God I Miss You

Big secret

At night, the coach who replaced Master asked Raya to gather everyone because tomorrow was the first day of the match. After everyone gathered, the coach gave direction and asked Raya to carry out the Trust given by the Master well. Raya did not say much at that time especially considering the events of this afternoon made her even more lazy to expend energy, she just asked that tomorrow day everything could be easily arranged and not much behavior.

The morning of Raya which from last night asked everyone to wake up early to do the exercise even if only briefly, already preparing for the field as usual he prefers the one who will compete later the rest he still leaves it to Revelation, although the Kingdom allows Revelation not to

following the training because of his unfavorable circumstances but the Revelation still convinces the Kingdom that his circumstances do not prevent him from carrying out his usual activities, the Kingdom that does not care about the Revelation for now, only leaves everything to the Revelation

When the match began 5 people from his college who will compete today, Raya was very busy because he had to prepare equipment to compete and also accompany his fighters as a corner coach. They do not need to wait long because the fighters compete in a fairly close time.4 fighters

they made it to the next round while 1 again stopped short. Their college fighters have all competed, but the event still continues because there are still many fighters who will compete later. Because all their friends have finished competing Kingdom liberates the others, but must remain in their environment, some of them choose to keep watching the game some others choose to return to mess.

Raya chose to sit under a tree that was not far from the match place, under the shady tree there was no one just there Raya, there, however he could still see the match from his seat, Raya took out her HP from her bag.

he misses his favorite video, he watches the violent video with his wisdom, because there is no one there he is free to watch with a voice of any size plus the sound of cheers from the match certainly the sound of the video will not be heard by anyone other than himself. Several times a cynical smile emanated on his lips, it felt like the burden that befell him could be rivaled with his favorite videos, when again fun to watch the feeling of feeling like to ketoilet because it's been kebelet he so not focused on the video he watched, he went to the toilet that is not far from his place, he went to the toilet, because he was not focused on anything he even left HP and his sling bag under the tree.

Finished from the toilet Raya back to the tree that was used as a place of rest, intending to immediately go to the mess approaching Rami who had earlier chosen to return to the mess. How surprised Raya when she saw Rezky was sitting under the tree while holding her HP. Rezky who had been aware of the arrival of Raya looked at Raya with a confused look was also in disbelief, Raya let out a long sigh because she already knew what happened from just looking at Rezky's gaze

“Raya” call Rezky slowly. Raya sitting next to Rezky took her HP which was in the hands of Rezky, she saw her screen that had switched on her favorite video collection

“Raya is all what? You keep videos like that?” Rezky asked with a confused look

“Create what? You've never tried what that video shows, have you? Or maybe you have practiced it in real terms, and maybe you let the Revelation touch you because it is affected by the video? Asked Rezky with a slightly worried tone and a confused face, Raya just quietly leaned her head on the trunk of the tree “Raya replied me!” He held his head back and

switch staring Rezky “already the question Just that? Anything else I can't answer?” Tanya Raya with resigned face “Raya answer me!”

“well, first I have not practiced it directly on anything, second I am not a person who likes porn videos I just like sadism, sadism, I once tried to watch porn videos full of lust to answer the questions that were in my head because every time I saw a rape video I felt happy but the rape was full of violence I not at all interested in that lustful porn video, and I let Revelation touch me not because of that video, but because I got carried away and couldn't control myself”

“do what you watch so you know it can cause negative impacts that can harm others as well as yourself”

“I know, I can also tell what is right and what is wrong, but somehow when I feel lonely, when I feel sad, when I feel annoyed that all can be lost because of these videos, I feel better when I watch them, this video for me is not just entertainment but I think he is part of me”

“My time...”

“ky... I'm too weak to get through my days, I'm too weak to bear this burden alone, she said, everyone thought that I was a strong person both physically and mentally but they were wrong, endeavour

like a normal, cheerful human being to my sisters. My father has children from other women my mother is also the same he married another man and has a child” Rezky was surprised when he heard the confession from Raya

“the reason mom rarely comes home is because there is another family besides us, because there is a job that she thinks is more important than us she did not even tell me about her new family as well as my father. But those videos can heal the wounds in my heart can restore my confidence, can strengthen me again, I once participated in a group that led the group was my friend, I was, it feels exciting to be able to shake people's heads just like that certainly with blood spurts everywhere” Raya smiled when imagining her passion “but when I tried it myself, when the victim was in front of me, the victim was already in front of me, it felt like I just fluttered the machete around his neck through his belly like the one in the video, but I couldn't bear ky.. seeing him plead with tears flowing profusely reminded me of the person I loved my sisters, my friends, and the person who always supported me, you know what I did to him afterwards, she said, I let him go safely and even gave him the money I was supposed to pay for my tuition, I just watched from a distance the sadism of my friend the sadism that I used to watch on the screen and leptop now I can watch for real, even though I do not have the courage to do it, he said, I think just seeing it makes me very happy and very appreciated” explained Kingdom “ky I never talk to anyone only me and god knows it I hope you can hide my secret by well, whatever prompted me to tell you but I trust you ky, believe that you can understand me”.