Longing Curtain

Episode 41

A sweet sentence a few days ago made me even more confident to establish a heart to dock. He's the one who understands my situation the most, understands when I need a backrest and when I get hurt. The shocking encounter with the man in the past had been imagined in my imagination. Today is the fourth day I am in Jogja and maybe two more days I will return to Bandung. But something new took my view. Hamzah often comes out for the same reason, wanting to get some fresh air. I wanted to know what he was doing, because every time I asked was always ignored.

The echoes of the leg pounding disturbed my calm watching television. The front door closed very hard, I moved. Hamzah dressed neatly and hastily drove his car. It made me curious, I grabbed the bag on the sofa and followed him using an online motorcycle taxi. Curious feelings increasingly appear to see Hamzah who changed lately.

Finally the car pulled over next to the road, I told him to stop the motorcycle that I ordered. Hamzah immediately entered this minimalist building. I followed him, he entered the room looking back and forth like he was looking for someone. He stepped onto one of the tables approaching a woman in a purple veil who was sitting alone. Because I was curious I picked a table close to the area to reach out and hear what they were saying. Ordering a drink while holding a newspaper.

"Old old?" The woman before him shook her head, Hamzah smiled sweetly. It made me think a thousand times to see the girl's face. "How are you?" The woman made a voice occasionally lowering her face.

"Allah is good, all is good without you." I frowned digesting the stiff sentence from Hamzah, while the woman kept her head down.

"I broke up with Reza." Hamzah looked up at the woman solemnly without saying a word.

"Do you still love me?" I can't believe that she was Hamzah's most important person. "I need an answer, Zah!" The woman snaps a little.

"I still love you, Nadira." I was stunned to hear Hamzah's speech

It really feels so painful. The man who always strengthens to always survive is now betrayed. Saying a thousand promises, giving me hope that makes me more sure to step up. But what, her body is with me however, her heart is with others. I was too stupid to believe and forgive. Too much trust until he broke the heart that I had been building. So all this time the reason he's been going is to meet the same woman that was clearly visible in the photo a few days ago.

I left the cafe, returned to the inn to calm down. Clear liquid soaked the cheeks, somehow my tears could not be conditioned.

Nature was not friendly with me, as if she was feeling my sadness. Dots of water begin to wet the body. Heavy rain flushed the streets of Jogja city without stopping I broke through the rain, even though the clothes were soaked that I had in mind only one, came home.

"What are you crying about?"

Regardless of what Fahmi said, I slipped into the room not forgetting to lock it. Laying the body on the mattress buried the face between the pillows. Wipe out a little pent-up emotion. I cannot dissolve in sadness.

Wudu water soaked my body, taking the mucus in the desk drawer. Carry out the obligations of sola asar that I have not fulfilled. "O Allah help me forget Hamza and keep me away from him."

I put my palms to my face. Staring at the mirror my eyes slightly swelled up might be the effect of my crying.

These eyes are very swollen due to too many tears. I heard the house was starting to quiet, the voices that had made me very uncomfortable with the questions now began to calm down.

One gulp managed to escape down the throat accompanied by a piece of barley bread. The quiet atmosphere of the house allowed me to stay longer in the kitchen. "I brought martabak."

I glanced at it, the sweet martabak lying on the table but unfortunately I had no desire to eat it, nor to see this man standing before me.

I'm glad I left Hamzah in the kitchen. It seems arrogant but it is one of the efforts to get away from him.

"Dek, eat first, " said Fahmi who was at the dining table. Preparing various dishes. I thought for a moment maybe I should eat, besides crying also needs energy.

Pull one of the chairs and sit on it. Feed a spoonful of rice to the mouth with a little side dish. Slowly everyone swarmed the dining table, scrambling for food with each other. I just focus on my plate, not paying attention to what they say.

"Dec, are you sick? " I flinch without asking that cheap question. "From that time just be quiet, but if the holidays must be the most enthusiastic now." I rolled the lazy eyeballs, they were busy raving. But here I am hurt.

"Yes, I saw Zahra crying, another problem?"

"So I didn't want martabak."

"Why, Deck?"

I kicked down their babbling table making me careless. They just asked me without knowing what my condition was. The sound of the table breaking stopped their speech, although this impressed sangar but I was tired of what they were doing.

I leave those who stare at the dinner table. Maybe surprised at what I do I don't care. Open the door without locking it. Putting myself in bed holding my favorite doll to relieve my fatigue. Picking up the device opens the music app selecting one of the songs that I think matches.

'I love you more than you know

Even though you'll never know'

The music by God 19 was right for me, I sang it even though my hoarse voice continued my singing.

'Just so I realized, my love was clapping one hand

You're breaking my whole heart...

Whole heart.'

Hiks, I rubbed my frenzied face immersing my face between the curves of my drawn doll body. Line by song I live how painful love is to clap one hand. He said he'd be my front line, keeping when I was fragile where that promise was! He said he felt the same feeling, what feeling is that? What a friend hurt his best friend is still arguably a friend.

My cry became my voice began to rise. It doesn't matter if they find out I'm crying. Does this feel like losing? More precisely, losing love. I just felt comfortable in the circumstances, but again the circumstances forced me to leave. Am I destined to be hurt? Not to be loved.

The grip on my shoulder forced me to turn to the wound. My crying has not subsided even though I am now in a soothing embrace. Right now I just need attention, not bullshit. Her outstretched cry touched my face, forcing me to look into her eyes.

"Why are you crying? Same story brother."

I tightened my arms not wanting to return Fahmi's words. I cried as she gently rubbed my shoulders, as if giving strength to strengthen me.

"I don't know you have any more problems.But don't believe this, the same story other than that you don't mind yourself." I looked up at those shade-filled eyes, I shook my head.

"Yaudah, if you have anything do not hesitate to ask for help brother," he said rubbing my hair

He took off a hug, but I instead tightened my hand that was hooked at the waist. He rubbed my hands together, wiped my tears and smiled.

My hands were tight as he walked away, I shook my head and he turned around as if asking me why.

"Enough they go, brother don't."

I stood hugging her crying back in her arms. It looks very whiny, but this time it really hurts.

"Jaudah sister temenin but don't be sad. Kasian's the mask's faded." I slapped his shoulder with a small ruckus.

Loving and forgetting are two feelings that continually strengthen us to do what is right. I'm just about to start a new trust. However, fate willed others not to believe a promise.