I'm your Director

Although Afraid of Being

“When do you want to find Estu to the village behind that mountain?” ms. Desi asked Bagas who was wearing her office shoes.

“Today Ma, with Banyu too,” said Bagas, he was actually desperate.

“Just look until you meet, want Estu still alive or not, let Mama calm down if it is clear what happened. But Mama is sure she's alive.”

“Iya, Ma, just pray,” said Bagas then say goodbye to the office.

The plan is Bagas with Banyu, this afternoon will return to Java Island, precisely to the mountain area they climb.

When the incident happened the next day they searched with the SAR team in the fall area of Estu and traced it to the possibility of several meters down. However, there is no trace of Estu's disappearance, be it a shirt that is stuck, a body if it is dead or other signs are not found.

Until the third day of the search, Banyu and Bagas decided to go home to tell the family the situation. However, Estu's parents were convinced that two could still be found. So once a month Banyu and Bagas always return to the mountainous area to look for Estu.

Almost six months ago, Bagas and Banyu went back and forth to find Estu, so they were actually tired. Not tired from going home, but tired yet to find a bright and pessimistic point. Estu could have been eaten by a wild beast, because it had been a long time and there was no trace of anything.

**#

As usual Friday Kinasih looking for firewood with Deswita. However, just a few distances into the forest, Kinasih felt an unusual movement.

Kinasih, are the natives there. Automatically sensitive to foreign movements, he can distinguish between human and animal movements, as well as the movements of indigenous people and not.

“Wi, wait a minute, I think someone else is here,” whispered Kinasih.

“What yes? Oh, that's yes?” tanya Deswita pointed to the trees that were like twitching, because they were nudged by many creatures.

“Iya, we hide yuk!” Kinasih.

They both hide, sure not long seen some SAR team who wear uniforms and some people use free clothes.  Their conversation was not well understood by Kinasih. It sounds like looking for someone.

 Kinasih immediately thought if they were looking for Maruta? There is a sense of having to be careful of Kinasih.

After believing the search team was far from the area where Kinasih was hiding, he and his best friend went outside. Kinasih immediately took her home.

“We haven't gotten much yet, Nas?” deswita.

“It's okay, go home. Easy later if I go to the city to send cake, can refill gas,” said Kinasih with a hurry.

 

**#

“You've come home?” maruta asked Kinasih, astonished.

“Iya,” said Kinasih briefly, while taking drinking water and then dipped.

“Why? Pain?” tanya Maruta put his hand on Kinasih's forehead.

“Nothing.”

“Kok rich scared that? Ghost in the woods?”

“No, just relax. Tomorrow if you want to go to the market, go as usual. Tomorrow's order is relaxed, but don't be long home,” said Kinasih who immediately held the job again.

*##

The next day in the early morning Maruta's schedule to the market, Kinasih gave advice before leaving.

“Mas, later do not be too late at home, until eight aja,” said Kinasih.

“Loh how? Honey, two hours left. Pretty buyer,” response Maruta.

“No need, after all the same just dawn-body aja.”

“Why? We need to be consistent in selling. Open what time, close what time. Let our customers know for sure. Who knows if there are customers who come over misfortune, would hope we are still open, uh know it is closed.”

“Udah, Mas, recite me aja.” Kinasih.

“OK,” said Maruta according to Kinasih, afraid to sulk again.

That's how protective Kinasih has been lately, since he felt suspicious of people combing the forest, where he was looking for firewood. Until finally Pak Karso noticed the Kinasih gelagat who seemed to be paying more attention to Maruta.

Mr. Karso did not know the anxiety and fear of Kinasih, if until it is true they are a family from Maruta who are looking for him.

“Nak, here. Dad wants to talk.” Mr. Kardi went to the kitchen to Kinasih who was making a cake.

“Iya, Dad. What's up?” asked Kinasih, he could not take off his job because of the many orders and only he did it and his two friends who helped, including Deswita.

Mr. Karso sat in a chair close to Kinasih who was processing the cake, then said. “Do you have no intention to have a serious relationship with Maruta?”

Kinasih whose hands were busy, instantly fell silent. He looked at his father yet could digest well what he meant by his father.

“I mean Dad, you guys have been living in one house for six months. Shouldn't it just be inaugurated? Shame on the neighbors. Dad as the chairman of RT should be able to be more assertive for the security of the citizens, including his own family.”

