferred to the treatment room, so please be patient." The bespectacled doctor gave an answer to Runa's question and gave her composure.

"Thank you, Doc." Runa clenched her hand a sign she was grateful for.

"Together, ma'am, it has become our duty. We excuse you.” After saying that, the doctor passed from before Runa.

After the doctor died, Runa still could not calm down. Khan has not yet passed his critical period. Runa prayed for Khan to come to his senses. During the transition period, Runa did not move for a second from Khan's side. Runa and Ata were next to Khan overnight, while Lukman, Lina, and Runi returned to Khan's treatment room.

"Runa, forgive all my mistakes" Ata said slowly. The man saw how tired Runa was with all the events that had happened to him. Ata begins to realize, if her overly rash self has caused Khan and Sandy like this. Ata was getting sadder when all this caused Runa to suffer greatly.

“I want you to be happy, and I know your happiness is not with me.” Ata bowed her head until her tears began to drip. “I'm sorry I've been selfish.”

"Already, Ta. For now I just want to focus on Khan. He is the source of my happiness. He is my life. The rest is a bonus God gave me for my life. Stop struggling with your guilt. After all, Khan is already in our midst. Now our job is to take care of him. Keeping him does not mean we should always be together, but give what is best for him.”

Ata felt slapped with Runa's words. Yes, if Ata felt responsible, she shouldn't have forced her will to have them both. Ata can show that sense of responsibility with other actions that do not hurt Khan and also Runa. For a moment they were silent to each other. He was busy with his own thoughts. While Runa continued to hold Khan's hand while pleading for healing for his son.

Late at night, Runa fell asleep by putting her head on Khan's bed. Khan's tiny hands never escaped from Runa's grasp. Ata occasionally fixes Khan's blanket. Ata did not sleep at all, he repeatedly checked drip by drop in an infusion bottle hanging beside Khan's bed. Ata immediately reported to the nurse that the liquid was running out. This time Ata really became a standby father.

Sayup-sayup sounding azan, Runa realized and felt his back hurt. He raised his head. Suddenly his hand was piqued by the gentle movement of the tiny hand that was within his grasp.

“Khan,” says Runa softly. He wanted to see if Khan was conscious or just an illusion.

Ata who heard Runa mention Khan's name, rushed over to the boy. “Khan. Khan can hear dad's voice?”

Runa stood looking at her son's face. He kissed that little hand. “Darling, Khan can hear mommy? Awake, Honey. Khan don't make you sad. Not that Khan ever promised to always make mom happy.” Runa stroked Khan's hair with tears coming back to her feet.

“Bun-da.”

“Khan!”

“Khan!”

Runa and Ata simultaneously called out to the boy. Gratitude emanated from the two when they saw Khan open his eyes. Happy tears flowed back on Runa's cheeks, while Ata immediately pressed the emergency button, to call the nurse to report Khan's condition.

“Mother don't cry. Sorry Khan made Mommy cry,” said Khan who is still weak.

“Not Khan, mother's son is not wrong. Khan shouldn't apologize to you. Mother who apologizes for neglecting to look after Khan.”

“Which father, Bun?” khan asked who looked so confused by the number of strangers in the room. Runa was certainly the father figure that Khan asked. That's Sandy.

“Khan quiet, yes. I'm waiting outside with Grandma Mira. There can't be many people here. Later if Khan is cured, Khan can get out of here and meet father.” Runa tried to calm Khan down so as not to get agitated. Khan just nodded in response to Runa's sentence.

“Alhamdulillah, Khan's condition has stabilized, Ma'am,” said the doctor who examined Khan. “In the meantime Khan will move to another room, yes. Later there Khan could meet many people. I can meet Dad too. Also said the doctor to be quick to recover, yes,” added the doctor to stroke the top of Khan's head.

“Thank you, Doctor. Khan can be moved when, yes?” runa asked impatiently.

“A minute, Mom. Wait for the room to be finished. Oya, Khan must remain upbeat, yes,” said the Doctor before leaving the room.

***

By late afternoon the VVIP room was filled with Ata and Runa's family. Mira-sandy's mother was in their midst. Mira rushes to Khan's room, which she considers her own granddaughter, after having the opportunity to leave Sandy. As soon as I heard the news that Khan was conscious, Mira was so happy. Although he could not immediately meet Khan, because Mira also did not have the heart to leave Sandy alone with a coma.

Once Sekar came, Mira said she wanted to buy food. Mira was sure that if she told the truth, Sekar would be angry. For this time Mira still has to be patient to face her mother who still has not given her blessing for her grandson's relationship with Runa.

"Mother, where's Dad?" Khan asks back where Sandy is not in their midst.

"Khan misses Daddy, Bun. Which father, why Mother just shut up.” Runa was confused as to what to answer. All who were in the room were also filled to hear the whining of Khan who was looking for the whereabouts of Sandy since he realized this morning.

“Patience, yes dear. Suddenly I had some business. But before you go, Dad nitip pesen, loh, same grandma. Khan want to know what the pesen is?” This time Mira calmed Khan.

“What, Grandma?”

“Dad said Khan should recite what the Doctor said, massage the same Mother, eat a lot, enough rest. Let tomorrow if Dad comes, Dad can invite Khan to eat ice cream,” Mira explained to make Khan's heart a little calm.

Ata was just speechless seeing her baby miss someone else so much. Saddened? For sure. His presence was not considered by Khan. Ata was disappointed and angry at herself. This is how it feels to be ignored. His heart was as thin as thousands of daggers. Browbeat.

***

Time is running fast, Khan has been declared healthy by a team of doctors. However, he still has to take medication regularly, get plenty of rest and control regularly. The doctors have allowed Khan to return home. With various considerations, Runa finally went home to her parents who were not far from the hospital.

Khan again asked Sandy for whereabouts because Sandy had never met him, or even just called him. Khan begins to sense that there is something Runa is hiding about Sandy.

"Mother, which father, anyway? Khan didn't see it from yesterday. Do you not love Khan anymore?” ask when they sit on the porch next to the green house.

"It's not so, honey. Sandy's Dad ...." Runa was silent for a moment, he thought to find a sentence that Khan could easily understand about Sandy's condition.

"Is it because Khan's naughty, Sandy's father doesn't want to see Khan?" lirih Khan with eyes that began to dew. The boy really misses Sandy.

"No, honey, no. Sandy's father loved Khan. Father has not been able to meet Khan because at this time Dad is sick,” explained Runa while curling the tiny body of Khan into the arms.

"What's Sandy's father sick, Mother?" khan asked Runa.

Runa broke her embrace. He slowly told Khan that Sandy was still lying weak in the hospital. Khan understood, Runa explained everything in a language that Khan could understand.

“Khan wants to see Father, Mother,” whinek Khan with tears after hearing Runa's explanation.

"Later, yeah, honey. Now we pray for Sandy's father. May you recover quickly and get back together with us. With Khan, Mother, and Grandma Mira." Khan nodded his head weakly. In his heart pray for the healing of his adoptive father.

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...To be continued...

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