Marrying a Friend

Helpless

My body was stunned, like a nerve that did not work, when approaching the tearful girl who was sitting in a frenzy on the living room sofa that desperately met me in this place. In fact, Firhan told me that Gina came here, made her talk less and asked me to see her first.

He's right there. Looking at me with fear, anxiety but a glimmer of hope in her swollen eyes. I don't know what I want, but for sure, my belief in her brother with this connection to the meeting makes me even more upset, worried in every way, especially my husband, Firhan.

Yes, the arrival of Gina suddenly made us ask questions, especially me who was starting to not calm down. Although, my husband tried to convince and calm me to meet the girl, but still this feeling raged and turned uncomfortable.

As soon as I got in front of her and sat across the sofa that she was sitting on earlier, Gina hugged me so tightly, in sobs that she began to flood my shoulders. In fact, her emotions were out of control and the sound of crying really made me sad.

“Tenace. What was? Stories me? Daniel's fine, right?”

She was still crying in this embrace.

“I beg you, Brother?” he squeezed in between his sobs.

My hug accidentally slipped off, then looked at her with a questionable glare. I don't know what this girl is thinking, but really, my anxiety for my husband is growing.

“I came here, I want to ask you for help. My brother Daniel's still in a coma at the hospital. But I beg you, Brother, please, come to the Hospital to see him, at least for a moment it's okay, for my mother's sake,” please look at me who made both hands that had grasped his right palm earlier, now detached and looked at him without even glancing.

“For mom?”

Gina nodded steadily. “Mother loves you so much, even so much to see you guys together. If he knew, you were married to .. maybe he would have the same fate as Daniel's brother. Don't you know, right? If the mother has a lot of thoughts, she can drop and coma. Please, Sister Nesya? At least help my brother. Maybe that way, he can get through his coma.” Pinta the girl begged me while tightly grasping this hand with both hands. His eyes are getting wet and wet.

Really, I can't bear to see someone pleading in this kind of grief to me. I felt that pain in my mind. However, on the other hand, it was also a difficult choice for me, very difficult! In any case, there is a heart that I must cherish in this. But it felt like I was really squeezed by the barbed walls that started to squeeze me.

I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. Trying to think clearly and calm the mind. Really, it's so hard. How can I sacrifice the feelings of my angel husband, while he is so patient and loving to love me. But on the other hand, it also hurts if it hurts a mother, especially the mother who has considered me as her child all along.

“Gina .. I—“

“She's definitely coming later in the afternoon,” between the white-tailed guy who just walked in the living room while looking at the two of us, while approaching.

My gaze was sharp towards him at once shocked. Sugguh, I don't understand the man's way of thinking.

What the fuck? How could he have made up his mind without telling me first? Or at least talk to me!

My correction sentence was stuck at the end of my throat, when I saw the happy expression on my face full of tears Gina. Clearly, the look of a happy face was radiant as well as relieved it was emanating on his small face.

“Really, Brother?” gina asked in disbelief, who responded with a small sigh Firhan with a smile, then sat down next to me and grabbed my shoulder.

“Iya! Brother must have taken Nesya there. And will stay also of course,” he said while holding the arm next to me in his embrace at the end of the sentence.

The sentence made my head turn rapidly towards her who was sitting next to and only in reply to the wide smile from Firhan towards me, after throwing a smile at Gina, despite only glancing at me at a glance.

“Mother and Brother Daniel must be happy. Thank you, Brother. I promise, as soon as Daniel woke up from his coma, I tried to find an excuse for him to let go of Nesya's brother,” obviously Gina promised with enthusiasm, which made the man glance at me for a moment at the end of the sentence.

Until Daniel wakes up?

I looked deeply into the man's eyes, but he just smiled at the knot trying to calm down which I only returned by rolling my eyes and turning my face away.

Ugh, that's right! That long? Oh, myGod!

“So, Brother Nesya—“

“Gin, I go to the toilet first, huh? Thank you for your visit.”

He nodded steadily as I interrupted and told him.

“Thank you for helping me too, brother. You guys are so good!” it made me smile, then it passed.

Just hearing faintly, they chatted pleasantries that Gina occasionally laughed. Yes, the girl is now back excited and cheerful. His face was no longer covered with tears.

I now hastened my steps towards the room, trying hard to hold back the tears that started floating in my wide-eyed crackers.

* * *

“Nesya?” call Firhan who has entered into our room and approach at the corner of the bed. Maybe Gina's home.

“Stop talking to me!”

“You angry?”

Oh my, he still asks? Really am!

