CAMELLIAS

episode 51

During the journey no one spoke at all. Jupiter remained silent, as did Nadira. Even Jupiter deliberately raises the volume of music, so that only the sound of songs that accompany their journey. 

Nadira knows, Jupiter Paati does not want to talk to him, even the man looks restless after Kara chose to go home with a man she does not recognize. 

Nadira took the initiative to shrink the volume of the music, the,

"We need to talk" he said after the music began to faintly.

"If you want to ask about Kara, I think you already know the answer." 

"I know, but we want to talk good. I don't want everything to get screwed up." 

"That's what I'm thinking."

Unexpectedly, Jupiter pulled her car over the shoulder of the road. Jupiter got out of his car to a park not far from the side of the road. Nadira soon followed Jupiter's steps, though he did not know what Jupiter was going to do. 

Jupiter chose a green long chair provided by the park manager, he patted the empty space next to it. 

"Here!" Take it to Nadira who is still walking slowly and looks doubtful.

Nadira also landed his butt on an iron chair that felt so cold, and leaned the body on the back, as Jupiter did. 

"I want to tell you something." Said Jupiter, her black bead glaring far away, into every dark corner that was only decorated with garden lights. A quiet atmosphere that only heard the sound of vehicles passing by, and some people who chose to sit relaxed like them, but the distance was far apart.

"I am the second son of brothers, we are three sisters one woman and two men. Me, Brother Dea, and also my brother David." Jupiter begins the story, while Nadira still quietly listens carefully, while once he rubs his palm that feels cold. Fortunately, he always wore long clothes and was quite warm, otherwise he could get cold.

"Of the three brothers, I'm the only successor to my father's company. Brother Dea could not continue, other than because he had a child, also his strength was too weak, because he was a woman. David, the dissident and stubborn, is very difficult to control. Dad and mom gave up taking care of him, and let him be a racer, even though I don't know what kind of racer he is." Jupiter giggles amusedly, imagining the younger brother who is now in Australia, is getting an education while channeling his strange hobby into a racer. 

"My life became so unpleasant, it was even so boring because my mother started to organize all my life, from education to even personal life. You remember no, how I dated Ayu, when we were both in school."  Nadira nodded, confirming. He still remembers how popular Jupiter was in school, even Jupiter and Ayu became the most harmonious couple in school, often referred to as the young Romeo and Juliet. Besides because they are both equally popular, also because they both have the same perfect physique. 

"Then I met Kara. The first time I met him was when I was invited to dinner with my father and also Kara's father. That night I just realized that at my school there was a girl as sweet as her. I often saw him at school, even at other corporate events, but that night I just saw him clearly up close. Of the many women who liked me, only she was not interested in me, making me even more curious to approach her." Nadira still listened well, he did not speak a single bit, and just let Jupiter get all the story out. 

"He's very difficult to approach, even I have to keep judging him, before he finally wants to get close to me. At first I thought I was just curious because she was the only woman who was not interested in me, only when I found out she was also close to Alfaro, my heart started to feel unsettled, I even started to feel something called jealousy. Until that terrible event happens and changes everything." 

The heavy breath of Jupiter, Nadira knew it was the beginning of all this chaos. 

"The beginning of the misunderstanding that ended with Kara's departure. And you know, the day Kara disappeared, the day I found out that she loved me. And I'm very disappointed. Disappointed that I couldn't do anything to save him, because I was still a snot kid. I'm so desperate, you know exactly how I was then." Now Jupiter looked at Nadira, but the gaze was only fleeting and looked back to the front, 

"I tried to be a successful man at a young age, so I could do whatever I wanted, including finding Kara. But looking for his whereabouts is not as easy as I imagined, he disappeared as if swallowed by the earth, even some mercenaries did not manage to find him. Until I finally decided to give up and have a relationship with you." 

Now Jupiter was really facing Nadira, even she shifted her seat, as if she wanted Nadira to listen to her words carefully. 

"I didn't mean to play you. At the beginning of our relationship, I did hope we could be lovers who love each other, even though at that time I did not love you, but I hope I love can come slowly because it is used to. I try so hard to love you, even I did not refuse when our parents decided to get married soon because, I hope after proceeding to a more serious level, I can love you, I hope, but it's not that easy." Jupiter bowed her head, she was truly sorry.

Nadira could feel the aura of rejection that began to show Jupiter. Even Nadira already knew where Jupiter was talking, but he still remained silent, and did not react to anything other than listening and only his eyeballs were moving following every movement of Jupiter. 

"Then one day I met Kara, but under very different circumstances. She even changed her name to Camelia. I don't know what happened that changed her, but one thing I do know is that my feelings never changed for her." 

Now Jupiter grabbed one hand Nadira, holding Nadira's hand which began to feel cold.

