There's Always Room to Go Home

NEW LIFE

...For A Start I Need To Be Patient With An Energetic Taste....

...•••••...

It feels good to see the rows of books on display dazzling the eyes in the big bookstores. I like to read novels and non-fiction books that can at least relieve a little stress and relieve boredom. I'm not good at hanging out with new people these days. There are only a few people I can talk to at length. Diary book notes and social media applications more often accompany the turmoil in my heart. I was too spoiled to live independently.

Ah, a wish if luck had sided with me. I want to share my feelings in a book and show the world that my life is not as beautiful as people see it. They must have mistaken me for a girl who lives in the pleasures of the world simply because she has the father of a sultan from the Negeri Negeri

I was still looking at a blue-covered book that I felt was full of wishful thinking. Could it?

"Isn't he? Inara right?"

A Muslim woman with a dark-colored robe in line with a shar'i hijab greeted me, disperse my very high thoughts but a crisis of inspiration.

"Oh, yes I am Inara. You're this?" My mind still guessed who the figure behind the mask was.

"Khansa" he said, pulling his mask.

Instantly my eyes widened to see the figure in front of me was a close friend who in his time was known as jutek, tomboy and most wanted SMK Nusa Mandala.

"Josh– Khansa? Is this really Khansa? I wasn't dreaming? But how…"

"We're talking while we're sitting down, let's be comfortable." Khansa cut me off as if she knew my head was filled with question marks. We got out of the bookstore and went to the cafe next to the store to solve a myriad of mysteries that haunted my mind. This meeting makes me a little awkward, not used to meeting old friends who suddenly insyaf.

In just three years, Khansa completely transformed into a woman who was so graceful, very contrary to her former self. I myself am not even as perfect as him who is able to close the law as safe as it is. Nothing has changed from me, still a spoiled child in need of love and ease of life. My sense of irritation increased by one more list.

What is this feeling? The way with her new side made me more comfortable, I was so happy to see her again as if my hopes were growing again. We sat on the right side of the window. Our conversation began with a boring recount of my school days, always sheltering behind Khansa, although in the end not much different at a crossroads. His life was full of drama and grief. I can't imagine if I'm in his position.

Khansa is a child born from a wealthy family. But unfortunately, his mother died when Khansa was 3 years old and lived with his father who was lay about religion, his days were filled with stress. Poor Khansa, his childhood lack of affection from his father because often left to work leaving the morning home in the evening just taken care of by baby sitters. He is lazy, lonely, stressed, people think he lives too freely and likes to fight because of the lack of supervision and upbringing of parents, and, while the situation is in need of affection and attention from a person called Parents.

"Oh yes, Khansa– can not if later your story I write to inspire many people? lately I've been loving writing."

"May, please just as long as it is useful, but not really I tell everything yes. There's some privacy I can't tell you about."

"I know."

I was relieved to hear a light-sounding answer without any coercion or suspicious gurgling. Khansa began to tell about her difficult times.

•••••

I hope the story of Khansa can inspire many people. Not to open his disgrace, just sharing an experience so as not to happen to others and can be more careful with a life full of deceit. Khansa began to tell her life. Take the Khansa point of view.

•••••

If you ask me how and why I can change so drastically, it would be easy to answer. All this because of the love of God that I had long neglected suddenly came to touch my heart and break my heart. Really melted my heart. I was numb, everything felt empty, God gave me a new feeling.

It was right at High School graduation that I had a hard debate with my father and stepmother about my future. Father always pressured me to study harder than others without mercy, while mother always gave her selfishness so that Dad would not spoil me.

That night after eating, Dad was seen daydreaming in a quiet corner of the room. "Khansa, you should immediately apply for college. Find a campus that's close to home." Suddenly Dad made a sound as my steps in the kitchen were heard by Dad.

Slowly I stepped closer to Father who was still sitting, not looking at me at all. "Khansa wants to go to college in Jogja, Dad."

"Mom won't allow it!" Mom's voice suddenly appeared.

"But– Dad, Khansa wants to go to college in Jogja. Khansa has signed up with Inara and prepared everything."

"Khansa, you have to understand. Not everything you want you can get. Sometimes you need to sacrifice for something much better."

"So, do you think my choices are bad and yours are the best? It's Khansa's college, not Dad or Mom."

“But who did you go to college with money? if you want a lecture that is close to home, do away, spend money aja.” Mom's upset.

"This father is not a criminal, I just want all the best for you. Why do you never understand?"

"Did you understand and understand Khansa's situation? You ever ask what Khansa wants? Khansa needs what, you ever ask? Nope! I never asked once! I just care about Dad and Ian's new wife."

"God give you the best…"

"Khanza! I'm not done talking!"

