Wedding Dust's

45. Nadya Ayunda

...Happy reading...

...Don't forget the spirit for today......

...🌹🌹🌹...

I stared straight at him who started to twist and walked away.

When fear strikes me from various angles, I choose to take off Hansel's hand and run after Bagas, the person who has always been there and tried to make us improve.

Now I realize that first love is not the first person we love. But first love is the person who makes us feel truly loved and afraid of losing it. Me, it's in this position right now.

Bagas kept pushing his pace away. I remember what he said at that time,

Because this time, if I lose you, I don't know what will happen to me.

I'm upset. Bagas' words kept ringing in his ears, and disturbed my brain to think clearly. For now, I have to keep chasing after him, running as I can to stop Bagas from talking to me before this cheating goes to the final stage, which might end in separation.

It's a risk, and I've been imagining this happening. But I never expected Bagas would know all this so soon.

He had already passed through the glass door blade and entered into an empty taxi. Well, the taxi spurred me away before I could reach the door and ask Bagas to get out of there.

I ran after a drama that I often saw. It turns out that this pain feels abandoned, this pain feels ignored. Now, my mind is full of bad things that will happen in the future.

How do our parents feel?

What about Juwita?

and most painfully, what was the fate of my marriage and friendship with Bagas after all this later?

I'm tired of running. I stopped and bent my knees after seeing the taxi move faster and faster to leave me. No, not just a taxi, but Bagas. He left me for the first time in such a mess and hurt state like this. I'm not sure he'll forgive me, because he's been giving me a strong warning all along.

I curled up and hid my face in the created blemish. I could not cry, only the torment of regret that continued to whack for not being forthright to Bagas from the beginning.

Amidst the chaos, the phone in my pocket shook briefly. A message, and I moved slowly raised my face and stood over to open the contents of the message.

Maybe it's time. Finish your business first, then we meet and talk.

I'm waiting for you there.

I staggered back, falling into the arms of someone I knew very quickly who it was.

“Nothing. We'll be fine.” whispered Hansel gently between the views we met.

Is it okay he said? It's nonsense.

As strong as I rose from his arms even though the body still felt limp as if it had lost half its life. I put some distance between us.

“We end now.”

“No. I don't want Nad!”

A smile rises on my lips. He was still selfish, thinking about his own pleasure without thinking about how I and I felt.

“Not want?” tanyaku. “You see me destroyed more than this?”

“Nad, you will need me after this.” kekeuhnya do not know yourself. I had a real hard time getting away from Hansel, even though in front of his own eyes he had seen me shatter without a trace. “Bagas will be gone from you. Ninggalin you, and you will need me.” continued Hansel confidently. Still the same, with seduction and sweet mouth that contains poison.

“Nggak.” I replied firmly. All I need is Bagas, not you.

I took a step amidst the drizzle and the wind that began to blow coldly through the face and the entire body. Empty, I don't feel a little sense in me. It's like just walking in an uncertain direction with an empty body.

Hansel pulled my hand once more.

“Nad,”

“Plis. Well, we stopped here, Hans. I'm tired, and don't bother me anymore.” I said in a weak vibrating voice. I don't lie if I'm tired. “Now, return to Jakarta. Go back to your warm family with your children and wife, before everything is destroyed.

I'm waiting for you there.

In that place, right? The park where we met, made a deal, and ended it all.

It's selfish now. Why does he not want to listen to me first, and instead invite me to meet there which is very clear purpose. The ultimate goal, which is to end the relationship is not necessarily this direction.

I drove the motor at a very high speed. For some reason, I don't care what will happen to me by driving a bike like this. I don't cry,” My tears seem to freeze and be forced to stay where they are, in order not to fall, fall by the fear of loss.

With a distance that takes forty-five minutes from the airport, there I saw a wide back in my favorite sky blue shirt.

A few more weeks she's having a birthday, and honestly I'm afraid that I can't be the first person to say happy birthday to her.

