Victim Feeling

Bitter Reality

In the following nights, Cahya and I made calls more and more. Anyway, if you touched at 12 pm I would have been ready to lie down because it would be on the phone even though Cahya never told me to call every night or a few nights.

I can't explain in words how happy I feel now. I feel like we're in the middle of a reverse. Because it makes no difference, it feels exactly the same as we used to.

"What's the story tonight?" I asked when I just picked up the call.

"Eyang yesterday fought with strangers. Fortunately the stranger understood, so the problem was not extended" Welcomed Cahya immediately told a story.

"Oh my goodness, Eyang. There is no such thing as your behaviour"

"Yes, until Eyang chased it people to the big road. Shame on seeing the neighbors, the suspect was the man who had run out of my house. Though the person only through doang"

"Meeting Eyang again" I said with a bit of sadness. Sad because... Ah, of course I can't see Eyang anymore. Because Eyang is not part of my family.

I heard Cahya breathing heavily.

"God, Rish... When are you getting married?" Ask Cahya who is trying to shift the topic. But the question made me have trouble answering.

"Doain is a piece of it" I said stoically. Because I know myself, I can't open my heart yet. My heart is still adrift in you, cried Airish.

"I'd be so sad if Rish got married. If you can be selfish, I want you too"

I stared at the ceiling of the room. I kept a little of my phone out of my ear so that my sobbing wouldn't be heard.

Then I said, "Don't talk about something that's never going to happen"

Me and Cahya continued chatting familiarly as usual. But, during that time I never directly asked how he met, or acquainted with Nisa until they married. I'm afraid my question is considered jealous. Although it is, but as much as possible I have to control myself so as not to act too far.

"Eh, what age is your child?" I asked though actually the throat feels choked when saying it.

"The 9th will be one year" replied Cahya.

Oh, that means about one more week.

Since Cahya first contacted me via Whatsapp, she has saved my contacts. That's where I know some of their little family portraits that neither Cahya nor Nisa uploaded on Instagram. They have a very handsome, white child exactly like Nisa and a sharp nose derived from Cahya. His eyes were also exactly Nisa's eyes, round and large. Looking at that harmonious-looking portrait of their little family, I was so envious. But a moment later, I was cynical. Because the fact that the man who looks like a good husband or father in fact often took the time to contact me secretly.

It would certainly be exciting if I told this to Nisa hahaha, my inner self with an evil laugh.

◇◇◇

A few nights later...

I just finished wearing my night cream. Then walk towards the bed and get ready to wait for a call from Aya. While waiting, I occasionally open Whatsapp to see the status of Aya whether it is online or not.

Repeatedly in and out of Whatsapp still its status is never written online.

Only the last sighting was seen at 22:24.

"Cahyo where the hell is it? Tumben passed from his usual hour" I murmured.

I want to call you first, but I'm scared. Besides, I'm ready?

I finished watching my film, after that I slept even though the mind continued to go everywhere because I thought about Aya who was not as usual.

After a few minutes of sleep, I woke up. I saw the cell phone, because I was really scared to ignore Aya's call. And it turns out, nil. There was not a single missed call from Aya.

I'm very disappointed. I've been desperately waiting until my sleep is interrupted.

I closed my eyes again even though the drowsiness had subsided.

◇◇◇

The next day, I did my usual activities. Because of the presence of Aya who returned to my life, I was no longer afraid of the person who often threatened me. I also do not know what spell Aya recited to me, which is clear I am now no longer afraid and ready to fight if anyone dares to pestered my life.

I relax in the famous hospital cafe. Yes, RSCM cafe (Cipto M*ngunkusumo Hospital). I like to move around the cafe when I'm chasing the target of writing a script. Let's get some new inspiration. The script I made this time, is not an offer from the director, but I will sell to Production House (PH) or it could be for a writing competition. Actually there are many ways to earn money by writing, only laziness dominates me more.

After I finished my work, I went back to the apartment. When I got to the apartment, I put my body in bed and I opened Whatsapp. Checking people's posts and all of a sudden I see...

Mr. X

Contacts that I've kept for a long time and have never once posted a story. And today, it just suddenly appeared in a row of posts I haven't seen.

Automatically my finger clicked the story post. And...

There is a video that contains a collection of photos. I seriously noticed one by one the photos that appeared with the background of the happy birthday song as in tikt*k-t*ktok.

First photo: Little baby in the shade.

Second photo: Baby lying on his stomach.

Third photo: Aya again carrying a baby with a bed background.

"Huh? Aya?" That's where I started to realize that today coincided with his son's birthday. I'm sorry Aya, but I mean Cahya didn't call me last night. Maybe he and his wife are busy preparing for his son's birthday. Or is he at his in-laws' house? Aren't you? Who knows!?

Even though my heart was hot, I continued to look until the video ended.

The next photos, in the form of photos taken during the aqiqahan event. Photos when the small family was fond of wearing uniform suits. And then the pictures of them at the airport, I don't know what they're doing at the airport. Bodo!

And the rest of the photos of their children riding a baby bike and there is also a photo of his son is following the movement of his papa Cahya prayer.

After looking at the photo, I felt like I had a slap. I was kind of warned that I would no longer be in contact with Cahya. Because the man belongs entirely to his son and his wife. Who me? Just an ordinary girl who still did not accept reality.

I sobbed back, thinking that life wasn't fair. I've always been by his side from Pedekate to creation, but it was someone else who won it.

I, who am alone in this city, no longer have the most comfortable shoulders to lean on. It never felt as safe as before. Cahya let go of me who already depended on her. And now, I have to fight alone against the cruelty of the world to me.