Not Ex?

Missing, Loving In Silence

I who had been making out with the delusion of the past, disturbed the sound of sky water falling rhythmically on the roof made of tile.

Early morning rain, I glanced at the wall clock in the room showing almost three o'clock.

The wooden window slowly opened, cold as rain soaked the dry soil.

I reopened the shabby book, my eyes staring out the window. Shortly after I read a short sentence.

[I'm not asking for your body, I'm just asking for your time.... ]

Stupid, I feel so stupid. Loving her in silence actually made me suffer, a love that never got a reply but still I maintained.

Keep it deep and refuse to throw it away. Tired of anyone who hears of my stupidity.

* * * * * * * * *

It seemed that the glasses girl managed to deceive everyone with her silence. As if he had truly no longer cared about Tama, he behaved foolishly and waltzed haughtily.

His days were filled with fake smiles, no matter how bright the look on his face would immediately change drastically when he met Tama. His eyes were round with hatred, not a word came out of his mouth. Only the vengeful gaze he used to cover up his true feelings.

Two semesters in a row, Risma won 2nd place in her class. Going up to the eleventh grade was a matter of pride for every student.

The first day as an eleventh grade student, the girl deliberately set off very early in the morning. Too early in the morning when the school atmosphere is still completely deserted. Not without purpose, he walked down the corridor, stopping at every classroom door. His eyes followed the index finger that was jealously moving from top to bottom, reading one by one each student's name.

"Eleven B" his lips extended a smile, the name he had been looking for.

Wait, his forehead frowned, his lips no longer smiled even he was singing his lips. Like a disappointment.

Sure enough, his name was not on the list of students who were in the class. That means he's no longer in class with that boy, Tama.

He went back down the corridor, looking for where his name stuck to the door. Although not to make him happy, Risma must be honored to occupy the eleventh class E which is located very far from the Tama class. To get to the class he had to cross a wide field or walk around.

Luckily, Ony is Risma's best friend in class with Tama. Almost every day they exchange news through diaries that only the two of them read.

Ony kindly told Tama's behavior story to Risma.

Hoping to class with Tama, Risma was precisely in class with Nadia, Tama's boyfriend at that time.

Until one day, the selection of the school's organizational structure made the two meet again.

At that time Tama was one of the candidates nominated as the chairman of OSIS. Each member present is required to write the name of the OSIS chairman of their choice.

[ Tama (emoji love) ]

Then he put it in the box that has been provided to collect the sound.

One by one, small papers bearing the name were read out. The tense atmosphere instantly became boisterous as Risma's paper was read by the voice calculation officer. They laughed, the girl laughed too, she felt safe. No one knew it was his handwriting.

The most votes obtained by the boy, managed to send him elected as chairman of OSIS.

Risma was the most proud person, at least in the room. Why Risma? Because Nadia, Tama's boyfriend is not a member of the OSIS, of course she is not in the room and does not take part in the election.

The pride he managed to hide, his face flat without any expression. Leaving the hall without congratulating Tama.

He himself was re-elected as a member of OSIS, certainly not important to him. The most important thing is that there will be at least some training opportunities with Tama and others for the inauguration later.

Iwan, it's so nice to make Risma angry. Unlike Tama, Iwan is not at all afraid of Risma. The more the girl was angry, the more pleased she was.

Risma repeatedly moved the seat so as not to be disturbed by Iwan. But not succeeding, the teenager always had a way to make Risma explode.

In the eyes of their friends the two look very close, even their homeroom teacher calls them newlyweds.

Iwan is a smart student, he is quite open to Risma. He told me a lot about his family and friends. The two often solve the problem of training together, they compete in academics, although Risma always came out as a champion.

Risma and Iwan are actually suitable partners for academic affairs. It's just that Risma is often annoyed made, not without reason.

Iwan's rather nosy hands are one of the causes of Risma's anger. Despite being hit many times, Iwan was never deterred.

The thing that the girl dislikes from Iwan is that Iwan often kisses her suddenly, hugs her, even if Risma sleeps in class because of boredom. Iwan did not hesitate to pull the bra strap Risma which will then end with a chase around the class to the field.

"Ma, there's Iwan, I hope you don't feel the same Tama!"

Risma smiled wryly, the girl who was everywhere almost always with Nadia was suddenly smacking the glasses girl.

"Me and Tama never had a relationship, just take it for your friend. Iwan and I have no relationship either, don't take him. I'm not here for school to serve your insignificant rants!"

The glasses girl left her desk, which she had slammed a stack of books on top of. Rebashing shocked anyone who heard it, even some of the students who were originally busy chatting immediately turned their heads towards them.

Intent on wanting to find Ony to change the diary, Risma's steps came to a halt. On the doorstep of the eleventh grade B he is intercepted by a petite sweet girl, Ony's classmate.

"You're Risma?"

"Yes, why?"

"So far from Iwan, he's got me from tenth grade."

Risma gave a rough sigh, her frustration had not yet subsided. Now it has to be added with a new frustration.

"Fuckin' badass? Does Iwan like you?"

"If so, why?"

"Yes, take it! me and Iwan are just friends, there's no special relationship."

"Everybody knows you're chasing Iwan, Ma!"

"Pursuing? I chased her because she used to pull my bra strap, not date anymore. Oh my...."

The debate between the two finally stopped after Ony came to invite Risma to leave her class.

* * * * * * * * *

Iwan and Tama are different, but they are the same. I have never had anything to do with you except friends.

I remember very well, when Iwan was still in police education. He still sends me messages, asking me how I am. With passion he told me about his activities there, until one day we no longer exchanged news. Not because of the quarrel, but because of the busyness of each.

As for Tama, I never once got a message from her. It's not Iwan I'm looking for but Tama.

But I was quite self-conscious, from the beginning Tama never considered me anything for him. It was impossible to get caught up in Tama's mind even once to ask for my news. Yes, I know that, our relationship was never okay. Even to be called friends is inappropriate, we are enemies.