I've Finally Lose

On the top of the prayer mat

Complaining and hoping in humans there will only be laughter and disappointment. I strengthened myself, approaching the Khaliq because there was no place for me to complain but to Him.  The person I was talking to was pitting me against Rehan's parents. Though before he was so considerate, kind and caring but the opposite ends. I am often disappointed by those closest to me.  Not just once but many times.

A heart that fully believes is now turned into indifference. I ignore every word of people. I said I'm not grateful, whatever it is. Fortunately you were put under Rehan if it wasn't Rehan you wouldn't be like this. Or you will not do it.

The rant from the neighbor's mouth was so spicy and incendiary to the recesses of the heart. Every time I left the house, the neighbors had gathered at the house of one of the neighbors to gossip, sometimes they gathered at the passing vegetable. Buying at once gossip. It has become a habit of mothers in this village.  This time the main topic was me. They stopped immediately when I came to buy vegetables. Their smile is so fake it looks good up front only but behind the wawww is amazing.

"Mops... Where are you going ??" Said Eli's mother to the Princess' neighbor.

" I'm going to the front shop, ma'am..." Said the Princess who just kept walking to the front stall.

They were whispering, whatever they were talking about, their eyes were on me not blinking. I just passed by. Without regard to them.

Arriving at the stall buys kitchen necessities and snacks for Alif and Shireen. After that I went back home.

I accidentally heard them talking because their voices were heard from a distance. They were so good at judging me, from head to toe. Like they are holy. I just stroked my chest and tried to hold back my tears from spilling. I want to feel like I hit them but if I hit them it means I lose. I better shut up.

I went into the house and closed the door. Fellow I don't want them to know my current activities. I was very angry and upset with my neighbor. Rehan who saw me in an emotional state tried to figure out the cause.

"You why Put..??? sullen face home from the stall!!! Rehan is watching tv.

"That's mas.... Neighbor on my gosipin. I heard them say, "bebel Putri.

"You don't have to beat them up, just let them get bored later." Said Rehan who did not think too much about the neighbor's words.

"Iaaa sighh.... " Excited the Princess and passed away storing her groceries in the kitchen.

The Princess continued her homework, mopping, washing clothes every once in a while the Princess left her job only to breastfeed Shireen.

In the afternoon, Princess and Rehan go to Rehan's parents' house. It just so happens that Alif and Shireen continue to look for her grandmother. So we took them to meet his grandmother.

Arriving at Rehan's parents' house, Alif and Shireen immediately embraced their grandmother affectionately.

It just so happened that by this time Rehan's parents had sold his crops. Rehan's mother then shared with Rehan and Revan. Each is represented by their wives. Rehan's mother shared the proceeds of the sale with her son. After receiving the money we actually received I was a little disappointed. You see all this time the hard work of drying the harvest is me. While Revan's wife didn't help me at all but she got what I got.

I called Rehan to come home, and it just so happened to be magrib soon.

"Mother is not fair to me." Princess with angry tone.

"Why are you saying that". Rehan asked curiously.

"How can I not talk like that, all this time the hard work of drying the harvest I mas.... Why did Mom just give us that... The same thing he gave to Ranti... Though he didn't help me dry up the harvest at all. Why is mom like that. I'm tired of him being good. " The Princess's heart whose anger peaked until her tears fell.

Rehan had not yet answered, The princess continued her words.

"Ranti's son was not working but got a salary.  I'm telling you now mas, I'm very disappointed mas, same mother. She would have shown me that she was so affectionate towards Ranti."

"Later next year I won't dry up that crop, here.... I'm not at all appreciated... People who don't work just get money. I want that too. " Samvil's daughter cried.

The heart of the Princess is very sick, again she must feel the name of injustice in the family.

Rehan immediately hugged the Princess, calming the Princess with mounting anger. Rehan's embrace made the Princess unable to speak anymore, the Princess continued to cry, her tears could not be weathered anymore, her heart was so hurt.

"Darling ... You are patient. I know my mom's not being fair but I can't do anything about it, it's all her decision. We must be grateful to be given that money even though it is not in accordance with our hard work but we must be patient." said Rehan who still hugged the Princess and tried to wipe away the Princess' tears.

"My heart is sick.... I'm tired, while Ranti doesn't help me at all. He was busy with his phone. When the rain did not even help me, he just looked out the window above the house. He had no intention of helping me at all to the point that someone else helped me gather the harvest I was drying. I wanted to throw a stone that day. But I can't stand that I'm not good with your parents. " The princess who was still crying..

"I understand, baby... Your heart is hurting, I know it's not the first time you've done something like that, but we can't do anything about it. " Say Rehan again while wiping the Princess' tears occasionally he kissed the Princess' forehead to calm the Princess down.

Rehan continues to persuade the Princess to stop crying but the Princess still cries. That's all the princess can do to cry and cry.

"Look, baby let's pray, so that your heart and mind are calm" asked Rehan.

The princess nodded and hurried to fetch some ablution water. Followed by Rehan from behind. After abudhu Rehan widened the prayer rug and adhan first. Both of their children also prayed.

On top of the prayer mat the Princess took out everything that was in her heart. Tears fell continuously soaking up the prayer mat. There is nothing better to complain about all the anger that is in the heart than with God on this table. A heart so tight because of the injustice I got. I kept crying, complaining to the Kholiq. Begging to be expanded in patience, expanded in sincerity, expanded in gratitude and made trust as my strength. He's the only place I complain about this time. God is always faithful and always fair. He always hears my prayers. It's just that I often forget about him. I tried to calm my heart and mind by bringing out everything that was bothering the two.  Rehan hugged me again every once in a while he kissed me as a sign of affection. And wipe my tears.

"Prophey dear."

I just nodded and stayed in my husband's arms.