Not Ex?

Missing, Secretly Admiring

My helplessness from longing, no doubt made my heart weak that night, the scribbles continued to woo me, making me feel more and more eager to read them back.

Like just yesterday, it's still very fresh in my memory. A short sentence I wrote on an odd page in a book that was once lost, probably hidden by him or our friend.

[see me for a moment, I exist, I exist, I exist.... ]

For the umpteenth time, how I was never considered to exist by him.

* * * * * * * *

"Risma, can you borrow PR?"

That day Tama seemed friendly to Risma, full of mode of course. Tama includes students who should be considered, but unfortunately he often does not complete PR at home and prefers to work in school. Of course by copying his classmates.

"Can't!"

The glasses girl refused Tama's request. Not to forget, he put on his jutek face, which made Tama squeak. But stop to give up.

"Much a spy, just four numbers!"

"Nih .. take it!"

Tama commented a smile, she grabbed the book that Risma had just thrown right on the table.

Risma did not return Tama's smile, she continued to put on a jutek face, until Tama lowered her head while copying tasks.

Liar ... his jutek face was only to cover up his true feelings. Risma covered her face with both palms. He smiled, he blushed, he was so happy.

When he opened his hands, he jolted, it turned out that Tama was paying attention to his ridiculous behavior. Their views actually met, making Risma half-dead embarrassed.

"What look-look...? Write quickly!" Risma rebukes Tama, then leaves the classroom.

Crazy, so maybe Tama's assumption to the girl who just left the class.

After replacing the OSIS uniform with a sports uniform, Risma returned to the classroom. He did not find Tama on his stool, the borrowed book was already on Risma's desk.

Three male students from the other classes flocked to Risma.

"Hey ... which Tama bench?"

"It!" Risma pointed to the bench she was sitting on.

After picking up a student worksheet book, they just left.

"Ish ... What is it like to borrow a friend's book?" Risma muttered as she tidied back Tama's belongings and put them back in the bag.

Then he picked up Tama's white shirt and flicked it a few times, before then spread it out on the table. Risma intends to fold it.

"Waduh ... there are traces of the sole of the shoe, how is this?"

Risma looks worried, he remembered some time before Tama got angry if the uniform was dirty. At that time the case of markers that accidentally crossed out on Tama's clothes.

The girl rubbed the stains on Tama's shirt with her white shirt that she was just about to put in the bag.

"Halah .. now even my clothes are dirty," he again muttered alone.

After feeling clean enough, Risma again put Tama's shirt on the back of the chair. Then he immediately ran towards the field to take sports lessons.

Arriving at the field, the unusual scenery was clearly displayed, making Risma daunted.

All his friends were lined up but not in a standing upright position, all crouching with both hands on their heads.

Apparently the gym teacher was angry, because the students did not immediately gather in the field.

"Well, that's another one! here quick!"

Risma infiltrated the ranks, crouching like the others.

One by one the students' backs obtained a cut with a stick. Certainly not the pain they felt, but the shame of being a spectacle of some other students who at that time passed on the sidelines.

* * * * * * * *

I've never done anything big for him, but the little things I do are not without reason.

I admired him, the way he smiled, the way he apologized even though it wasn't wrong.

It was so sad, it turned out that after all these years I didn't really manage to expel him from my heart.

He really tortured me, as if revenge by drowning me in endless longing.