When Kalbu Tells a Story
30. facts that must be disclosed
This fact is quite painful for me, but I also have to be able to make it happen. The more I slumped, the longer it took to recover my sadness. I still don't believe in the passing of my mother so soon, I still haven't had time to make my mother happy. I haven't had time to prove my ideals to my mother, I haven't had time to buy a nice house for us to live in together.
But..... God has said otherwise, God is too in love with my mother, God is too dear to my mother, so God more quickly took the mother in my arms.
Yellow flags adorned my house, yasin chants were heard in every corner of my house. All my friends came to pray for my mother's departure, they all endlessly embraced me and encouraged me. But I cannot answer their words. My lips are too stiff to answer, my eyes are too puffy because they shed too many tears.
It is a sad silence between having to accept and not. If I don't accept this fact, I'm the most selfish person in the world. And I'm going to be someone God doesn't like, I don't want to do that. Although our pain must be sincere, although it is difficult we have to accept all the provisions.
For every ordinance of God is always right and for the good of his servant, Allah will always guide. The instructions that will give a good thing continue to come, the instructions that are able to give life lessons. Lessons that are always remembered and remembered, lessons that are able to awaken themselves. That life should not think too often about the uncertain, do not hold too tightly to something, because later all the grip will be released.
The more you hold the world too tightly, the harder it will be to let go. In the end, unreasonable will be present and self-destruct.
...🥀...
Las.... Illahail.... Las.... Illahail
Only mom's last shirt I could hug, smell the last scent in that shirt. I drove my mother to her final resting place, though heavy I stepped I should be able to do this all for my mother's sake. For the sake of mother calm there, for the sake of heaven God for mother.
I never thought I was an orphan girl. My parents left me alone in this world, the two people I love have returned to their creator.
Mother buried near the late father, my eyes seem to be unable to turn when the mother will be put into the burrow. The sound of the Adhan on my head, made my heart even more congested to hold back my tears. Maryam and Laela tried to give me peace, but she couldn't do that.
"Mother.... Sorry Kalbu!"
The ground began to cover the body of the mother who had been stiffened, making my eyes closed. I could not see the mother who had been covered in Red land, slowly everyone left after praying for mother and buried mother. While I was still looking at her, then hugging the mother's vortex, stroking the headstone that contained the mother's name.
"Kal, we're home! Let your mother calm down there." said Dafa
"I don't want to go home, I want to be here. "
Mahesa continued, "If you are like this, your mother will be more sad, your mother is calm in heaven. "
"Do you want to weigh your mother's footsteps on her way to Allah's paradise?" ask Dafa.
After the question landed, I immediately wiped my tears. I went home with these two young men, they kept holding my hand, my shoulder, they kept trying to make me not sad anymore.
...🥀...
Day after day I went through, 40 days had gone by mother. This is the moment when I have to let go, it is enough that I mourn the departure of my mother. I cried enough, I was angry with myself. God has seen too many tears in my eyes, lest the tears that fall have weighed on my mother's headscarf.
I don't need to be angry at the God who took my parents. Perhaps, God already felt that I had taken care of my mother enough all this time. Maybe this is the time when God has to take care of you, I believe that God loves you more than me. I love my mother, but God's love is better than man's.
When I sincerely greet myself, then a new life will soon begin. I had left my homeland for a moment, I went temporarily to reach my ideals as a writer and a Doctor. I brought all the memories with my mother, I brought them not in the form of things, but in the form of shadows that were always stored in my soul. His shadow that always follows me, follows me wherever I wander.
I'll live in the city, live in the land of people-there I don't have anyone I know, they're new people. My savings may not be enough to finance my life in the city and to finance my college later. But I do believe that God will always make things easy. I can't possibly delay my studies anymore, this is the time when I should continue my studies.
Not so much preparation that I do, I only prepare items that will later be useful. Half my wings are gone, will I be able to live this life without angels without my wings? Because I am still not used to living alone, I am not used to having to live this life without the help of a mother, Because all this time I have always lived with a mother, any mother who helps, because all this time I have been living with a mother, but now no one will always support me, hug me and wipe my tears.
"May I be strong, may I live this life even though I am not with my mother on this earth. I believe you will see my journey up there. Mom will smile at me, once I find success. "
