Fazila Tipan From Heaven

Fear

"Fazila, hurry up, son." I urged my daughter to get ready soon, her schoolmates were already waiting in front of the house.

"A minute, Mi. Another responsibility." Reply Fazila while tying her shoelaces.

"Ummi put your lunch in the bag, don't forget to eat. Ummi'll be upset if your lunch is back in one piece." Say it again while carrying a bag of groceries.

Since last night my thread ran out, and this morning I was planning to stop by the shop I used to stop by to buy sewing supplies.

"Are ummi going out?"

"Ummi wants to buy sewing supplies."

"Almost Fazila forgot! His grandmother asked Ummi to make her the hijab that Ummi made yesterday. But, this time the color should be yellow."

"really?" Tanyaku.

"Yes, this morning Nyai's grandmother asked Ummi to come by her house." Said Fazila while walking towards me.

My beloved daughter left after saying goodbye to me, and I went to the store in the middle of the market that I used to visit once a week.

...***...

"eeehh... Non Fatimah come again?" Greet the shop owner with a faint smile that adorns his face.

"Yes, sir." Reply to me while handing over the grocery list paper.

"O yes no, yesterday someone was looking for you."

"Searching, who?"

"Brother doesn't know either! But he left this for you!" I slowly picked up an envelope that the store owner had handed me, and stuffed it into the small bag that was in my right hand.

Meanwhile, in an invisible corner someone was watching Fatimah while smiling cynically at her.

In every space of life that we go through, sometimes we will meet various folds contained in the person we meet. Someone is smiling in front of you, but he really hates you. There is also flattering in front of you, but behind him is like a fire that will burn with spite and envy.

There is no benefit of malice other than suffering.

Eeem! A man chuckled while patting me on the shoulder. I was shocked that the item the shop owner had thrust out of my finger.

"Innallight..." I said spontaneously.

"Innalillah? Do you think I died? You have no feelings." Say someone behind my back.

"Bu Yati should have come while saying greetings, instead of surprising non Fatimah as before." Said Mr. Dimas my subscription store owner.

"Pak Dimas doesn't need to defend her, I'm really piqued by her." Reply Bu Yati with his sharp gaze.

I remained silent as I picked up all the items that had fallen on the ground. This time ma'am Yati is really outrageous, I won't let her get away if she insults me again with her poisonous remarks.

"What's the matter of Miss Yati?" I asked curiously while looking at his face which was visible in a fog of anger.

"My problem is you. If you disappear from this village then it will be good for me." Reply to Bu Yati with fire.

I walked away from Bu Yati with all her anger, anger that I myself do not know when it started. Bu Yati's screaming voice was deafening, yet I preferred to ignore it. If everyone who hates me lives then where is my peace?

Sufficient is Allah as my helper!

...***...

"Bu Yati why? Early in the morning the cockerel looks like someone who can't eat breakfast because the rice is charred." Said a woman who passed by Bu Yati.

"Even this is worse, Miss Mirna. I want to burn the whole village." Reply to Ms. Yati while sitting next to Ms. Mirna.

"Did Ms. Mirna know, that widow with one child pissed me off today. I reprimanded her at the market and she instead replied to me with the saying 'Innalillah' if Miss Mirna so I will Miss Mirna not be upset?" Keep going to Bu Yati again.

"I don't think, why does Miss Yati hate Fazila so much? Isn't he very nice?" Miss Mirna asked out of curiosity.

"The woman was just pretending to be nice. And I know that for sure. Do you know now that the woman is looking for the attention of the young doctor who just came to our village." Keep yati ma'am blunt. His words sounded convincing, the padahan he just said nonsense.

"Hussis... Ms. Yati cannot say that, fearing it to be a fitnah."

"Defamation or not is the truth, I really wonder why the woman with one child is still allowed to live in our village." Say Bu Yati again.

Miss Mirna left Bu Yati with all her complaints, she knew what she said was not true.

Sometimes nonsense will sound like the truth if someone chooses to swallow everything he says without seeking the truth.

...***...

"Assalamu'alaikum."

"Wa'alaikumsalam's chat. You've come, son!" Nyai Latifa said as soon as she saw me coming while carrying black plastic.

"Are you from the market?" Nyai Latifa asked again with a wrinkled forehead, it meant that something was bothering her.

"Yes, Nyai. Fazila told me she needed a yellow hijab. I have bought the material, God willing tonight I will make."

"Son, you know that's not the case now! The problem is some people are against your presence in this village. Just accept Kiai's advice so you accept Nak Imran's proposal. Isn't he a good man? He'll make you happy with your daughter." Pinta Nyai Latifa was full of hope.

What else can I say! The pain I was experiencing and the trauma my body was experiencing, it still stuck in my mind. How will I live a new life if my ever-present past stops my footsteps.

No one knows my pain but me. I want to cry howling, but I can't do that because I know every page I'm going through right now is the will of the power, on whom am I going to protest? All I can do is try to look okay even though I'm not okay.

"Hyai, I know ustadz Imran is a good man. It's just that I'm not good enough for him. There are still a lot of things you don't know about my past. If Nyai knows everything then Nyai will never dare to match me with any good man, and I have no intention of deceiving anyone. I just want to be known as Fazila's ummy." I said long and wide. Hearing my words Nyai Latifa looked disappointed.

"Aren't you planning on getting married? You deserve to be happy too."

"Happy won't survive in my case Nyai, I'm too scared for that. My fear of humiliation after marriage is far greater than the humiliation when I'm alone." I started shedding tears.

Sometimes God hides the Sun, He brings Lightning and Lightning. We wonder where the Sun is going. Apparently God gave us a rainbow.

...***...