Becoming a Mother at Age 20

Chapter 21 We are living

"Finally the cave can bring Binar here brother," I said. Kala Bima took me to the lake. I invited Binar too. Brother went to work so don't come with us.

Bima shook the mat we brought. "Sit Vi, pegel is not that? Let the big cave of Binar here," exclaimed Bima. I'm shaking.

I looked at the face of Binar who was asleep at the time. His face was so soothing again. Yes, life is not worth living if it is not grateful. Even though Binar was present because of my mistakes in the past. Even though someone would ridicule him one day because of that, I would still be by his side.

I elus my son's soft cheeks. My smile expanded, my eyes changed to look at the vast lake with very clean and clear water. Later, Binar will have a heart like this lake. Calm when in view, in it there is a clean and clear heart.

I felt a heavy hand touch my head. "The cave wasn't invited? It was the cave that brought you here."

I chuckle with Bima's behavior. I don't know when I became like this. I think, Bima is. "Later we thought we were married to Bim."

Bima looked straight at the lake. He smiles. "Why indeed? The cave wants that."

"The?"

"What?"

I'm speechless. Not answering. I really want Bima. He was so kind and so sincere. But, is someone like me right for him? I think he can get more than me. It feels like Bima deserves someone who can take care of herself.

"Gua never spared lo Vi, the cave has repeatedly tried the same new people but the end of the cave still nyari lo. The cave does not understand why, but the cave feels the place home is real." Bima patted my shoulder. A moment later, he embraced me.

"The?"

"Biarin tetep kaya gini ya Vi, until the cave feels worthy to be next to lo. At this time the cave has nothing to seriously lo. The cave wants everything ready and fit, so no more pain for you."

I'm shaking. No, instead I should feel unworthy not even for him. "Bim, you can get a good girl. You can get someone more than a cave. Cave does not feel not pantes aja in this fight just like lo. Gua sure, you can get more from Bim's cave."

Bima leaned her head at me. He stroked the face of Binar very gently. At that time his smile was bright, very handsome.

"Binar, why does your mother always discuss her feelings? Why is your mother always rejecting me when I really want her. Binar, when you're big don't be a rich coward your mother is. Who doesn't want to be honest with his own feelings."

I frowned. What does denial mean by feeling your own? What do cowards mean?

Bima looked at me, her eyes so sharp. Also, relax. "Cave love same lo. Never go again with obscure people out there. The cave will always be where you go home, so will you. Lo will be the cave home."

"Bim—" one more letter will be a name. But Bima didn't let me mention her name. "What?" tanyakanya.

"Gua doesn't want to hear anything anymore. Lo tetep Viola who already has children, and the cave will still be Bima who loves Viola with her child. The cave will come when the cave is able to support lo and Binar. In the time before that, the cave will be guarded and mastiin if you and Binar are fine." Bima smiled. "Understand Viola?"

I chuckle. Not her sense of ridicule but, laughing at myself. Laughing at my own stupidity. I wish I wasn't just dating people just because I was lonely. Just because I don't have a father figure. Just because I have a mother who is no longer on my side.

If I let myself be swallowed up in loneliness and pain, maybe I wouldn't be like this. Maybe there is no current. Maybe I will be able to accept Bima with pleasure.

What about the Bima family? Will you accept me who has children? Will accepting the filthy me be part of his honorable family? Bima may be, but her family will not.

Yeah, it's okay. Maybe I can only feel these pleasures without being able to have a serious relationship with him. I really appreciate his unbroken efforts for me. Hugely.

"Why Bima?"

"Why what?"

"Why can you still love the cave even when the cave has done wrong?"

"It's not your fault."

"Whose fault is it?"

"Cowok it. That jerk Vi. If he engga maksa lo, you will not be rich gini now. After all, the cave will never escape lo kalo this." Bima's gaze turned to me, she smiled. "Don't go anymore, Vi, because it's free."

"P-free?" many doubt.

"Yes free, the cave will continue to run until the end of the world."

I chuckle softly. His face when serious was very funny. "Yes .. yes Bima."

"Binar is beautiful, by the way, Vi? It's like lo, rich bule."

"Si's time?"

"Yes. Her lips were looking, red. Nose, mancung. Skin, white. Yoke, good. Thick hair. Eyebrows, thick. Surely later the boys will like Binar. Well at that time, the cave as his father will keep from the brindles of Vi. If you're going to be Barin Binar dating no?"

I thought for a moment. "Em .. according to lo?"

"Yes .. can. Feelings can't be cancel Vi. Rich feeling cave to lo. The more in the grave will grow. We'll let you go to the Binar later, Vi? But we must not give him a sense of loneliness, because in fact the family is home to every child. So, we created a fun house, did Vi make Binar?"

Milky. I'm very lucky. "Emang lo sure will be the same Bim cave?"

"Why not? As long as we try, while the cave wants and you want. The soul mate is in the hands of God, but our efforts will also be seen with God Vi. Don't mess around."

I chuckle again. There's just the behavior. Well, maybe it's better now that I'm just enjoying it. There is no need to think about tomorrow because today is also worth enjoying. Don't make today useless just to think about how tomorrow we ourselves don't know where it's going.

"We're going with Bim."

"Huh?"

"It's up to you not to."

"Vi Jalani? Seriously?"

I'm nodding. Bima's face was so happy, she carried Binar with great enthusiasm. "You're a bit of a fan, aren't you, Binar? Mom said she wanted to go with me, your father-to-be. Do you agree with Binar?"

Somehow, Binar smiled.