BEREAVEMENTS

Episode 11; Point ZERO

“Sisters, you can't be here! Please out!” a police officer orders both of them. Lena did not flinch at the sight before her. He really did not believe what was in front of him.

“Re..” Renov stood before Rena to block her view.

“Surge, Mas..” Lena pushed Renov away. He wants to see everything clearly. He wanted to wake up from all these nightmares.

“Yes Lord..” instead of stepping aside, Renov clutched Lena's head tightly. Resisting all the energy Lena who was struggling wanted to escape.

“You please step aside, this is not a spectacle!” the police officer ordered again.

“Indeed not Sir, but can you explain what happened with our Father?” Renov asked as he stared into the officer's eyes wryly. The policeman was dumbfounded looking at Renov who was still holding Lena's rampage in his arms.

“You wait until the inspection is complete. You better take care of your sister. Trust all of them to us..” The policeman sighed at the sight of the brothers. He continued the investigation with a heavy heart. What's wrong with this world?

Renov continued to hold Lena in his deck while paying attention to the surrounding situation. Dozens of pairs of eyes looked at Lena with pity, their mouths did not stop delivering bad news to anyone who had just come to see the situation, the voice of the police who continued to shout giving instructions, and the sound of an ambulance breaking all that noise. Renov's eyes glazed over as he watched the police officers and PMI busy lowering the stiff body of Lena's father hanging from the ceiling of the living room. Why is the world so cruel to Lena?

“I beg Mas, let me go..” Lena is still trying to get away from Renov.

“In a moment...in a moment, Dear..” Renov tightened his hugging. He didn't want Lena to witness all this poignant happenings.

Renov then drags the calmer Lena out of her neighborhood. The house is getting crowded and journalists have started to be seen hunting for news. Lena must not be exposed to the media until Renov decides to take her away. Lena just followed Renov's footsteps in silence. Renov walked to his car which was parked quite a distance away on the street of the compound before Lena's house.

“Renatta..” Renov crouched down in front of Lena who was sitting in the side seat of the car.

Lena just kept quiet and the girl's eyes were blank. While watching Lena for the umpteenth time, Renov realized that Lena was clenching her hands tightly until her knuckles turned white. Quickly he grabbed Lena's hand and tried to let go of the fist. Lena's palms have started bleeding from her own nails.

“Re...don't hurt yourself”, he said again. Lena still didn't say anything, she didn't even cry.

“Why did Mas call me that?” lena said softly, she finally looked at Renov who was crouching in front of her. The man now cleaned the wound on Lena's knee that hit the tortoar while walking earlier.

“Teach? Your name's Renatta?”

“But why!” lena's voice is rising.

“Because you are Renatta no matter what.” Renov did not know the direction of this conversation.

“I must be dreaming, right? How hilarious! A Renov is kneeling before me! One who was so avoided now rubbed my feet gently, and an even more interesting scene.” Lena could not continue her sentence, “my father killed himself!”

“Kill yourself Mas! Did you hear that? If this were to be a novel, the story would be great, right? The plot twist is amazing, right? Don't we? This scenario is amazing, isn't it, Mas?” Lena shouted in one breath. The thunder in his heart could not stand it.

“Re, take a breath Re..” Renov chose to remain calm with this situation. Lena was completely distressed by the situation yet she seemed to be at a loss as to which emotion was most appropriate at the moment.

“What do you want me to say? Everything gonna be okay? Obviously everything is not good at the moment. Will I always be here? That's obvious.” Renov looked at Lena sharply, he assured Lena that he was really sincere when he said it, “try to calm yourself down and say what you want.”.

“Mas know the novel that got me that award? It's all real. Did you know that already? I'm the girl in the novel. The girl in the novel got the award after all her hard work. He who learns desperately so that his value is always perfect. He who even gave additional lessons in the place of tutoring in order to earn his own pocket money. He always woke up earlier than other students because he had to cook breakfast for his father who had worked hard. He always smiles to welcome his father home. She has always been a good girl at home and at school... He who...” Lena's breath stung to tell the contents of the novel he had written.

“The biggest award is not because of reflecting on the plaque or certificate, not also congratulations, but when Mas said that I had tried hard on the field that afternoon.” Lena looked at the shady Renov, “I wish Dad also said the thing Mas said.....”.

