Fazila Tipan From Heaven

Searching for Truth

I really felt a deep sadness, the face of the woman I didn't know her name was still dancing in the memory of my brain. My breath feels tight. Ever since I saw that woman's face I've become insane. My sadness was beginning to get out of control.

What am I supposed to do? Can I stand before him? How do I apologize? This sin completely destroyed the peace of my soul! I started muttering to myself, the longer I was in the room the more crowded I became. I was so upset with myself that I couldn't look me in the mirror.

Lord... Don't burden me beyond my limits! I was again in despair. Slowly, I walked out of the room feeling very stifling, down the stairs while holding on to each side.

At home, I started hiring six people, three women, two men in charge of guarding the front post, and the other in charge of taking care of the park. At least by hiring them I could see and hear there was another life in the silent house that I lived in for these five years in solitude.

"Mhd... You should just watch TV, to just get rid of fatigue! There's a good show on TV, I mean a new show featuring little kids memorizing the Qur'an. I wish my family could join the show! Fazila, what a name." Said a young Art, about twenty-five years old.

"Of course, Race. I don't like watching TV. At best also mbok ngorok if we invite to watch." Connect another Art that is the same age as the woman called Ras, or Laras.

I looked at the three women standing not far from me with great sadness. I was sad because they were talking about children

that sweet, hearing her name made me think more of her mother. My tears almost spilled back. I understand the direction of their conversation. In the end, they would definitely talk about the elegance of her mother.

"I like Fazila, the boy is very sweet and he performs perfectly. If only I were the lucky woman who became her mother." Baras continued with a face showing off a smile, the three women were still unaware of my existence. As soon as I stood in front of him, they started to look tense.

"Tu-lord? Wh-w-w-would you need anything?" Mbok Lasi asked as he ducked, I don't know what the middle-aged woman standing in front of me thinks. His face looked tense, and the other two girls were not much different from him either. All this time I was rarely at home to meet and talk to them, then where did the tense and afraid attitude attack them simultaneously?

"I want water. Cold water!" I reply slowly while walking towards the middle room.

"Tonight you'll have to cook for me! I'll have dinner at home, never make the slightest mistake in the food you serve. I hate mistakes made by my employees, whether it's at home or in the office!" I said again, stopping my footsteps. There was no reply from the three women standing in front of me, they nodded softly without any rebuttal.

"This is the water, sir." Said Mbok Lasi while putting the cold water I asked on the table.

"You two, come here!" Pinta me while flicking my index finger and looking at the faces of the two young Art. Mbok Lasi was going to go to the kitchen, he abandoned his intentions because the two young Art who were his nephews looked scared.

"Lt is... Tu-an?" Say two women at the same time.

"What were you talking about, just now?"

"Twad... We're talking about the TV show." Nervous Barrel.

"Listen, I don't like to hear you guys gossip while I'm at home. Whatever it is, never do it. I hate to see people gossip." Saying with a dagger-sharp gaze, the three women standing in front of me looked even more frightened.

What's wrong with me? I knew the two women were not gossiping, out of nowhere my fear came. I fear that woman will be wounded, the wounds inflicted by the Human's mouth are much more painful than the thrust of the sword though.

Where do I know this story will start? Shall I meet him at the dormitory and rest in front of him to get his forgiveness? Did that Saliha woman remember the face of that brash man who desecrated her chastity? Did she forget my face just as much as I forgot her beautiful face? A million questions still filled my heart and mind. I can't tell my sad story to my best friend, Araf.

Had Araf known everything, I would not have survived his fists.

I looked back at the two young women standing in front of me.

"You can go. Don't ever talk nonsense in front of me, because I will definitely be angry with you. You understand?" I asked with a flat tone of voice. The two young women did not dare to raise their heads, they were bowing in silence, I felt the emotions I brought from the office could not yet subside.

I again took a rough breath. Regardless of the three women standing in front of me, I immediately left the living room without taking a sip of water that the middle-aged woman I used to call Mbok brought. I don't remember the names of all the workers in my house, I was too late in my own world. Now I began to realize, it turns out that the life I lived all this time was just futility.

Debukkk!

As soon as I got to the room, I immediately threw my tired body on the bed. For a moment, I tried to close my eyes and then imagine the shady figure that Araf was aiming for.

My chest was pounding very hard, as if my heart was about to jump out. Still vividly remembered in my brain's memory the words of mama that explained my resemblance to that sweet boy, a resemblance that I wasn't even aware of in the slightest.

If that's true? then I really can't be forgiven. I muttered to myself with my chest still tight, my breathing heavy. My tears began to drip, out of nowhere this sadness suddenly appeared and destroyed all the confidence I had. I want to scream, and yelling is of no use.

"Lord... What should I do if what I think is true?" I said in a soft voice.

"Woman must hate me? He must have cursed me?

Lord... Please, don't test me beyond my limits! I can no longer stand on my feet." Say it again with tears of pain..

Fa-ti-mah? Fa-ti-mah! Fatimah! FATIMA! Repeatedly saying that name made me feel a bit of calmness. My brain began to design every little step I had to take to get sorry from him. I don't care if I have to get a slap like the one in the drama. Hundreds of slaps or lashes will not be enough for me as punishment from her, even if the woman asks me to die then I have no right to refuse her.

I'm not a loser who will run away from mistakes and responsibilities before meeting him the first thing I have to do is find the truth.

I cleaned the corner of my eyes that were still watering with the back of my hand, then grabbed the phone I had placed on the nightstand. Trying to contact my confidant, the one who will find the truth hidden even in the slightest.

"I have a job for you! Do it secretly. I don't want the slightest mistake. If this Secret gets leaked then your heads will be the ransom!" Say it out loud as soon as the number I call is connected.

"Okay sir!" The owner of the voice over there. I could hear a respectful tone from his short speech.

Klikkkp.

I turned off the phone without a salutation. Hope this process of seeking truth will not reap another storm in my hard life.

I'll see you after this truth is revealed. Whatever your decision is, I'll still be heading your way. I promise to see you in two days, from now on. Just two days!

I'm ready to accept all your anger and hatred, I'm ready if you have to kill me!

Alan Wijaya's... From now on you are in a destiny you will not be able to avoid. Your life and death are in that woman's hands. She is not just a foreign woman, her name is Fatimah Azzahra. I said softly while taking a deep breath and then violently exhaled it from the lips.

...***...