Love And Wounds

Prologues

"Just be a guest, who comes to entertain and receive a message, then goes farewell"

have you ever heard that phrase? or ever think in your mind that someone only comes to you when they need. when they want something on you, after they get it. They go away from you.

that's cruel, isn't it? trying to be a friendly master, letting her say goodbye is so much better than a guest who doesn't want to say goodbye.

Is this right?

or is this wrong?

God created come and go, because it is nature, right?

if things that come and go are things that we love, how do we treat them?

have you ever experienced the same thing? or the umpteenth time you feel it?

haha maybe this is the umpteenth time I became a good host, after going the kicks started to poison, the loss was so heavy and there was only me and the empty locked room accompanying me, not much different than it used to be with the same destruction.

trying to rise from the darkness, trying to wake up from a terrible nightmare.

trying to live a better life, trying to open up and take guests back even if it feels difficult, letting it continue to happen until it feels sick and horrible..

\#******

ever hated?? until your hatred is ingrained in your body? get in your head and say this?

"I'm not as good as you think I am. I'm a bad person you can't see. And don't you ever try to see her. When I hate when I hold a grudge, don't expect a single glance from me to be gained. I won't even get one word out. Unless my wrath has arisen and I violently rebel you will hear my evil words thrown out.*do not come when I am dying though *don't you come to see me stiffened up into a corpse

*don't you try to plow my grave when I die

when you hear that, maybe this heart is hard as a stone for you. And no more forgiving words, Don't let it......"

aahhh,... It's really terrible isn't it? hatred that is ingrained, heart broken to pieces because of a mistake that you should not experience...

forgiving? maybe I have forgiven him. long before the mistake was started. tpi is this called forgiveness? if I want to see her destroyed like I did? want to see her suffer up to her descendants?

aaahh, it can be forgiving but hate that becomes revenge..

\#******

you said you wanted to calm down, which I see now you are much calmer.

but you are always restless and keep asking for calm.

I'm getting bored

I'm getting sick of it

What is it you say calm? Please explain it to me!

I don't understand what memories you want and what you mean.

I give you peace, I give you the most comfortable thing and you keep rejecting it.

Calm down? The serenity in solitude you desire, the serenity with solitude piercing to the deepest recesses of the heart, is that what you mean? is that what you want? isn't it?

the calmness that keeps you thinking keeps making you look like a fool.

please stop...

a lot of time has been wasted just for a calm you want...

\#******