“Honey, are you angry?” he asked once again when I was only silenced in a defensive facial expression, but his tone was softer.

“I can't do anything, so it's up to you!”

He sighed heavily while squeezing his hair, then knelt before me. His warm hands now clasped both hands and stared for a moment with sadness that momentarily did not look at him and made me bow my head.

“Honey, hey?” he started again when trying to lift my chin, to look and look at him closely, but I immediately turned this face.

He sighed again, then released his hand and moved from my face, grasping it gently.

“I'm sorry, please?” lirih Firhan whispered in an earnest tone of voice that made me close my eyes.

Really, I can't bear to hear you blaspheme like that, let alone say that pleading word, Firhan.

“You happy now? Is that what you want? What is Firhan? How can you easily make such a decision, especially without my knowledge and my prior consent?”

“Honey, listen to me first! I really don't care if you can help—“

“You are not the problem, but I am the problem,” cut me quickly with a growl.

“Do you think I'm okay to say that decision? No, Nesya! It was just as painful when I had to walk on a sharp knife for your sake, it was the same as me killing myself but I had to do it and it was a deal! You know, it feels broken to hear and see the past of the person we love present in the midst of happiness, even more so the reality only happens to misunderstandings? It was devastated, when his sister came to ask for help with her cries, it really made me very devastated and not strong to hold it," he said. He took a deep breath and sighed heavily, then lowered his head. “I know, this is unfair to me and difficult, but please, Nesya, at least you see the plea of a sister who just wants to keep her mother feeling and also for the sake of her brother's recovery, Please you know, please, Honey, sometimes the unwanted things will say hello in our lives. Why did God allow and desire this? In order to be much stronger and understand the true meaning of life, pain must exist, but wouldn't it be better if we did good? Beauty is not in what we desire, but in what we seek to love what God gives, for time will make us feel its joy,” continued Firhan who is still trying to make me understand this situation.

"And hurt yourself? It's the same way I destroyed you, Firhan," my frail in tears that had burst, then lowered my head.

My husband let out a heavy sigh, then wiped my tears, then clasped this face in his helpless sparkling eyes that were so sad.

"Sometimes, a smile is able to hide a wound in sadness, only when it sees a small smile in its life. So, smile, please?" His murmur was clear at the end of the sentence that was still staring at my face.

Firhan then knelt down right in front of me who was sitting on the edge of this bed, then his face was deliberately buried in the palm of my hand which was now held so tightly.

"I beg you, Nesya, please? Please, did you do it for me? You know, as broken as my world is, it's even more broken when it comes to seeing you sad and hurt. I forgiving? But please, just don't look at me this time, 'cause it makes me feel guilty, really,"

I looked at him for a moment, when I found the glare there looking so empty while looking at me pleading.

"What I'm really sad about is being a spear ready to strike me and I have to do it. Really, if only there was another way to erase that guilt, I—"

And it's true! There will be a point where what is even called "crazy" happens and has to be done. And when it has happened, its ridiculousness in the chirping is only strengthened by love alone.

* * *

He actually drove me to the hospital to keep a promise to Gina, Daniel's sister. Although, I insist on refusing. He was really so tough and strong, even cheering me up with his silly jokes.

And you know, my husband, even to this day, I secretly adore you to my Lord, begging and thanking him for being given the most beautiful gift of my life.

"Thank you, Brother, Sister Nesya has come." Gina hugged me so tightly with her cheerful look on her face, when she saw the two of us.

"Yes! Thank you, dear, and also, your friend Nesya." Gina's mother said as she glanced at Firhan at the end of the sentence and made it look as if my chest was on the spear which was the same as my eyes met the eyes I called the husband.

Firhan only smiled with an encouraging glance, as well as revealing a strong smile.

Oh, God, please strengthen him! I don't know when this drama will end.

"Together, Mom. Umm, Nes, I'm going home, okay? Fine here," Flirt at the end of the sentence while glancing at me in a simple smile as he rubbed my head gently and made me look at him sparkly.

Ughhhh! My throat really hurts!

"Well, it's better that way! Fearing, later if Daniel sees you with his girlfriend, he may think strange. And one more thing, don't be so like that to my son's girlfriend, I don't like that. So, I hope you can keep your attitude, young man. Even if I know Nesya is your friend, but don't, okay?" His head pressed the middle-aged woman at the end of the sentence firmly while commemorating.

Really, God, this is really unhealthy! I'm starting to not stand it!

"Yes, Mom, understand. I'm sorry." This gentleman next to me while nodding obediently looked at that woman who was looking at him cynically in her smile, while Gina was just looking at us with a bad heart.

