Not Ex?

Challenging the Miss

Today I decided to return to my hometown that I had left six years ago. Six years ago I received a scholarship to study at a university outside the province, Yes.

I often hear the question of whether I don't miss my hometown or miss my parents of course I miss. But I always felt there was no reason for me to go back to the hometown I missed, I don't know I gave up on finding the answer.

"Mr. .. tomorrow I'm home."

I called my mother to tell her that I was going home tomorrow and she sounded so happy that she cried blue fighting over her phone with my dad.

Then what about me?

I feel flat I'm happy but unhappy like there's less. This heart no longer feels happy since she took her half away, have I lost someone in my life? Of course not because he never had.

I packed some clothes in a medium-sized suitcase and then I wrote a sentence on the calendar in my room

"I want to see him."

I lay down my body until I force my eyes to shut, my hope is that tomorrow I can still wake up, may God allow me to meet him.

* * *

After taking approximately two hours flight I reached my hometown, my parents' house is not far from the airport only takes forty minutes drive by car. I saw a man half a century old and a woman his age standing looking back and forth indicating that he was waiting for someone.

I'm the one they're waiting for, I'm their youngest daughter who they haven't seen for six years or rather didn't come home to see them.

"Mr ... Mum...!"

The two of them looked at me doubtfully as if they did not recognize me, I changed? Of course I changed, when I left I was a young girl their little girl who was only seventeen years old and now I have grown up appearance certainly not as stupid as before.

"Risma? The Risma of my son?"

"Pak .. This is Risma Pak ... Risma our son!"

My mother hugged me, cried so much that it became the center of attention of many people, did not want people to misunderstand me and the father immediately calm him and then lead him to a travel car rented by him. His longing for me is clearly visible from his crying like his son was left dead and then came back to life. It's not that I never tell my parents when I'm overseas, I call them at least twice a week I also send money once a month to them. But that's not enough for a mother's heart and I'm sure you're just like a man has his own way of hiding his longing.

Arriving at home I was greeted by the neighbors and I saw a pile of yellow rice and cakes, fruit and drinks lined up. O Lord ... My parents to make thanks for my return, I feel very sinful to them at this time. They are not the ones I miss the most but him.

I sat among the neighbors who were waiting for my arrival, before I experienced them one by one and they replied with hugs and kisses on both cheeks. So many are waiting for me, welcoming me, so why haven't I felt that I'm happy yet? She's the reason why I can't feel what I'm supposed to feel now .. Where is she?

After the ceremony was over all the neighbors said goodbye and only a few left to help my mother clean up, I'm actually very tired but I don't feel good if I go straight into the room I finally decided to come clean.

"Nduk .. you just rest let mom same budhe who cleans yes, you must be tired abis travel far!"

My mother seemed to know what I was feeling, but community life is not that easy to ignore the people who have helped us just by reason tired.

"So no Ma'am, Risma still wants to gather with mom, same budhe too."

My answer is certainly a classic lie, but enough to make them believe it.

Late at night the house was clean and tidy, the people who had helped clean up had gone home to each other, leaving only me, mother and father in this large enough house.

I am the youngest of three siblings, my two brothers have married and now live out of town with her husband. They only come home when the school holidays arrive.

My first brother Mbak Diah now lives in Bandung and has three children who all sit in elementary school. While my second brother Mbak Ninis now lives in Jakarta and has a child who is already Junior High because Mbak Ninis was married before Mbak Diah.

Having an older sister does not necessarily make me an open person, I am very closed especially to personal problems including about him, no one to be my story about him.

After making sure mom and dad went into the room to rest, I went into my room and locked the door. My room hasn't changed at all since the six years I left, all the books and stuff haven't moved.

I opened the drawer I had locked and I took the key with me, a new biology textbook still in the drawer. I deleted the book and opened it carefully.

The first page says his name, he....

As my tears flowed unbearably, O Lord .. I miss him!