K&K (Taste Features)
6. Let You Go's?
Three days passed the event tahlil sounding incense from the residence of Mr. Bagas' house. Ms. Sita just locked herself in Kirana's room while hugging her son's picture frame. Her tears were not yet dry to mourn the fate of the eldest princess.
He even took out the contents of his daughter's closet, all the clothes hugged and kissed. The distinctive aroma of Kirana's favorite Fresh Peonies from the perfume Eau de Toilette which Mr. Bagas presented to Kirana when accepted at Blume Musical School, is still imprinted.
“Why should you, son. Why should my daughter be nineteen years old? Your future is still very long. You still have 50 years to live. Is it true that you just left? Why didn't Mom get any hunch. And why do you never show up in your dreams to tell me that you are okay. Answer Kirana. Mama please answer. Be present even in your dreams, son. Tell me what really happened to you?” Ms. Sita stroked Kirana's photo.
Kirana's slightly round face and her dense reddish cheeks with one dimple on the right.
His skin was yellow, his lips were reddish with a sharp curve on the top, his eyes were wide, his nose was exactly the same as the nose of the papa. The color of her eyes was light brown belonging to her mother.
His hair was straight black. The girl who is growing up has not even had time to do many things with her family. Bu Sita regretted the limited time they had due to their respective activities. She recalled when Kirana was four years old,
“Ma, my name is Ki-ra-na Ba-dar. How's it?” little Kirana asked in Sita's arms while reading a fairy tale before going to bed. Next to them, Citra who is still two years old is sleeping fast first.
“Because your name means dear.”
“What is it?”
“Kirana is a bright light, Badr is a full moon. So, Kirana Badr is a full moon that shines brightly,” obviously mama. Kirana is small, though she does not fully understand.
“That is, Kirana this is a moon that shines in the heart of mama, papa and adek,” continued mama. Little Kirana smiled proudly.
“Kirana who shines mama, papa and adek to keep smiling and messing around with ya, Ma?” ask Kirana.
Ms. Sita smiled.
Kirana hugged her mother until she fell asleep. Bu Sita stroked the hair of her two daughters. After five years, she and her husband can become parents in Kirana's presence.
Beautiful and smart daughter. Shortly after that, two years later Citra was born. The happier they are to have two angels in their lives.
Ms. Sita smiled bitterly as she recalled her children's childhood, Kirana since childhood was very smart and independent. Despite having a sister with a not-too-distant age, he was never jealous and whining like other children who felt less cared for by his parents. When he was three years old, his father gave him a gift of a music box.
For days he listened to fur elise from the music box, as everyone gathered in the living room during the event, Kirana massaged the black piano keys in the living room.
It was as if he was looking for a tone.
Kirana sat down and jemarinya with a free dance on the piano playing the song. The first song Kirana played self-taught in an instant.
The whole family was overjoyed to be moved, having been born a young genius musician.
***
Geck.
There was the sound of a door knocked by someone to disperse the daydream of Sita. The person outside the door immediately opened the door without waiting for it to linger. Mr. Bagas approached his wife by continuing to turn the wheelchair.
“Can you ask for help, Ma?” pinta pak Bagas holds the shoulder of the wife who looks lethargic. Bu Sita turned her head and wiped away the tears.
“Papa wants to breathe air outside. Can mama accompany papa for a walk?” ask Mr. Bagas.
The wife does not understand, at times like this her husband asks for very trivial things. But Sita did not comment much, she complied with the husband's request.
Bu Sita brought Mr. Bagas to a residential park.
They were hiding under a big tree. Feel the afternoon breeze so soft. Ms. Sita sat on the park bench facing her husband. He looked around, he had not been here for a long time.
A residential park that serves as a family park. In the past, often when his children were young, invited them to play here. Cuddle with neighbors who while holding and feeding their children.
Now, the park looks deserted.
For some reason, it was very supportive of the mood. They've been quiet for a long time.
They struggled with their own minds, until all that was heard was the sound of whispering leaves and the clattering of broken branches that moved by the wind.
“It's been a long time yes we are not here, since the children grow up.” Mr. Bagas broke the silence.
Ms. Sita smiled bitterly. A newspaper boy pedaling an old bicycle. He greeted as he waved at Bagas sir and Sita bu as he passed them.
Mr. Bagas recalled that the young man was once also Kirana's playmate. Well, despite being a poor boy from the village next door, Kirana never distinguished her friend's status.
“We never realize, that the older we get, the older we get, as if time seems to get shorter, and the togetherness between us decreases.”
Bu Sita glared far and faintly listened to the husband's chatter.
“Surprisingly, it's part of the destiny of human life. Why can't we keep the time together while we have the chance, so we don't regret the circumstances that have already happened. Hh..” sir Bagas let out a long sigh, regulating his breathing.