"Good." Defensively then glanced at the watch in hand as if insinuating my husband.

After Firhan Pamit once again, Daniel's mother then led me into the room. However, not-before five minutes, I'm getting riled up and flabbergasted for a while.

He's right there! Standing in the parking lot near his car. Yes, I deliberately looked for it while dampening this anger.

"Nesya? What was? You're okay, right?" He asked in astonished eyes as he stared at the look on my face that could not bear to shed tears.

"Hey, relax. It's okay."

"I'm sorry?" I looked at him in sadness.

"Sorry for?"

"That, earlier.... "

Her true smile was flashed in a small nod and instantly grasped both of my arms. She seemed to be trying hard to look okay in front of me.

"Let's say whatever, you're still my wife, right?" Her softness calmed me down to make this nod of agreement appear, then the smile broke and rubbed my tears which instantly made me scatter into her and clasped me tightly for a moment, then let go.

"It's okay, everything will be fine. Now, comein! Daniel's mother will suspect."

Again, I looked at him.

Is that his love? Until that easily his heart tried to be sincere and understand.

A long sigh rang out from Firhan, again he tried to smile and look fine in front of me as this hug came off.

I know, honey, it's not easy for you. I'm sorry that I just can't be the best for you yet.

My gaze is still fixed on him. I can feel, these tears are floating in my eyes again.

Firhan let out a heavy sigh. "Hey, really, honey, I'm fine." Try again to convince me.

"Fir, you can cancel it if you want,"

He sighed as those beautiful eyes looked at me for a moment. Then in the next second, his trademark smile rose.

"Making someone happy, doesn't hurt, does it? After all, you are still mine, and my happiness is still there when I can still see you, even when we are together at home." It was obviously what made me instantly scatter around holding her in tears. At first glance I can still see the smile, even though it contains kink.

"Is that so? Either what your heart is made of to do asulus–"

"Sst! Don't overdo it and think too much, honey. I can be strong like this because of you, that smile on your face," she said, still hugging while occasionally wiping my hair.

I submerged my body in her arms so much that I didn't realize where we were.

Eyes that began to sparkle from earlier as if I did not want to escape from my view as we stared at each other for a moment after the embrace was released.

"What's up, honey? Really–"

"You have no interest in kissing my forehead? Usually that beauty also happens when you want to go somewhere and say goodbye," I lightly teased that made the ruckus coming from her sound, then seconds later pulled my head gently, she said, peeling this forehead for so long.

"I just found out, if someone who is pregnant can also crave a kiss, to the point of grumbling like that."

She grimaced in a smile as I spontaneously pinched her stomach in a fit of anxiety. This husband of mine did manage to make me chuckle in tears, then pull me again in his loving arms while smiling and rubbing my head.

"Good health baby, yeah. If anything happens, tell me, okay?" Her ink looked at me after the crib had come off and only I answered the obedient nod in a smile, which once again rubbed this head gently lovingly while smilingly looking at and made me nod obediently in my teary-eyed smile.

"You also take care of your health and please, regularly eat it, do not be late. Be careful when you get home." Firhan smiled in a nod.

"You know, I'd rather see that beautiful smile, can it be seen for me before I go home? Come in, then I'm gone. Careful the way, honey."

Call me so hesitant when I hear his words that along with a smile that tries as hard as this may seem before my husband. One warm kiss landed on my forehead while gently grasping my face managed to make these tears drip again, but quickly rubbed it, before he saw. She smiled as my puffy eyes looked at her sadly and kissed the loving hand for a goodbye before leaving her alone in this place.

It's uncomfortable not to be with him at the moment, especially not having to look at him for a few hours and get away from him. Really, I haven't missed him yet.

With a shunt I threw my foot inside the hospital, after hugging it briefly and waving. Although, occasionally looking back that only I found her sweet smile perched on her handsome face was watching me.

And in this passage, I want to ask the beauty of love that I have to give up. On what grounds should I hurt him? In spite of sincerity and happiness in such a great sacrifice that has been given to me all this time.

I asked my heart before. In what part is the beauty of love? And when it finds itself, what I understand is, the beauty in love is when there is no selfishness and only done on the basis of sincerity. No matter how bitterly greeting, the most important thing is how you try your best to do it and be as happy as possible, even in a simple way. Because without you knowing it, there's someone else somewhere out there, out there happy to see you happy. And one day, time shows that there will be no beauty that betrays struggle and sacrifice.

I love you, Firhan,

I love you so much, my husband.

Ii'm sorry.

* * * *