TWELVE DAYS OF LOVE

Messed

Today was the most unpleasant day of my holiday in the village. Feeling fucked. Amburadule.

Last night at home, I tried to contact Cindai, but the results were nil. Phone not picked up, unrequited message. Let alone being replied, my whatsapp was not read, the two gray ticks still mark it.

I am upset about everything. It might even be more devastating than the time of parting with Naura. And as usual, I had to spill my heart out on someone. Mammary.

"Mr ...."

I approached my mother in the kitchen. As usual, Mamak was struggling with his routine when the other residents of the house had left to fulfill their respective activities.

"Have you woken up, Dil?" ask mamak.

Unusually, I woke up earlier today. How not, all night my eyes can not be closed and can only sleep before morning.

"Yes, Mommy."

"It seems like last night's show was exhausting until you slept well?"

Ah, apparently you think I woke up late because I was exhausted. Mama should know what's going on with me.

"No, Mother. Fadil hasn't slept all night."

"Huh? Wh why? Many mosquitoes?"

"Nrank ...." I whine.

"What's wrong with you, Fadil?" My mother began to suspect. The back of his hand was directed to my forehead. Maybe to see if I'm sick or okay. "Not hot." Mammack's forehead wrinkled.

"Fadil's not sick, Mom. But here," I said, pointing to the chest.

"Huh? You ... still thinking about your ex-boyfriend?" ask mamak.

I shook my head and immediately pulled my mother's hand into the living room and invited her to sit on the carpet.

"Mr ... Fadil is in love" I said shortly after we took a comfortable sitting position on the carpet.

"What's? In love? On whom?" My mom looks surprised.

"Cindai," I said.

"Subhanallah .. alhamdulilah," said Mamak with a happy expression.

I looked at the astonished mother, she noticed it and immediately said, "Eh .. anu, I mean Mamak thank God that you have forgotten your sorrow and fallen in love again."

"Fadil knows, Mamak would be happy if Fadil fell in love with Cindai. Mamak and Mak Rahmi have been betrothed to us since childhood right?"

"Did? How the hell did you know? That's a secret. Rahmi couldn't have said." My mom seems curious.

"Fadil's been investigating, so Fadil knows for himself."

"You're a detective?"

I'm nodding.

"For what?" mamak.

"Fadil has already expressed love for Cindai, but he has not been willing to give an answer before meeting with his soul mate. He asked me to find out about his childhood soul mate first because ... Cindai loved him," I explained.

"Good, Son. You already know, why don't you tell him that after that he can accept your love? Isn't her love going deeper when she finds out you're her beloved childhood mate?"

"No, Mother. Fadil doesn't want to be like that. Fadil wants Cindai to love Fadil now. But the truth is, now he hates Fadil."

"Hating you? Oh no, Son. He was just upset with your mischief in childhood."

"Mr ... Fadil's already hurt Cindai. Fadil broke the promise."

I told my mom everything too. How this love began to appear, even in just four days since we met again.

I also told him how I had finally expressed that feeling, and I was waiting for the answer.

Until finally, how my chat with friends last night that has made Cindai angry and no longer want to talk to me.

My mother listened and understood my feelings. His eyes were full of meaning. There is a twinkle of happiness and a cry of sorrow.

"Fadil .. If you're really sure then go after it. But if you have any doubts, leave it, " Mamak said after my story was over.

"Fadil really loves Cindai. But Fadil is confused now how, so Fadil told Mamak. It's possible that Mamak could help Fadil talk to Cindai to forgive Fadil.

She shook her head and smiled and said, "No, son. Mommy wouldn't do that."

"Why, Mom? Didn't Mamak admire Cindai and want her to be Mamak's son-in-law?" my many.

"Mamak will never interfere in the love affairs of Mamak's children. My mother will only interfere in prayer. Now all actions and decisions are in your own hands."

I leaned my back against the wall, my body squeezed.

"Maybe Fadil has really lost now. Why is Fadil's love destiny always like this?" my lament.

"Losing? Lose to who? You are only lost by your own error. That is how humans when speaking sometimes unconscious, carried away by the atmosphere and flow of conversation that can bring themselves into disaster. Learn from every experience."

Mama paused for a moment, looking at me lovingly,

"If you have previously triumphed over selfishness, then last night you have lost by error. My mother will only help you through prayer and advice. Listen to this, the woman is like a Shame Princess, when approached she clenches, when shunned will expand. If a woman says no, it means yes. And if you say don't mean to."

For a moment he stroked my head, took a breath and continued,

"Scan's angry with you for the mistakes you've done means there's more disappointment than should be expected. A faithful woman is always difficult when it comes to sharing her heart. But when that happens, women need a perfect reason to turn away. If Cindai had planted her love in her childhood soul mate without ever knowing her figure, it was actually pure love. But on the other hand, she has been caught up in a real love. But since she is a faithful woman, it is not that easy to betray her pure love."

There are many allusions that I have to learn from Mamak's words, but if I ask what they mean, Mamak will only say that I think about them myself.

And sure enough, after that Mamak stood up, "You take a shower and eat, Mamak still have a lot of work," he said, rushing to the backyard.

***

I haven't seen him in three days. Communication is not either. It feels heavy. Luckily, the football practice every afternoon that I did with my friends in these three days, can momentarily make me forget the sadness.

And tomorrow afternoon is match time.

Could we meet? Wouldn't he come to watch a football match between Manggis Village and Durian Village?

That's what I'm thinking about at my contest tonight. Tired after training all afternoon.

Cindai .. Is he still mad at me?

Mamak's words came back, 'chase if you really, leave when in doubt'.

Lord, show me again the way to choose what steps I must take! I really wanted to chase him, but was afraid that it would hurt him.

Because ... My faith is not perfect to make sure that the taste it has is the same as mine.

Hopefully, tomorrow I find an answer to the certainty of the step I will choose, so that all this sense does not get dissolved in uncertainty.

And ... The night was late when I buried my tired eyes in the eighth night I was in my hometown.

***

Seriate