“I mean Father? What is the relationship between Kinasih and Maruta? Continuously inaugurated married?” tanya Kinasih ascertained the intent of her father.

“Yes, after all in our house there are no adult men other than Dad. I see lately you've been very attentive to Maruta. Shouldn't you guys have a more official bond?”

Kinasih was speechless, he had not been able to answer the statement from his father. But Mr. Karso continues to talk about the character of Maruta who can adjust quite responsibly and manners.

Mr. Karso did not expect that the existence of Maruta would bring good changes to his family, so he was eager to consider Maruta as part of his family, the only way is to marry Kinasih .

The reason Mr. Karso dared to say that to Kinasih, also because seeing their closeness was not lately. A long time ago, a father saw the gurgles of Kinasih and Maruta.

However, more clearly lately Kinasih like acting on her husband, caring about the activities and circumstances of Maruta.  Likewise with Maruta who always seems to succumb to Kinasih, because he does not want between them there is a fight.

Kinasih had not shown his joy, for fear that when Maruta recovered his memory, Kinasih was forgotten. Sooner or later Maruta must return to his previous life. That always overshadowed Kinasih, even when some of the neighboring girls were trying to get Maruta's attention, Kinasih felt annoyed and unwilling. Especially if Maruta goes back to his family. I can't imagine how his fate would be.

“We'll talk later, Dad.  Not necessarily Maruta also agrees,” replied Kinasih.

“Means you agree dong?” ask Mr. Karso, reassuring.

“Not that either, Dad. If Kinasih is the best. It is true that we must pay attention to the neighbors, lest there are oblique tones, but Kinasih also does not want to be a reason for Maruta to accept Kinasih by force.”

“I mean forced? If Maruta does not want, yes we do not continue.”

“Well, Maruta is basically us who are nook, afraid when he receives what Dad suggested, because he was forced to return the favor. Kinasih did not want just because he avoided the neighbor chat, Kinasih sacrificed the future to marry someone instead of on the basis of liking.  Likewise, Maruta was forced to accept Kinasih because of return.”

“Alright, can I accept your explanation. Someday I'll talk to Maruta.”

“Speaking what Well? Not about marriage. Later he became provoked his feelings to feel troublesome our family, then by forced to agree and agree to Dad's plan,” prevent Kinasih feel afraid of his father excessive.

“No, just relax. I'm just going to talk about his plans in the future.  He had also grown up Kinasih, definitely thinking, it was impossible to continue with a family that had no blood ties at all.

“So much Dad, just don't chat wedding.” Kinasih reassured again.

After his father discussed about the serious relationship between Kinasih and Maruta, from there Kinasih continued to feel anxious. Plus the search team that has reached Malikan Village, plus the father who discussed marriage. The heavier between releasing or binding the tighter, because the feeling of Kinasih the more the day grows to have Maruta and do not want to lose.

 

**#

 

For several days Maruta followed what Kinasih said, he went home before nine, then continued to wait for his shop while resting and working on orders to be delivered.

Kinasih who was also in the store with Maruta, he saw several cars passing in front of his house.  His chest became dag dig dug somehow fear always appears, when he saw a stranger who entered his village.

“Why? Is there a car, are you dumb? Want to have a car?” asked Maruta in a joking tone, he did not understand Kinasih's true feelings.

“No, Mom, who wants a car. Treatment is expensive.”

“Lah, that's you saw the car passing up to his side.”

“I just want to know, like there are city people who enter our village,” said Kinasih.

“Let's go, maybe a neighbor's relative from the city.”

Kinasih tried to convince himself that what Maruta said was true. It was probably their neighboring family from the visiting city.

 

*##

 

The next day Kinasih was restless because at nine in the morning Maruta had not yet returned home, waiting for a few minutes not yet home. Kinasih followed him to the market with the bike he had.

Kinasih until the market he did not find Maruta.  Then ask his friends at the market, he said he had gone home an hour ago, meaning Maruta came home on time actually. But not yet at home. Where the hell is he?

Kinasih returned home, but during the trip he turned left right who knows find Maruta, maybe was chatting with other neighbors or there needs to be in whose place, who, until the house he found no trace of Maruta.  But judging from the sandals that are already on the terrace of the house, Kinasih believes Maruta has returned home.

