When Kalbu Tells a Story
2. When Kalbu Tells a Story
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...Do not make a test your burden, but make it your strength....
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The invisible spoiled girl in me, the invisible strong girl in me. Darkness continues to cross hearts that still do not know what is strong, what it is to receive all the decrees of God.
I'm a simple girl who has a unique name, you also know what the name of Kalbu means, yes-Kalbu means heart. The heart that will be the driver of the mind, the heart that is always the body booster when the rogue landed in life.
Hope full of hope with the name Kalbu, so that everything I do must come from the heart. Mother said something that is done from the heart will reach the heart, said the mother if our hearts are strong to receive slurs from the human race who do not want our lives to be happy, then I will be able to accept that slur with sincerity.
When my mother said that, I could only keep quiet without saying, even though my heart was anxious to say this, "Mom, even though my name is Kalbu in the sense that it is heart, but I cannot be as strong as my name, she said, I can't always do things with my heart. If you know, if we've done something with the heart but can't get to the heart anymore-even can't be appreciated at all, for me it's useless and futile ma'am. Arrhghhh.... That I can only imagine. "
Ever since I was a child, I was taught to wake up when I fell, and I was taught not to fly when praise flooded me, even my mother also taught me not to fall when insults come to me.
A teaching that I will always remember to death, a teaching that will never fade even though some people try to eliminate it. To me everything my mother said was true, even though I tried to resist occasionally, but my heart sometimes accepted it.
Names are prayers, perhaps mother gave my name Kalbu so that I always do something with the heart, because something done with the mind sometimes does not match expectations. Therefore God created hearts, minds and logic to complement each other, to unite something that can be said and that should not be said. It turns out that not only humans were created by God to perfect each other, it turns out that the heart and other limbs were created by God to perfect each other as well.
We live in limitations, we live in the ink of insults, we live in our own strength. Every day my mother worked in the river to get sand, and my father died when I was 7.
Mother has become a father figure, mother has sacrificed all her life just for me her only daughter. Her eyes that always said tired, her lips that continued to tremble wanted to say, "Son, mother will not tremble even though the storm tries to tear down. I will still try to be a strong figure, so that someday mother can be a role model for you, that the storm is not always able to tear down a force that we have been building. "
I'm sure, if you want to say that - because you often repeat it in the moment you feel down, in the moment you feel useless, you feel useless, when this self is tired of receiving insults from those who do not like my poverty, that's when the words of my mother come out and are able to be a healer of my heart.
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Tired eyes begin to shut for a moment, imagining a future reality.
"I will change everything, a happiness I will create with my mother. I am the heart that will spread love in every corner of the World, someday everyone will be proud of me, someday everyone will not dare to carve insults in my heart. I Kalbu, will make you always smile, I will hold back your tears, I will not let any tears cross your cheeks. "
My eyes opened again, ending a moment of my delusion, ending a moment of my shadow in the future what will I become? A future that is still a question mark, a future that is still a secret to me.
Now it is only patience that I always plant in my heart, the efforts that still survive burn themselves to keep fighting for a bright future. Because God teaches us, so that we continue to strive to achieve everything, then God again teaches with prayer, because prayer and effort are like keys and gaps that are paired together, he said, the two complement each other to open something locked. Let's just say the future is a house that is still locked, a house that still has not found the key where?
Living in a village is not easy, too many people prefer to be proud, too many people who imitate the style of the city child. So that they forget their true identity, even though we live on the same earth, we are created from the same land, we also eat rice, we both eat rice, we are also created from the same God, who differentiates us from the womb of different mothers, for what we are arrogant, for what we insult each other, for what we pride ourselves on.
My age is increasing every year, I still trouble my mother, I still ask for money to mother who should I give. Even though I was in school, I felt a little embarrassed if I kept asking my mother. Now I'm in 3rd grade High School, all my mother's school fees bear from selling her sand.
It feels sad to see the mother who continues to be exhausted, the mother always departs from the morning that is still blind until the afternoon, that mother does every day. Maybe a woman in my village who still takes the sand is only my mother, the rest who take the sand is a man.
His body that resigned when the water began to cover himself, the hair that resigned when the water always wet him at all times, the hand that resigned when having to dredge sand from the water, the, they have to do it every day.
If you want to shout, I-I really want to shout to God, "God, why did you give me such a hard life? Why did you give me such a bitter life? Until my mother had to work this hard, until my mother could not sleep well, until when did you do this to my family?"
It feels like I have sinned to say that, it really feels like I am the weakest and most helpless among those who are far more heavily tested in life. How bad I am, how cruel I am. I shouldn't say things that God hates, I shouldn't ask too many questions, my job is just one run every scenario God has made for me and my mom.
"I'm sorry, my Lord,"
