NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS ALYZA'S WORLD

Persist

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"What are you doing. Why are you pushing Mr Eko?"

I'm still silent. From behind the trellis, I handed her a birthday card. My hands are shaking, my body is limp.

"This, Brother. Happy birthday."

"Thank you, Lyza."

Ina's big toe reached out to me. Her face is sad. I wanted to hug her, but

I can't leave this room. I can only greet you from the window.

Until I'm stable, under control.

"Lyza, why are you pushing Mr Eko? You're menstruating again?"

I wept. Yes, I'm menstruating. And sister Ina knows, every time comes menstruation. I often lose control.

That's why before and during menstruation, Ina's sister often accompany me.

Monsters, criminals, rapists, robbers all surround me.

Scared, panicked.

Before I was hurt, I often attacked first.

This isn't the first time it's happened.

"Lyza, calm yourself. No one has any evil intentions. Trust brother. Everyone's good with you Lyza."

"Remember, when you chase a neighbor with a kitchen knife, the neighbor just passes by. Ngapa-ngapain. Aye, right?"

I'm still quiet.

A year ago, at that time, during the second day of menstruation, a neighbor passed in front of the house. Ina's sister locked the fence, even hid the key so I wouldn't leave the house.

But fear defeated me. From behind the fence, I saw the figure of the neighbor wanted to hurt me, so I was desperate to jump the fence.

I had to attack first, before I became a victim.

Trouble climbing the two-meter-high iron fence. The pointed end of the fence injures the hands and feet.

In my right hand is a sharp kitchen knife.

"I killed you! I killed you!"

I screamed after the man who ran away in fear. Even tripped a street rock.

Brother Ina, who saw the sight, immediately shouted and opened the fence while pulling me back.

My neighbor was pale, as the knife was already about to stab him in the back.

"Lyza, stop! Lyza's."

His hands hugged me tightly.

"He's gonna rape me, brother. I have to kill him first!"

"No, Lyza. No one wants to hurt you. Ayoo, come in."

A thick blanket wrapped all over my shivering body.

Hands shaking, I can't control.

Eyes bulging, breath gagging.

Finally, Ina gave me some sleeping pills, and let me sleep in her room.

Next day. Ina's sister still stood by me, even taking me for a walk.

"Lyza, follow the yukkk. Want it ...?"

"The old man didn't walk into a strawberry garden. Stop by home and find out your favorite. Ehhhh there is a new vehicle, you can play around there."

We leave during the day. Brother Ina, me, Raka and Raisa.

I am happy with everything that is childlike.

Even every day should snack on candy and ice cream.

Often, if Ina's sister does not see, Raka Raisa snacks I take too.

"Sister, I'm not going to Bandung."

In the middle of the highway, I tried to stop Ina. I'm just going home.

Said.

"I'll be scolded the same one who has a strawberry garden!"

"Rage, try. Why angry?"

"Yaa .. get scolded. Ruined the garden."

"Sir, later I teach you how to pick the right strawberry. If necessary we don't have to go there, go somewhere else you like."

We also kept going.

Along the way I hugged a big teddy bear, pink, given sister Ina. I have a lot of dolls in my room, except for the dinosaur dolls, I don't like them.

Brother Ina said, if I'm afraid, just hug the doll.

The doll is funny and nice.

"Sister, if I die, you want to bury me?"

Suddenly I was talking about death.

"Why talk about it. Yes, I must take care of you."

"Sadly, don't I, if I don't exist?"

"Yes, it's sad Lyza."

"Are you and Tina sad, too?"

"Sure, Lyza. Everyone must be sad, lost. That's why you have to be healthy, don't think about the hard ones. Sometimes your angry brother is also good for you, if not the brother who remembers you, who else is trying."

I'm asleep. Nervous all the way.

There is no fear, just an endless long road.

Until, in a rest area, Ina paused for a moment.

Parking in front of the restaurant, we ordered a variety of food.

Devouringly, I ate the dish in front of me. I can order whatever I like, Ina said.

"Sister, I'm going to the toilet right now."

"Tu, on the other end." Brother Ina is still feeding Raisa.

I'm heading for the toilet that Ina's been pointing at. It looks from where we sit. A while in the toilet, suddenly a mother asked where to look for souvenirs. I drove him around, until I forgot where Ina was.

A few hours later, Ina found me hiding behind a tree.

I was terrified, sister Ina pushed me into the car and continued on.

*

"Sir Eko, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for what Lyza did." There was the sound of Ina talking to Mr. Eko.

"It's okay, Mom. I understand, Lyza is hard to control. It's just that I didn't expect him to attack me."

"For a while we separated him from other patients, to be more controlled. Of course we'll pay him extra tight, Ina ma'am."

"Please, Sir. Just do the best procedure for Lyza."

"Ohya, has Lyza made any friends here yet?"

"Ooo ... Already, Mom."

"Thank God."

"Actually honest, Mom. Based on our evaluations over the past few months, Lyza has made no progress. Her depression could only be suppressed with medication alone, but more than that there was still no meaningful result."

"I convey this, so that mothers understand that this Lyza condition can be permanent. Of course, we do not deny that miracles can happen. All by God's will."

Mr. Eko let out a long breath.

"Of all the patients here, Lyza's the worst."

"Yes, I understand, sir."

Brother Ina looked at me. I was hoping for a miracle and could take me home.

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(Marrieanne's)