I[Not] An Actor

[No] Good Only

POV Author

"where are you going?"mamah risma's voice stopped bima's steps when she was about to get out of the main house and return to her apartment

"return to mah's apartment, why is it?"ask bima when he saw the mamah standing right behind him

"it's been two days since you left your wife bim, can't you take your time for ayana?"

"but alena asked me to come home mah and I couldn't leave her alone"

"remember bima ayana is also your wife she must also need you right now"

"but___"

"let the mas bima go home mah" the bima's words were cut off as ayana interrupted the debate between the child and the mother

"but na"

"yana is fine, let mas bima accompany mbak alena mbak alena must be shocked to know her husband has married again"

"all right, it's up to you"

finally the mama risma left bima and ayana who were still standing in front of the door

"go to the bim before mamah returns and hold you back to go home" the lady left the bima still standing in front of the door staring at Ayana's back until it disappeared behind the door.

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AYana POV

After the departure of the bima from the room I feel tired intend to clean up to immediately rest

but just as I picked up the towel that was still stored in the suitcase I heard a voice that seemed like someone else was arguing

I decided to leave the room to find out what was going on out there and I was so shocked to see and hear mommy and bima arguing about the return of the sheep to her apartment.

"but na"

"yana is fine, let mas bima accompany mbak alena mbak alena must be shocked to know her husband has married again"

"all right, it's up to you"

finally mamah risma also left me and bima who were still standing in front of the door

"go to bim before mamah returns and hold you back" I continue to say seeing bima just speechless

then I left the bima who was still standing at the door without wanting to hear the sound that would make my heart ache.

I shut the door of the room and I lock it so that no one else can enter, I want to cry...

is this sick God loving someone?if it is painful why do you grow the taste that is said to be beautiful and sweet to my heart?and why are only those who feel beautiful and sweet when they feel that name of love?why am I in pain because of love?

I cried out inwardly questioning all that made me sick at this moment, the reeds have already shattered the defenses that I have been building for several days

it feels so tired that it is much more tired when you have to work overtime to check the incoming and outgoing items when closing the book at the end of the month

after crying I got up from my seat and stepped into the bathroom to clean myself up and hurried to lay down this tired body to get a little peace in the dreamland.

At 03:00 in the morning...

I blinked my eyes as the alarm on my phone was on, I got up from the bed and headed to the bathroom to clean myself and fetch some water

after the prayer of the two rakaats I offered all the prayers of kindness to my whole family and after that I began to complain to the creator about what I had been experiencing and asked for strength and fortitude vast as the ocean

"if this is my path of destiny then I will live it all but give me strength, fortitude and patience as vast as the ocean, O God,it is only to you that the servant begs and asks for help by not reducing the gratitude for the blessings and blessings you have given so far, then the servant begs to help the servant in undergoing all the trials of this life".

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