I don't pay attention to what Dad says anymore, I'm tired of facing Mom's selfishness that makes Dad always defend her. I'm tired of being his puppet, like a loser who constantly hides behind hypocrisy. My father and I were Muslims, but we forgot ourselves. So haughty that there is no remorse in neglecting the duty of a Muslim. 

Until I got to saturation point, bored with my life as a teenager. It was a fun time to be a respected person in school, to have a lot of fans. It feels good to have been through all that though I always held back that feeling. Teachers could not get me out of school even though I often went in and out of the BK room because my achievements were always superior. However, on the other hand I was tired, really tired of looking for attention to everyone because I did not have a harmonious family. I want to feel that warmth. Anywhere, I'll chase.

Silly my mind is headed for the pesantren. "Ah, do I deserve to live in a place like that?" I think about it and somehow Dad responds if he knows this ridiculous idea.

The morning after exercising, Dad called me from the backyard. "Yes, Dad. What's up?" tanyaku followed by a head hump.

"Dad's already thought, you, Dad let go to college in Jogja on condition of graduating cumlaude. Don't fuck around in there!"

"Seriously, Dad? Thanks, Dad."

My heart is filled with flowers of happiness for my freedom. I acted like a crazy person who smiled and acted like never before. Of course I'm almost crazy, can't believe this. For the first time I made my own decision. I am so happy and excited to do my own self-registration and college entrance test. In the end I chose to study the independent pathway, not so taking the path of achievement with Inara. On the day of my departure, my father took me to Husein Sastranegara Airport.

"Ah, even though I have delivered Dad did not even say goodbye, or message carefully in the street,” my grumbling is very sad. On the way to Jogja, I was only able to stare out the window of the plane. Dreaming of obscure things, this freedom was honestly very frightening to me. No matter how perfect my plan is, there is no guarantee that it will go as well as I hope, because God is behind my every step.

"How is my life and what will I be?" I don't know the answer yet.

•••••

Jogjakarta. Finally arrived. This is where I begin my new life.I take a deep breath, feeling the scent of freedom. The sound of horn honking accompanied the dense road at the intersection of Janti overpass. From Adi Sutjipto airport, I took a taxi to the inn that I had booked since yesterday with a suitcase and a large backpack. Huft, it was a relief to take off the air that I breathed today. I can't wait to get through my days at college. My steps began to move to explore some of the costs that were planned to become my new residence. It seems like my preparations were perfect before leaving here. It didn't take long to find a suitable place to live. I can rest soon.

"Hi, you're a new resident here huh?" Someone greeted me kindly.

"Oh, hai– yes, I just arrived this afternoon. I'm Khansa."

"Frey."

"Okay, greetings."

"Hm." Freya lifted her coffee cup and went to the room leaving a slight smile.

Freya was my first friend in Jogja and became a close friend of mine doing various pleasures of this mortal world. She's a woman who's feminine, not hijab-wearing, has a little broken heart tattoo on her back, and she's very nice to me. We went to college at the same college. So almost every day we went to campus together using his Honda Jazz. Because my experience here has not been much, Freya often invites me to go to gather with her friends at night or after campus activities end.

Freya and her friends welcomed me well, it was nice to be treated warmly like this. I'm comfortable being among them, in their basecamp. Although at first I was very afraid because of their faces that look very sad. I don't know why there is fear when I can just beat them with the skills I have. 

I enjoyed my college days. How not, just like the white-gray period, I was known by many as a jutek girl, hard to conquer and still like to beat up men who have dirty thoughts about me. I can always protect myself.

After college, I took the time to work on group assignments at the warkop near campus until nightfall. Freya suddenly appeared to take me away.

"Where are we going?" manya curious.

"Calm the mind. I'm messed up, need some entertainment and an outlet, so tonight you'll see me through the morning, okay?!"

"Until morning?"

"Yes." Yeah." The answer was weak, it seemed like Freya was having a big problem. This one month, I had a lot of new things going on with Freya. What else tonight?

“But my task is not finished yet .. I am okay first?” I worry about offending my friends.

“Yaudah is okay continue tomorrow, anyways this is already night right.” Shofi replied and gave me the chance to go home early. 

I say goodbye to my friends and go with Freya. “Serious name, where are we going?” 

“Clubbing.”

"Club– club night?"

"Yes, you've never been to that nightclub?"

“Why should the night club, there danger, Frey.” I shook my head inexhaustibly thinking Freya was going to take me to a haram place. 

“Makanya accompany me .. besides I also have frequent clubbing kok and nothing.” I don't know what surprise Freya wants to show me. I hope tonight doesn't ruin my future, or I'll get angry.