25 Years of Father

The Struggle at College

I sat with my dad on the plane. Where I will continue college without my wishes at all. My eyes glazed over as I looked at the clouds in front of the side from outside the window of the plane. I just left with my father without a mother and my sister drove me to the city where I was studying. It feels so very hard to leave mommy with the decision that you are taking at this time. My dad's decision to go to college with a major I never thought of. Dad was steady with his decision without even hearing my wishes at all.

"You have to go to college right. Don't ever mess with college, Anggia. I'm old, who do you expect to be if you don't succeed?" I was silent when my father said so before my departure to college.

This is where we are. Aunty's house became our first stopover in this big city. Dad just left me for the hotel. I feel completely foreign in a new place with a new person. Where all the lectures even I myself who have to take care of help with my friend.

I hate my adult age where I have to do everything myself without the help of mom and dad. Even I find it very difficult to socialize with the new environment.

Enrolling in college I asked my cousin to take me, although it felt very embarrassed because I was not very familiar. But circumstances really forced me to do this.

Today I went home to my aunt with a sense of relief where my college business was done. Although at the beginning I was sad when the college test I could not pass and I did not pass. It was even clear that I remembered what my father had said so angry when he heard that I could not get away with the college you chose.

And now I just keep silent to hear the swearing from my father various words that make me very sick. But I realized that you were angry because I couldn't make you proud.

"Honestly, I'm very disappointed in you, Anggia. I feel like I failed to educate you. Look at the mother there, your brother there are three without their father's help who can succeed with all the scholars." There's nothing I can say when you say that. I can't quite match what you've been hoping for all this time.

I'm fine if you keep scolding me with very painful sentences, but I will still try to do my best. I have only one goal, which is to graduate quickly. Although in my own mind I felt very upset as to why my head was so hard to digest all the lessons at the moment. Even though I insisted, my mind could not focus.

One week I was with my dad in the same town but different places to live. I was busy with my own business. Well, dad's trying to find traditional medicine with his friend. And I'm busy packing my college supplies with my cousin.

And now early in the morning I have my father at the aunt's house. Dad's decision was made if I was going to college and live in a aunt's house.

"Dad has to go home. You're fine here living in a aunt's house. Remember not to be naughty and act up. I want you to finish college and move on to S2" though it sounds so heavy, but I can only smile silently without rejecting my words. S1 has not been started yet how could father have talked about S2? Let it be that's probably the only thing that can make you calm down leaving me at aunt's.

My father's return is now used for studying. I honestly don't feel confident in my current abilities. Even mamah who often contact just ask the news not so I noticed. My mind was completely focused on college. I don't want to have a friend who can demean me with my mind that is less able to learn. I don't know why my sense of stupidity suddenly disappeared when I entered college.

The first class began when I was attentive to everything. It's a little hard when I'm looking for friends.

“Remember, learn right. Don't think about the assortment of Anggia.” Dad said in the message he sent me.

I looked with a rough breath. It's always like this. Okay, no problem. I'll prove it to Dad if I can.

During college I started making friends. I have enough friends to support me in my mind who are a little less familiar with the lessons. They were really friends with me so sincerely. Honestly, I'm starting to understand. College is not just about the value of the college we get and degree. But I even began to be able to introspect and adjust to friends. Even I found many lessons from each character of close friends and classmates.

My life that prefers to spend money that you send, now I no longer do. I just kept practicing frugality and saving. Every mother and father sends money I always save. Thinking one day I'm gonna need some savings. Even the shadow of my script that might require a lot of money later.

After college I was in semester two. There was a sense of disbelief when Dad called and asked for my vehicle.

“Anggia, how much price of motor do you want? What motor do you want?” A little bit of my forehead shriveled in hearing Dad's question. I saw the real phone father's name on it.

“Anggia, you heard me talk right?” ask dad from across there.

“Ha-lo, dad. Yes I heard it.” I replied nervously.

“Daddy send money tomorrow you tell me what motor you want to use college there.” Suddenly my eyes were perfectly round hearing my father's words. It feels really unbelievable. I even refused to give my father a gift because I thought I didn't really need a vehicle. In the big city where I went to college, there were so many vehicles I could order online. However, my father was still determined to buy me a two-wheeled vehicle.

It feels like my tears can't stop falling when I see a motorbike coming in front of my boarding house. There are so many children out there who beg for vehicles on their parents even willing to do everything to get their desires. While I'm so easy getting what I want isn't even my need.

Dad was really good without feeling it. Sometimes what I want is not always fulfilled, but you know what you have to fulfill for your needs.

“Thanks, Dad. You are truly the greatest father I have.” I can only say in my heart.