Without standardizing his bike well, Kinasih went in directly looking for Maruta.

“Mas Maruta?” Kinasih looked into the room, into the kitchen there was nothing, he went straight back to the fish pond.

Sure enough, Maruta there is opening some stale cakes that are not sold, to be given to the fish. Because it has been a cake that does not sell always for fish food, let not Mundzir.

“Mas, search also. Where the hell is it?” tanya Kinasih was upset.

“Hey, why commute?” Maruta was calm. I even like Kinasih who is upset.

“I'm not angry, I'm angry. Waiting for this, I said that if you go home not past nine,” oceh Kinasih, this makes Maruta feel strange, not usually Kinasih angry until such a nag.

“I just felt like going to that forest, somehow I was interested to see the atmosphere.”

“Moreover there, Mas don't go anywhere, peril.” Kinasih more and more sewot, his cheeks bloated so upset at the man who had been constantly worried about him.

“Means danger?” Maruta was confused as to where Kinasih spoke. He was now standing opposite Kinasih.

“Yes, I mean the danger, I'll go everywhere, while Mas goes there. I'm so confused, it's a danger, I'm a sprain anyway.”

Maruta laughed a little at Kinasih's rant. Feeling funny, the woman who is almost the same height as herself, it is not clear what to say. Yang Maruta saw, Kinasih like excessive worry, worry.

“Oh, so if you are upset will be a danger later? I'm the victim of your anger?” ask Maruta, even as if mocked Kinasih.

“Yes, not that either. I was worried. So I work not calm,” lirih Kinasih began to swallow his voice.

Maruta smiled meaningfully looking at the vague and hazy movements of Kinasih in front of him.

“Ih, even laugh. Another person sprained too,” said Kinasih hit Maruta's chest, upset again.

“Hehe, end you funny angry. I used to go home to dzuhur, you're okay, but now I'm waiting for her husband. Well, now I'm home. What was? Kangen yes?” Maruta is getting so attached to Kinasih.

“Emang people are worried should not be? Overall. Huh, kersel! People say, it is not taken seriously.” Kinasih is even more anxious even considered joking.

Maruta grabbed Kinasih's hand stopping his punch. However, Maruta's hand grip was not released when Kinasih stopped hitting him.

“Silent, quiet ... inhale. Just look at me. Do not throw away that face,” said Maruta gently, while fixing the face of Kinasih who did not dare to stare in shame.

 Maruta touched Kinasih's chin, then directed at his face to look straight at him.

“If you knew, I was upset,” said Maruta, softly with a shady look.

Kinasih looked directly at Maruta. He looked for answers in his eyes.

“K-sorry why?” tanya Kinasih was somewhat stammered, powerless against Estu's gaze.

“You want to know upset why?” Maruta's hand.

Kinasih shook his head because he really did not know, his gaze was already locked on Maruta's bead. They looked at each other and enjoyed each taste, looking for an answer between them.

“I was upset because this heart could not calm down and could not decide. What's this taste like? It hurts me to refuse that you can't possibly have me. However, it's nice when I'm sure I can have you because we're so close.

However, it was broken again with my condition which is not clear identity.  Then my heart feels whole again when you are always paying attention. There I was very upset, every day looking for the right direction for my heart's choice. So, should I feel happy or sick with our closeness?”

“Our proximity? Mak—” Greeting Kinasih truncated.

Maruta meant to stop Kinasih saying, he knew that Kinasih was still confused by what he said.

“I love you, Kinasih. I want to be a part of your life. I ventured to express this feeling in the midst of fear of loss, in the midst of a crisis of trust, in the midst of being happy to be with you in this long time. And I'm ready to accept anything for your answer.”

“So, Mas—” Again Maruta stopped Kinasih's question.

Maruta's index finger was kept in front of Kinasih's lips.

“If my long words still make you confused, then I will shorten,” shrewd Maruta, now close his face to the ears of Kinasih.

“Passionate, angel. This God creature in front of you, whose identity is unclear, loves you very much and wants to have a more serious relationship. If you allow.”

The atmosphere at the edge of the pool was silent, only sounding the rustling of fish scrambling pastries that Maruta had thrown. Kinasih had not been able to take off his gaze from the eyeballs which also continued to look at him fixedly.

Kinasih's hand, which was in Maruta's grasp, was still in front of the chest of the former punch of annoyance.

Seriate....