Wedding Dust's
14. Bagaskara Adewangsa
...Happy Reading......
I LOVE YOU, or...THANK YOU?
I was confused what to type because it still felt bad hiding what happened last night. Sure, I kept saving and didn't tell Nadya that kondhom's negligence leaked last night. I don't want to make Nadya careless before leaving home for work out of town. I was also afraid that he would not return home after knowing the truth.
Maybe it's overkill, but that's how Nadya is. He was stubbornly begging for mercy. But I became a lucky person because I could be one of the people who could melt the rigors of a Nadya. And that's a proud thing for me.
After my last message received no reply from Nadya, I went back to work, struggling with the complicated real world. But again my phone sounded. Hera called.
“What's up, Ra?” ask me when the call has been received and we are connected to have a conversation
“Nadya out of town?”
I cringe, where does he know?
“Yes, do you know from whom?”
“Juwita who says.”
Since when does Hera have Juwi's number?
“You, can Juwi number from where?”
“You called her once to use my phone when we stayedcation in bogor, Gas. Don't forget that.”
“Remove Juwita number. I don't want anyone to know we still have a—” relationship
“You mean I don't matter anymore? So?”
I'm speechless. In fact I hurt someone other than Nadya, Hera. But he's gone too far, and I have to make a decision to stop him from getting any further.
“What do you not think, Juwi will tell mama, and we will be read all-out Ra. My relationship with Nadya will also fall apart.” I said fiery. Why is Hera so relaxed about what she's doing?
“What's really why? You scared?”
He had already stepped on my head, dropping my pride as a man. “If you do not want to delete Juwi number, we stop here aja.” I firmly then turn off the connection. It didn't matter to Hera who called a thousand times after that. I was quite tired of the directionless relationship with Hera, which of course did not directly hurt Nadya's feelings.
After almost a few times Hera called and I did not care, a message from Nadya greeted.
Gifu: I'm leaving.
Short, solid, and clear. Nadya never wasted energy just to type long messages, other than forced.
I smiled and replied. Yeah, be careful on the road. After that I went back to contemplating, staring at the ceiling of the workspace that was still clean and the same color. I've been sitting in this room for almost eight years, and this time I don't feel confident. I scooped up the air, then I closed. Imagine the face of Nadya who has been almost fifteen years in my life.
Nadya said, when she arrived in Semarang later, she would stay at a hotel that had been provided by the office as accommodation. I, just put my full trust in him, and prayed that the fear that arose in my mind was just an empty assumption.
“Ngga fair dong. I promise I will believe him. I shouldn't have thought badly of Nadya. Especially until—”
My phone's vibrating. Nadya called.
“Halo?”
“I just took office. Flight to Semarang. So I can not contact you until landing in Semarang later.”
I don't know why, I'm disappointed. “Iya. Be careful huh?”
“Eumm.”
“You don't eat late, Gas. You are if not in ingetin do not eat.”
My heart suddenly warmed. Nadya was so attentive to me, but I still have the heart to relate to other women, in front of her eyes as well. “Iya, yes. Later malem I fast food aja.”
“Tadi, I made rendang, your favorite chicken soup, the same gudeg. You can eat for two days, so there is no need to buy outside. Do not forget to enter the refrigerator if you have finished eating.”
In fact, he took the time to cook for me before leaving. Nadya is unmatched.
“Ah...thank you, darling.”
There's no answer. Huff...
“So. I'm getting ready first. Mr. Hansel and the others have left the meeting room.”
“Eumm. Nyampe Semarang, tell me right away, okay.”
“Iya, Bagas. Yes, see you on Saturday Bye.”.
“Bye..”
Nadya, is the owner of my heart.
***
When I got home, the sky was still clear. The house is clean, no laundry is done in the closet, and the food is in the Tupperware box on the dining table.
Nadya with her skills, cooking. Which makes me eat at home. My eyes forced me to the chair, where Nadya always sat there, accompanying me every meal to fill the hungry stomach by the tiredness of the day that passed. Without me being able to avoid, the imaginary voices of Nadya who said in her cold tone and flat countenance when reminding me to eat on time even though not at home, made one corner of my heart warm up. The publication of a smile on the lips made me blush, my cheeks heated up just because I imagined Nadya's nagging at me.
Tonight, we will be in a different room and place. I will miss him a lot, without me.
I immediately left the dining room, headed to the room, and cleaned up as Nadya used to tell me after work. It was hard for him to eat before he was clean, and it had become my new habit during his life with Nadya. He was very fond of cleanliness, evidently our house was always clean with no loopholes.
Seconds turn into minutes, and minutes turn into hours. Time changed as fast as lightning flashing in the sky.
The night suddenly darkened the room. And Nadya's scent is still left here, making me miss her even more. He hasn't sent me a message. Maybe he's still tired, or..busy? So, I tried to understand and did not send a message first to him.
My mind began to wander as my eyes began to forcefully shut. Memories after memories with Nadya began to spin. From the beginning, to this day. From the beautiful, to the bitter. Everything came through the closed eyes.
One place that keeps me admiring Nadya. There, we always met, talked to each other about all the things we went through. Even though more he who is silent becomes a listener. Nadya will only tell me about her relationship with her family if she feels that she has overburdened her head. Yes, that's how Nadya has been since a long time ago.
Ever since I knew her, Nadya had often complained of being tired. Even in class he often fell asleep and ended up borrowing my notes. Nadya is from a family that is not very good in financial terms. He was sued by his father and mother for money to pay for his school. I heard that, at that moment.
I'm paying for gas myself. So, if I don't get good grades, my hard work is in vain.
I remember once, when I heard that, I was squeezing the edge of the wooden chair we were sitting on. He bowed while smiling though stiff, then he said,
I also don't agree if I graduate school, I go to college. But I will not be silent. I'll work harder for the university entrance fee, later.
The reason why I love Nadya so much, is because she was a fragile girl who hid all her wounds alone, never willing to share them with others, other than just happiness. Yes, although his face is indeed slab—ngga there is a reassuring expression if he is sad or happy.
Nadya always refused any form of help I tried to give. He said he could, he could still, even though he was tired. He was stubbornly making me unable to turn away. He was stubbornly making me always want to protect him. For this reason, I always leave my time to always be around. Placed himself to pick him up from part-time work at eleven p.m., taking time to accompany him for a walk on Saturdays when he only worked until six p.m. We go home, ask for permission, then spend time in the park, or any place that can make him able to take a moment of burden on him.
Then, the time came when we graduated SAMA, I was accepted at a university in Jakarta that I had long desired. We signed up together, but he dropped out of maths, and I walked all the way to the announcement stage and graduated. He chose to stay in college in Surabaya, making us only able to say hello over the phone. The phone belonged to his brother. So, our time is short and limited. But I keep trying to be there for him. I choose to return to Surabaya every two weeks. And that much we met there, in a place full of our memories. A small park not far from our old school, which also bears witness, if I start to have a taste for Nadya. A feeling that is more than a friend, a feeling that is more than loving myself, and a feeling that I cannot express because it will only damage our friendship.
I have kept it until today. Act as friends even though we have made promises, lived together, and even shared sweat on the bed. Nadya did not want our friendship to be damaged, although in fact, the relationship was broken long ago. Since there are two things that unconsciously make us try to lie to each of us. First, ever since I said that I had a lover and I could see a disappointed look on his face. Second, since we decided to bind ourselves in a sacred bond to live in front of God, and both of our parents, with me who is still in a relationship with my lover with Nadya's own consent. I'm just trying to keep lying to myself, saying that if me and Nadya, if we, are okay. []
^^^to be continued.^^^
