The One Thousand Days

Chapters 19. Cages

The bracelet stung my hand. Sending me pain and stings that made me gasp. Alex was still staring with a worried look. I swallowed spit. My brain was thinking hard to figure out Geral's whereabouts. But seeing, my brother who is still busy at home then this is impossible to do. Damn, why is everything so dead-end.

“Enza!”

His voice surprised me. “Y–ya?”

“You heard Brother, right?”

I'm nodding. Just a nod of formality, I heard absolutely nothing he said. I'm sure there's not even a sound coming into my ear right now. I just want to know about Geral, the rest I don't want to think much about.

“Since when have you been like this?”

Alex shook my body impatiently. “You still do it, don't you? Since when?”

 “What?” I'm still trying to get involved.

“So I want you to stop your sacred bath ritual, right now!”

I'm still silent. My head was down and the heat began to flow through my face. I tried to hold back the tears that might fall without permission.  I'm biting my lips. My fingers\-your fingers twisted and trembled. I want to hide myself now, either from Alex or anyone else in the world.

All the memories turned back. It all started with the accident. It was a bad thing that made me find comfort in a place that he said wasn't right. The bathtub seemed to provide protection. As I ran into the toilet and immersed myself in the bathtub. Firrst time. That was my debut in a world that he said was strange. Tears began to fall in the corner of my eye. I know for a fact that I am not loved and never expected wherever I am. When I talk, everything is always wrong and hurt. I was also hurt. However, if those who speak at will they seem to forget that I am just an ordinary human being who also has the same heart as others. I understand why you hate me. I also understood that I was just a bunch of useless burdens so one by one everyone left me. They don't want to be dragged and drowned with me. If I wanted to entertain myself, I would say that I was alone from the beginning. It's always been so that it never changes. A few years with other people does not mean that loneliness just disappears.

“Jawab Enza!”

“I want to go back there now.”

I shuffled, let go of Alex's handrails and went down the bed. I cringed as my feet tracked the floor. The pain is still there. However, I stared at the closed toilet door once again. The place looks so soothing and makes me want to go back there right now. The smell of the toilet made me feel calm. The smell of carbolic acid spreading in that narrow room felt familiar. Coupled with the gurgling of water that beats the noise in the outside world. It all feels amazing and alive. That place is safe.

“Enza!”

Alex clenched my arm. “Oh, Enza. Forgive Brother,” Alex holds me in his arms.

I'm speechless. My body trembled and I did not answer or be hugged by him at all. I want to get into the tub right now.

“This is wrong Brother,” Alex tightens his embrace.

I fell silent in Alex's arms. My hands drooped on both sides of my body and absolutely did not want to return his embrace even as he patted my head slowly. I want to scream as loud as\-hard. Shadow after shadow is present inside the head. I ran into the toilet when everyone was blasphemous. When all the voices that appear are always filled with accusations.

“Stupid brother. Brother didn't know that losing Geral was so hard for you!” said again.

 “Kak!”

Alex loosened his arms and looked at me. His eyes. The sadness was clearly on my brother's face.

“I want to go to the toilet now.”

A shocked expression was plastered on his face. “No,” he said firmly.

“Let me go to the toilet or bring Geral back!” i said again.

 “You can't go in there. There's Brother here, you don't need anyone,” Alex positioned himself beside me.

His hand cupped my head back in his arms. He held me tighter until his heartbeat felt on my cheek. The young man pulled me back to bed. I lay down while my eyes were still staring at the toilet. I want to go there.

“You remember when we were kids, Za. Me, you and Geral!” he sounds persuasive.

 My mind drifted back to childhood. The time when me, Alex and Geral were still together. Yes, we promised at that time that we would always be together. But one man has gone.

Just go!

Uh! Yes, Geral. Where the hell is he?

Oh, naw. I totally\-forget it. The bracelet stung a moment ago. Something must have happened. I have to find Geral and prevent him from doing anything bad. I hurriedly\hurried up and brushed aside Alex's grip.

“Geral!”

“Enza wait! Where are you going?”

“Lease! He needs me now,” I move quickly and brushed off Alex's hand still clutching the arm.

“Enza!”

I swerved out of the room. Had to find it before my brother\-laki found out. bare feet went down the stairs. I don't know where to go but at least I can find it. My footsteps stopped. The flower shop is open. Could it be here?

I'm tilting my head. Geral is cutting a flower stalk on the table. I breathed a sigh of relief. He's not going anywhere\-where.

“Enza!”

The smile instantly disappeared. I'm turning. Alex came closer. Oh, my God, this is bad. It won't take long for my brother to realize that that young man is Geral. I ran in and hid Geral before my brother found out.