“At this time our daughter, the teenager, Citra, is an opportunity given by God so that we will use the best time possible to be with her. Mama..” pak Bagas grasping his wife's hand.
“Papa will never ask for anything more as your family head and life companion, except for two things. First please, forgive me for not being able to be a good husband with my condition like this and not being able to be a good father leaving his eldest daughter in danger. Papa apologize for being useless to you.” Mr. Bagas' tears are slowly shed.
The wife was surprised by what her husband said. His throat was stuck with something unpleasant. It bites the lower lip. Afraid to hear the words that will grieve his heart.
“The second one.., papa please very much. Mama wants to let Kirana go. Give up our eldest daughter. Papa please very much. This is all you can ask from mama.” Mr. Bagas bowed powerless to hold sobs.
Tears bu Sita is not tears of sadness due to the departure of her child. But hearing the request of a husband that he is unable to fulfill. He felt guilty and guilty about being a wife. She did not expect her husband to bear such a heavy burden that was not shared with her. Ms. Sita just fell silent not answering. He's ashended.
“Citra.still need mom. The image needs the love and attention of the mother. Mama must use the opportunity to be with him so that he is not lonely. He is our son anyway. After all mama can't drag on like this and ignore our other daughters. Papa please, grant this simple request papa, Ma.” Mr. Bagas wailed to his wife.
Why does everyone easily let go of you Kirana? why does no one understand her heart as a mother? why did her husband so easily ask for such a difficult and arduous plea for her? it was even heavier than splitting the ocean and blowing up mountains.
A request that is too painful. No, it's a simple request. Very homely. Just give up his heart to let go of the child? let go and forget. Everyone can do that. It was so easy.
But why is he so heavy doing that?
In the heart of a mother, the water of her children's lives is filled, and when the recesses are empty she becomes empty. It's a dry log that yearns for water to fill. The recesses of his heart had been empty, how could it be as easy as it was to fill up with anything other than thinking about his flesh blood? Some of Kirana's blood, flesh, bones, and DNA makeup and inner bonds are attached to her!
It means she's a useless wife.
She is the one who should apologize to her husband. Because she had to betray her husband, betraying her family that she had not given up on Kirana, not one bit believed in the sudden death of her son, not one bit he stopped hoping that his daughter was still alive and a miracle would come later.
“Ma..,” pak Bagas asked for his wife's answer.
Bu Sita nodded slowly giving an answer. His face was filled with immense sadness. His cheeks were still wet with tears.
***
Haikal came home with a strong smell. The smell of liquor and sea water from his body spread throughout the room.
“Haikal..,” call bu Anna.
He was very concerned about the condition of his son. Haikal's hair is disheveled. Her clothes are so shabby. In just three days he was almost exactly like a madman.
“Mama is so sad! You have never had a single drop of alcohol even when we were living in France, how come you could be like this?” reprimand Bu Anna.
Haikal paid no heed to Anna's mother trying to clean the sand on her body. He went straight to the bathroom. For hours Haikal poured cold water from the shower, until the skin of his hands was pale. The openness can not be lost just like that by the sea waves. He still could not accept that nightmare. He wanted to wake up immediately in this exhausting sleep.
***
“Besok Haikal is going to Australia,” he said at dinner.
The clanking of spoons sounded rhythmic.
“For what?” ask Anna's mom.
“Haikal wants to be there for some time. Mama don't have to worry.”
“Then how do you work?”
“Resign of course. I'll find a new job.”
“Why is this sudden?” mom Anna is getting anxious.
“Not sudden. It's been planned for a long time. Our ma.du month tomorrow to Australia. Mama don't worry. I just wanted to visit the place we were supposed to be. After that, it will probably stay a bit long.”
“What need mommy to come with?” Haikal smiled at his mother.
“Who will take care of the restaurant if mama comes along? I'm not a kid anymore, Ma. Please believe. I'm doing fine. If I stay here longer, it'll drive me crazy.”
Anna seemed to doubt. He was still worried about his son. “Then your plane leaves at what time?” tanyakanya. Haikal.
“Not plane. From now on I will not entrust my life on that cursed vehicle.” Haikal replied with a hateful tone.
“Then, what do you want to ride?”
“Sail.” Haikal smile.
“You mean by cruise ship?”
“Iya. Mama forgot that we have a lot of navigator acquaintances? It'll take longer. But it feels like I want to enjoy the sea air.”
Well. Sea winds, waves, fish and even storms are the incarnation of Kezia now. I won't miss our moment of intimacy along the pacific ocean. Go get me, Kezy.
Either with a gentle whir of the wind, the roar of the waves even small fish are jumping up and down. Treat me that you are happy and calm there. I just want to feel your presence.