“...but this actual Lena actually got a more extraordinary gift, the father who was so respected actually killed himself on his son's birthday. Why does it have to be like this? Wouldn't it be better if Dad left than killed himself?” Renov could see clearly that Lena was angry. Getting angry? Isn't that an inappropriate emotion when he should be feeling sad? Renov observed the various changes in Lena's face.

Renov realized something, birthday? He bitterly swallowed his saliva. Is there nothing more painful than this? Renov's tears welled up, making Lena look faint in his eyes.

“Why should commit suicide..” says Lena crested. Renov fell silent, unable to answer Lena's question.

“Tell me! What do they think about when they kill themselves? Their suffering is over, but me? The people left behind in this world who bear it all! They leave painful memories. All the good memories with them disappeared instantly, Mas. Lost!”

“I have to how to continue my life? What should I do with these horrible memories! Huh?!” Lena shouted, pouring all her anger onto the only person before her. He doesn't know what to do. Not even tears would come out of his eyes, he was too angry at his father who died that way. After all the understanding he had given his busy father, this kind of reward Lena got in return. It's totally unfair.

“As you said earlier Renatta, all this is just a dream, tomorrow when you wake up, the pain will be reduced. And so on until the pain is completely gone from your heart.”.

“Mas don't have to lie to me, I'm not that stupid to assume all this is a dream, I know this is reality. My knee hurts so much, as hurt as my heart.” Renov looked at Lena nanar, he did not expect his meeting with Lena would be like this.

Renov breathed heavily. His instincts never lied to him. Lena was not entirely wrong, Renov was actually trailing the girl from after school. Her feelings were still not calm letting Lena leave for school today. Yesterday Mr. Wahyu again contacted him to convey the news that Lena was again curled up in the garden of Mr. Wahyu's house. He should have rested another day or two, but the girl remained insistent and left for school. Lena seemed not to want to be alone in her house and when she picked her up this afternoon Renov immediately knew that the girl was not okay. Although the girl was smiling while looking at the afternoon sky, Renov could clearly see the uneasiness in his eyes.

Renov couldn't stop being curious about Lena since their first meeting. The girl was always at her worst when she met Renov. Without Renov noticing, his eyes always follow Lena wherever he goes in school. He made sure the location of the girl was in the range of his views so that he could come to the girl at the right time. Renov stunned, the right time? He recalled his question to Lena and looked at the girl sadly. The right time for me is not necessarily the right time for Lena or vice versa.

“Renatta..” This time Renov touched Lena's cheek, trying to attract her attention so that she looked towards Renov's eyes.

“Lena need not be pitied, Mas.” Lena smiled, this time a desperate smile. He knew that all the rejection in his heart would not change things. Lena just had enough of it. At least he was used to being alone, whether or not his father was in the house meant nothing to Lena, he thought.

“It's not so Lena, but I'm very worried when you're so calm like this. You can cry as much as possible, you can scream as loud as possible. But if you just keep quiet and smile like that, I'm really scared of you.” the thing Renov mentioned is a natural thing if you experience what Lena is going through. But the girl really looked calm and fine.

“Mas don't have to overdo it like that, Lena's really fine. Anyone can experience this, after all Lena's father is not a father who always looks after his child. Dad always believed that his son was capable of taking care of himself, his son was trustworthy, so Dad must have killed himself with the thought that his son, me, would be fine! Yeah, Dad always believed in me like that”, Lena came back saying a difficult sentence once Renov understood. The girl was so smart to hide her feelings, so smart to manage her calmness.

“You are really angry apparently..” hissed Renov slowly, deliberately so that Lena turned to him, “you are angry right? Because your father left in that way? You must feel betrayed by all the reality that you have believed?” Lena looked at Renov with a wounded look. How could this man interpret it that way?

“Nak...” call the police officer who approached them, “there are families you can contact? We have to talk about this with a more mature person.”

“No sir, I am the only family in Jakarta, my grandmother is out of town”, Lena stood up and approached the officer. They talk while returning home. Renov chose to follow Lena in silence. Wherever Lena went, Renov's eyes could not escape her.

***