Jupiter and Nadira looked at each other, as if exploring each other's feelings. Jupiter with guilt and Nadira with a feeling of pain that began to spread throughout his body. 

"Thank you for being with me and being my good lover. But, I love Kara so much. I don't even know what else to do if he leaves me. I'm really sorry, Nad." Jupiter was very serious about the mistake he made. 

Nadira tried to smile, although her lips felt stiff and difficult to move. He returned Jupiter's hand, as if he were signaling he was okay.

"I understand, and I know how you've been feeling all along. No matter how much I try to make you love me, I still can't take Kara's place in your heart. If that's what's best for us, let's end this now." 

Jupiter did not believe the sentence that came out of Nadira's mouth, even Jupiter thought Nadira must have refused and definitely re-argued like that time. 

"I have prepared myself for this day for a long time, for I am sure it will happen. My life is full of uncertainty, even my true story is the same." Nadira smiled wryly, again he had to mourn his life which he had felt was very unfair. 

"If I marry you, not only you and Kara will get hurt but also me. But if you two get married, only I'll get hurt." 

"Nad, you must be happy. Trust me." 

"I no longer want to be happy, I will only live the rest of my life doing a lot of good, because I must be ready if at any time the end comes to pick me up, in circumstances and times that I do not know." 

Jupiter knows this is a difficult time, not just for him but for Nadira as well. But, this tangled thread was not immediately severed, it would forever be a blob of trouble that would never end. Marrying Ndaira is not the right solution to solve the problem, but canceling the marriage is also not the right solution, because Nadira's parents will certainly immediately withdraw the shares they have. But every decision must have risks, both good and bad. And Jupiter must be ready with all the bad possibilities whatever it will face. 

"I'll finish what I can finish, the rest I'll leave it to you. I hope we can still be friends as usual, and I'm happy if Kara can make you happy. Marry her, and be happy." Nadira smiled, even though deep in his heart he was crying. 

Nadira's hand slowly rubbed the face of Jupiter, the face he always imagined every time he did the treatment, and became a reliever when he felt pain. But this face is also never touched in the slightest, despite their status as fiancee, but Jupiter never touched or did anything else to Nadira. They only have a short kiss, and that happens in certain circumstances.

And for this time alone, before he actually lost Jupiter for good, he might not even be able to touch Jupiter for good. For this time alone, as a farewell greeting he was eager to touch the face of Jupiter and feel every perfect sculpture of Jupiter's face. He touched from the forehead, nose to chin, and Jupiter did not forbid Nadira to do so, he let Nadira explore his face. He knew Nadira just wanted to finish his curiosity and finish his job as Jupiter's fiancee. Tomorrow their status will change. 

 Nadira still put his hand on Jupiter's face with both hands, and still fixedly looked at Jupiter. He slowly drew his face closer and briefly kissed Jupiter's lips, the lips he had always imagined were in the shape of his lips. But Nadira was quite self-aware, he did not expect Jupiter to return his kiss, but in the unexpected Nadira, Jupiter actually pulled Nadira's nape and returned the kiss.

Such a sweet farewell kiss. Jupiter ****** Nadira's lips softly, and Nadira did not waste this opportunity by replying to the pageants of each Jupiter page. But the longer the kiss was painful, even Nadira was no longer able to hold the stuffing that began to come out of his mouth. 

Jupiter let go of her kiss and grabbed Ndira's vibrating body, "I'm sorry," said Jupiter, shrill by Nadira's ear. While Nadira can only cry withstanding the tightness that increasingly squeezes his heart, and let for tonight only he wants to show his pain and disappointment in front of Jupiter. 

No matter how much his patience for Jupiter, still love cannot be forced. Even all his efforts and sacrifices have been meaningless in the eyes of Jupiter. Nadira does not regret having loved Jupiter so deeply, but he is just a human being, he can feel sick and disappointed, even when he wants to be a selfish human being, still can not. He remained weak, and did not want to see Jupiter suffer because of his will. 

The limit of patience is highest when we have to let something we love go. No matter how hard we try to hold him back, but when he does not want to be near us, then the balance will disappear and definitely end in a separation. 

Jupiter took off her arms as Nadira's cries began to subside. 

"I must have hurt you so much. I'm sorry." His words were sincere, while rubbing the tears of Nadira who had soaked his face. 

Nadira shook her head with a smile, a very forced smile. "I'm not crying out of hurt, but I need an outlet to express all the overflows of all the feelings that are in my heart. I love you and I love Kara too. You both mean the same thing in my heart, even in their respective positions." 

Jupiter did not expect Nadira to immediately agree to this separation. During this time he misjudged Nadira, he thought Nadira was a selfish and stubborn woman. But it didn't. 

Jupiter kissed Nadira's forehead, as a thank you for not complicating things. 

"Thank you. I owe you so much."