25 Years of Father

Disappointment

The tension in my house now I have never felt again, sad when my father was so busy with his work that he rarely came home. Mom was busy too and I felt alone, my sister was too small for me to talk to. Until I went to high school at home getting quieter. I brought Dad to school out of town. Honestly, I really want to go to school with every day eating mamah cuisine and getting a lot of attention, but now all that I can't get. Not infrequently if I am very moved when I have friends whose parents are good. I don't know why I'm thirsty for the affection of those closest to me.

"Dad will work hard for you so that we are not as difficult as before. Enough of your father and mother who feel the bitterness of life cannot eat. Not with dad's kids. Now you don't think about anything focusing on your future of good school." those are the words you always said to me. Honestly, I feel like I'm fragile and I don't have the support of my parents.

Even when school dad just kept demanding me to be able to reach his expectations without knowing how I was capable.

"Everything can be while there is determination. Look at a father who is just a graduate of stm machines can be successful like this. Because what? Because you never waste time. I keep learning from great people. Don't ever be shy about asking people for knowledge." again the words you always put on me.

Every time I have trouble dealing with something in life or at school my dad always says it like that. Even Dad never heard what my reason for saying was hard. Sometimes I feel so tired without being able to rest for a moment to think. Not realizing it all just made me start giving up and ignoring all about my school. Well, I don't care about my grades at school anymore. My mind began to waver feeling like I wanted to grab the pleasure of my friends out there. Living alone in a city far from my parents made me begin to know love.

I realized this was all wrong even since I had been in contact with some of my fellow college friends I never thought about father's advice again. All the lessons in school were really hard for me to understand. My mind just wants to go home to school and the streets. Until one day my father came to where I live.

"Who is close to you?" that question just makes me feel like I don't understand. What does father's question mean? Do you know or just guess? my lips flutter saying I can't answer whether I have to say what right now.

"I-I mean dad?" ask me with fear.

"Anggia, I told you there were no boyfriends during your school days. What's the less obvious father's words?" I looked down silently afraid that my anger was getting bigger at me. My body is shaking right now, honestly I don't know what to do. Not even mommy is here.

Frightened if you get angry and act rude to me like before, but it turns out that you can hold your anger against me at this time. His tone was indeed so frightening when he shouted. But I could see Dad trying to regulate emotions until his breathing was puffed up. There's a sense of salute to see dad hold back his anger on me. Is it true what Dad said if he never wanted to hit me again because I was so big.

"Where's your phone?" all of a sudden my dad asked me for a cell phone that I had bought since I was in high school. Because our distance was far enough, that's why my father wanted to buy me a cell phone.

My fear is getting bigger where dad grabs that flat object. My eyes were closed in fear as my father's hand I saw trembled holding my phone.

"It's a new phone for you, and here's what I picked up." That's all I said and left my room. I don't know what Dad did that was obvious since then I can't communicate with my boyfriend anymore. They were even impressed to stay away from me.

That's why dad didn't want me to hang out the most. If you're talking about money, Dad never limits me. Especially for eating, it's just that I myself choose to limit my spending. I subconsciously did it all for the money that my father gave me and my mother could save.

If you used to come visit me once a week, now you no longer show up even almost a month.

"Well, come here? I miss." I said calling mamah who hadn't visited me in a long time.

I was really forced to live alone with my age who still needed parental supervision. To be honest, I was very easily affected by the environment where my friends often hang out until eleven at night and I slowly started to come along. I knew if you knew this, you wouldn't hesitate to drag me home.

"Yes, he was busy running the store. You are in the month of the semester break can go home, right? Later mamah pick me up." that's what I heard from mamah.

I just took a rough breath. Focus on his busyness. I miss my cooking right now. That day I decided to go to the family home to visit them. Where my uncle was so good to me.

"Where have you been, Anggia? How many days ago your father came here." I was shocked to hear uncle's words. Why don't you come visit me, I thought.

"Your father is disappointed with you, Anggia. Why are you at school playing around like that? You know from the beginning your father had warned no boyfriends during school. You don't understand that?" Intentions I want to let go of longing with mamah through them, instead I got a lecture from my uncle. Although aunt often defended me but still uncle did not stop lecturing me.

It turned out that Dad was not busy until he did not come to visit me, but he was thinking of a way for me. He was really disappointed with my mind that could be negligent in father's advice.

"You know how sick your father was working for money? You see all your father's struggles working in the woods alone until it gets like this. Why are you messing with Anggia with your school? Trouble your father looking for money for your school fees, so that his children do not struggle later in life.." many words from uncle to do not feel I shed tears.

I know very well. I totally understand all of that. But, it felt so hard to hold back my interest in the opposite sex. In school I included many male friends who approached me. And I feel so happy if anyone notices me.