There, Bagas stared at the artificial lake that had long been abandoned. The plants and grasses grew much taller than the last we came here.

All the memories with Bagas that were left here, were re-played randomly in my head. The pieces are collected and fused together to make a whole picture on that day. The day we met before the wedding. The day I asked him to agree and marry me to live together as husband and wife and best friend. Which led to our marriage becoming dry.

We were married, but our world was not in the same direction. I let Bagas be happy with his life with the woman before me, which of course was very torturing to me. Even though I can survive with it for up to five years. Until Bagas decided to take me with him, asking me to start everything from scratch to fix everything.

But look at it now. How sad I am. How bad I am to waste everything just for the sake of a moment's comfort with others.

I walked closer to a figure who still seemed to be unaware of my presence. The soft musk scent that I longed for was greeting my nose when our distance was only a few centi adrift. My outstretched hand wanted to touch her up and down shoulder with her calm breath. But all the snags when a thought pops into my mind.

I don't deserve him.

Then I rebuked the greeting with a voice. “I, come.”

Bagas looked a little surprised, but he pinned a smile that did not look as warm as he usually gave me. Everything's really fucked up.

“Ah, it's arrived. Sit down first.” the door while sliding his body to the left so that there is room for me to occupy. The memory was replayed in my brain to make my eyes heat up. Now that I am near Bagas, I want to shed all the tears that I have been holding so desperately.

The atmosphere was so awkward when I was already sitting on a bench with him. The bench is still the same, but a little rusty because no one touches it. I glanced at the two palms of Bagas that he placed on his knees. Every now and then his fingers squeezed the material pants he was wearing. He looks nervous, or...holding an outpouring of anger? Maybe the second option is the answer.

“Nad,”

“Eumm.” I said quickly while raising my face staring at its features who prefer not to look at me.

We were quiet for quite a while, and it made me quite wary. Bagas is not a typical person who is a lot of silence, he is an active person. Finding Bagas like this, made my fear come many times over, making my heart beat horribly until my head felt dizzy.

“We discuss everything.” I said starting the topic of conversation. Indeed, my purpose in meeting her desire to meet was to fully discuss this matter.

Bagas bowed with a smile. “Sorry, can't make you comfortable and safe while with me.”

Why did that phrase come out of his lips. I felt guilty and could not speak to hear it. As if all this was because of my actions and mistakes, which I cannot deny is indeed so. I'm speechless.

“If you can turn back the time, I want today not to be like this. Or, at least today there is none and does not happen.” he said grudgingly slicing the pilu. “But I am also grateful. At least, there are people who make you happy when with him.”

“Enough Gas. You don't want to hear my explanation first?” ask me hope Bagas still wants to believe and listen. He did not give a literal answer, but he nodded doubtfully without steadying me.

Fuck'em. I don't want to lose him. So I'm gonna keep talking and give her my reasons for doing that. I've been trying to be with him to fix the relationship. So, I don't want to give up now. I want to keep Bagas.

Maintaining the household and also the friendship that we have established for a long time.

“I was wrong because I wasn't honest with you,”

Silent.

“I was also wrong not to recite the same words you made to quit the office.” cliche words that should not have me say it slid itself through the throat. “And now even like this.” regretted me, looking down in great regret.

“Me and Hansel, there is indeed a relationship that is more than just a superior and subordinate.” obviously I first.

“You're not wrong with that, because I'm no better than you nad.”

I know, Bagas is putting himself as a friend now. “I once made your heart hurt more than I felt. I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy while you were by my side, until you did this.”

I squeezed the jeans that were attached to my feet even though it was difficult, my gaze clouded. The cry that I had been holding since, wanted to spill this time. “But,” Bagas paused his remark, making me again want to pay attention to his features that are still not looking at me. “Can we still be together again after hurting each other like this?” []

^^^to be continue.^^^